(Closed) Desperately Need Advice

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t have much advice to offer you; I know how tense family situations can get during wedding planning. Based on what you’ve shared, it appears you and your Fiance are on the same page and that’s a good thing. It also seems like you were respectful in sharing your feelings with her. I see no point to the “honorary bridesmaid” title, and although weddings can be tense, people tend to get over it. If you haven’t already, express your concerns to your Future Brother-In-Law with your Fiance and go from there.

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i dont understand why you rolled on the Future Sister-In-Law from day one…. seriously no wonder she has a garden gnome up her butt by the way everyone tip toes around her as if she some princess

whats done is done, you cant undo it so stick to your guns. shes not a bridesmaid, honorary or any other and i wouldnt engage her in any other communication unless it has a point,  meaning birthday cards, family get togethers etc.

i would step back right now, let everyone cool down and if your inlaws have anything to say get your Fiance to deal with it – im sorry its such a sucky situation for you

 

Post # 6
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

I am a sensitive person as well. So i understand how you could be upset with this. At the same time, you are trying WAYYY to hard to please HER. I don’t understand why you were required to invite her family because realistically, her family isn’t your family and how often will you see these people? I also wouldn’t have asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I would rather have people that I was close to, and well if someone has the label of being difficult, they probably would be difficult to deal with in this wedding.

So:

Fiance needs to speak with his family. That is crazy that his parent’s are upset about it  when they were the ones that called and were laughing about it.

You need to brush this off. She has no legit reason to make you feel bad. She is the one that stepped down (and you should go out and celebrate!)

Please don’t make her an honorary Bridesmaid or Best Man. There is no reason to do so. All it will do is let her know that she can walk all over you.

You don’t have to invite her family at ALL.

You owe her NO EXPLANATION for any of your decisions.

I feel really bad for you. Like, i’m angry for you and I really hope you can just push all the bullsh** to the side. They will have to get over it.

Post # 7
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This sounds very toxic.

Keeping your friends close and your enemies closer doesn’t work in this case. Clearly this girl is a little off her rocker, perhaps even mentally unstable, since she intepreted your words so dramatically. At the very least she is a melodramatic bitch and I don’t even know her, but she scares me. Seems to me as if she smells fear and could tell from the getgo you would do anything to please her (as most people seem to do) so she ran with it.

That being said, I would never trust her enough to consider her a “sister”, so personally, I would be wary of her, cordial, but avoid her at all costs. People like this are best left out of your life, seriously. BUT. Maybe to shut them up, I would make her an “honorary bridesmaid” aka ignore her, give her no responsibilities or thank you and just give her the gift anyway. Normally, I wouldn’t encourage appeasing the crazy, but in this case it will just smooth the situation and keep you calm. Just think of it as quieting a child.

In the meantime, go on with your plans, as this is your wedding. No one is going to believe your explanation anyway, so concentrate on the good things and try to limit contact with this girl. There is no way of taming this beast, sorry to say. She sounds pretty hopeless.

Post # 8
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with staying very cordial with her…..to keep the peace. Weddings bring out the worst in people sometimes.  You will see that many many people dont get the ideal “inherited” family when they marry. Im sorry this is the same with you.

I have 1 sister in law…we are not close, but when my other brother marries his girlfriend (he is proposing sometime after my wedding – he has the ring and is planning!) I will have that sister I never had – she is close and in my wedding. It just depends on the person.

Post # 9
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What does your Fiance have to say about all this? He needs to be stopping his parents from saying such hurtful things to you and explain to them that SHE is causing the problems and that he will not allow you to be spoken to that way. This is his family, and he needs to be protecting you from as much of this as he can/

Post # 10
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@Hurt11027280: I completely agree with Miss Callie Jean’s advice.

You really need to get your Fiance to speak on your behalf to his family. This is unacceptable and he needs to be backing you up on this.

Post # 12
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I hope you and your Fiance can talk some sense into his parents, and possibly his brother. I agree with previous posters that you are trying way too hard to make her happy, here.

But here is some comfort: She sounds like the type of person who will NEVER like you (or anyone), will NEVER be nice to you (or anyone), and who will NEVER be happy with anything you, or anyone else, ever does for her. If she was a total sweetheart and loved everyone and was awesome, but randomly despised you, you would be right to be hurt. But you know what? That isn’t who she is. Her dislike of you is neither unique nor warranted.

Thank your lucky stars that she is just your SIL (once removed) and not your biological sister, daughter, mother, or someone else who you are even more tied to.

So I guess my “advice” is just… Try to wash your hands of it. There is nothing you can do.

Good luck and I hope everything comes out beautifully.

Post # 13
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Hurt11027280: Honey I’m angry for you. It’s like a poster above stated: she’s toxic and the reason your future IL are throwing themselves under the bus for her is because they do not want to deal with her behavior.

Stand your ground. She does not deserve any title. Be kind and keep it moving. Assign your bridal party to “keep an eye on her” and to keep her away from you the whole day.

Hope it all works out. She sounds like the type that would have made a sour face in all your photos too. I would tell the photog to keep her out of photos of you only

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