- 2 months ago
I’m in desperate need for some advice. I need to start with my husband’s family background to give you a better picture of the scenario im dealing with. My husband and his brother’s father died in a car accident when my husband was 6 and his brother 2. 5 months afterwards their mother married the stepfather from hell. They were placed in boarding school from the 1st day of school even though the school and the parents lived in the same town and were verbally abused by the stepfather whilst the mother did nothing to defend them. Anyway 2 years later their stepsister was born and the dinamic changed to the mother, stepfather and sister forming their own little family where the boys had to stay in boarding school over holidays and weekends whilst the three of them went on holiday or away for a weekend. During that time my husbands grandmother and father divorced and the grandmother moved to the same town they were staying in, this resulted in her becoming a solutude for them and in a way the mother they never had. After he left home and moved away from them they were constantly on his case for money, paying their rent sometimes ect, they were always pleading poverty which wasn’t the case as the mother is very high maintenance and if she wants something she wants it, even if she has to manipulte to get it. Anyway fast forward a couple of years after my husband got divorced from his 1st wife he moved to the town were staying in now (also where we met). Since we have been together the mother, stepfather and grandmother has lived in the same town, but was always torable even if they were nosy. The relationship has always been tense and since we’ve been together he has stopped giving money resulting in the fact that im the bad guy. They’ve said horrible things about me in the past dispite the fact that I tried having a relationship with them in beginning. About 2 years ago the stepsister and his brother also moved here as well. Which seemed to have escalated the conflict. The brother and us have a excelent relationship and they have even also stopped speaking with the stepsister and the stepfather. The sister and the stepfather then turned competitive and jealous especially when we bought a new car and house in the same year. She said that my marriage would last only 6 months, told my husband in his face “why do you always date women I dont like” to name a few, anyway. About a year and a half ago my husband’s grandmother’s husband passed away and the landlord she was renting from was “pushing” her out as he could get more rent for the place. I made the biggest mistake of my life and my husband and I decided that we would rent out our 2 bedroom flat/apartment to her which is situated in our back yard. Her and I have always had a good relationship and we felt sorry for her. Not one of her kids was in the position to look after her and the grandmother did not want to go and live with my husband’s mother and stepfather as she doesnt get along with the stepfather. Anyway ever since then the relationship between the parents in law and stepsister has become even more strained. I’ve told them that they are unwelcome at my house as the only time they come around is to ask for favours or to spy if we’ve purchased any new items and make it a family discussion. They are extremely critical and negative. Even though they arent welcome at my house I can’t stop them from coming around to the grandmother and this is their opportunity to gossip. The relationship with the grandmother and I is also strained as I have spoken to her about privacy and if we have company or what we do or where we go is our business and to please stop discussing and carrying the information over to the rest of the family. (It helped for 2 weeks and is back to the usual). My husband doesn’t like conflict and sees the grandmother as his “mother” and cant stand up to her, we also gave her our word that we wouldnt kick her out. I feel like im in a corner and have no sollutions to this problem. Ive considered selling our house and moving to a place without a flat or even to a diffrent town, but i feel why should i give up my life because of them as my parents also live here with no issues. I have no idea what to do, im starting to feel resentful towards my husband because this conflict is never ending. I’ve always gotten along with all my exes family members and this is new to me that family can be so toxic. Ive chosen to remove myself from this but the problem never seems to go away or get better. Please help im at witts end.