Desperate for advice – Toxic family in law

posted 6 days ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
3814 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Visiting hours! I know you can’t kick grandma out but let his family know you don’t have an open door policy. Have certain days/times set for visitors and if gma or his family want to get together outside those hours then they’re free to take her out somewhere! Let them know you just need a phone call ahead of time to get grandma ready for a day out. Set boundaries. Good luck. 

Post # 3
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

You married into the family you knew was dysfunctional. It seems like now you’re making it worse by telling the grandmother what she is allowed to talk about and telling other family they aren’t welcome. 

If your husband is open, move ( but let your grandmother stay if that’s possible) to get a little distance. 

Post # 5
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Find another apartment/studio/living space for his grandmother and move her there. 

Or remember that you are the landlord and the rules are up to you. Why can’t you stop the in-laws from visiting her?

But it doesn’t sound as though that will ever work easily. So it’s time for her to move on, which is a lot easier than selling your house and moving to Alaska. 

Post # 6
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

cassandra7 :  that’s really cruddy though… inviting her to live there… making her pay, then telling her who she can have over and when. 

I think op is right… she can’t control grandmas visators. 

Post # 7
Member
254 posts
Helper bee

Natasha2 :  Its pretty clear to me why he was divorced once. Toxic family in your face, grandmother who isnt necessarily toxic but enables the rest. If my family treated me that way growing up then I would cut them off from my life and I’d tell grandma to live with them if she was so keen on seeing them. You’re husband is blind and an enabler to his toxic family feeling like they have power in your life. You need to try to talk it out, get counseling. If he refuses counseling or to hear your side then you either need to accept your crumby life or give an ultimatum and prepared to walk. 

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