- 10 years ago
I’m really devastated right now, and could use all the advice I can get. I’ve known for some time that my future in-laws aren’t my buggest fans, but apparently, according to in-siblings, they pretty much hate me, and the siblings dont feel that hot about me either. Now, I know I’m a good person- I’m a hard worker, am planning on going on to grad school for a very socially-minded career, have worked as a teacher prior to this. I adore their son and do my best to take care of him (as he does me) and I think we have a very healthy, loving relationship. However, his parents apparently really dislike me, despite all my attempts to welcome them in our home (making them snacks that I know they like, as they are very choosy, putting a lot of thought into a mothers’ day gift, running out to drive them to and fro to save them from too much walking when they visit, etc.) I am not perfect. I did have a fight with one of my fiancee’s sister’s when I felt really pushed into a corner and upset, and I take full responsibility for my share of it, and have given written apology. (no apology for me though.) I understand this could sour their opinion of me slightly, but they HATE me for other reasons, such as
1. being white, not Indian.
2. Wanting to go out west to grad school, as that’s where my top program is (they don’t want their son far away from them)
3. getting into said grad school, and compromising to defer for a year so my fiancee can pursue a great job offer (apparently this shows I don’t care about grad school enough, even though they don’ really understand why I would want/need to go in the first place.)
4. They thought I was "phony" when they first met me over a year ago, when I was faced with the ENTIRE family at x-mas time AND came down with the stomach bug.
The list goes on and on, and I am desperate for advice. I love my fiancee to death, but how do I handle his whole family hating me? He knows his family is tough and he keeps saying he’d choose me over them (which I would never want him to do), but I am terrified of entering a family with so much opposition to me, especially as I have a very easy going, loving family. I never thought this would happen to me! How do you deal with in-laws who despise you?