(Closed) Desperately need help and advice for Asian Vietnamese Chinese Wedding Planning

posted 4 years ago in South East Asian
Post # 2
Member
37 posts
Newbee

I’m not really familiar with the traditional Vietnamese ceremony but I was a bridesmald at my friend’s traditional Vietnamese wedding and my friend prepared these things for her tea ceremony day:

1. Her family set up a table in their living room for the altar, tea pot and tea cups for ceremony tea exchange, and have the red candles set up.

2. Her family prepared light meal with Vietnamese snacks for when the groom’s family members come. 

3. The groom’s family supposed to get the gift baskets in the Vietnamese traditional wedding red baskets that are carried by the groomsmen when they arrive and filled with stuffs like: 1 basket of gold from the groom’s parents to the bride, 1 basket of fruits, 1 basket of the traditional wedding snacks, 1 basket of tea leaves, 1 basket with the groom’s family gift to the bride’s family (they put a bottle of Hennesy XO in it), and some more other stuffs. 

4. Once the groom’s family arrived bearing the gifts, us bridesmaids had to line up outside the door to prepare for the gift exchanging procedure where each of us bridesmaids accepted one basket and carried it inside to set up around the altar to prepare for the ceremony. 

5. Once the set up is over, the groom and the bride started the tea ceremony and then the elders in the families took turn saying their blessings. 

My friend didn’t use a website to order the ao dai. Instead, she found a local tailor that makes ao dai and had us go with her in person to take measurements because apparently you have to have the tailor take your measurements or you risk having a messed up ao dai if you order online. 

She had her wedding planner did all the venue booking process so I don’t know how that worked but she didn’t taste the food at her venue before. They just gave her set menus to choose from and she picked from there. It was a popular Vietnamese wedding venue so she had previous recommendations from her family. 

 

Post # 3
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Hi Bee! I’m Vietnamese and my fiance is Chinese with no Vietnamese background whatsoever. It’s been a struggle trying to plan this wedding but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel! 

Everything that gigi said above is pretty on point. I recommend you talk to your parents about what they want for the Vu Quy and get their input. I am letting my parents and aunts handle most of the set up for our ceremony. Because this is involving culture and traditions, it’s best to involve your parents/aunts/uncles/grandparents who has been through this before. You wouldn’t want to screw this up by leaving something important out. Another thing I recommend is to watch some youtube videos of other people’s Vu Quy. Start by searching up “lễ vu quy”. 

As for my ao dai, I flew back to Vietnam and got it custom made to my size. Hopefully you are from a major city populated with Vietnamese people! I am in the Los Angeles area so I do have options nearby had I not flown back to Vietnam. Start by yelping up “ao dai” in your surrounding cities. Hopefully there will be a tailor or two that offers that service. You definitely want to get measured by a professional and get the dress made by somethng with experience. Ao dai has a very specific fit!

For venue, my fiance and I went to different Chinese seafood restaurant and met with the manager. First, make sure your date is available. If it is, they will provide you with menus at different price point. They will want to know approximately how many tables you are planning to book. Some restaurants will requre a minimum number of table in order to let you book out their whole restaurant. Some restaurant will only give you half of their venue. There were a couple venues who claims to have an open bottle service charge. The venue we went with did not have that. Some venues wanted to charge us extra if we wanted a stage or dance floor. Compare the different venues and then once you come to terms with the venue you both want, put down the deposit to secure the date. We did not taste the food. If we wanted to, we would have to order a table of 10 dishes to eat! We did not find that necessary. It’s not like we’ll have much time to eat that night anyway. Two weeks prior to our big day, we will secure the number of tables we are booking with them.

Good luck with everything bee! My head has been busting trying to accommodate 2 similar yet ever so different cultures. Hope this helps!

Post # 5
Member
37 posts
Newbee

My friend’s family paid for the roast pig and light snacks at the tea ceremony and we had close to 50 people at her parents’ house for the tea ceremony and they spent about $500-$600 for that. Her family also helped the groom’s family rent the red gift basket from a local Vietnamese market for like $40. The groom’s family paid for the gifts and they are just regular items you can get at the market except the Hennessy bottle and the gold that I don’t know how much for. I think the gifts value is just depending on the families. 

Our ao dai were $80 for the bridesmaid and $200 for the bride. I think this is cheap price considering that we had them made from a local tailor in Texas and the bride’s family know this tailor so I think we got a discounted price. 

OOh that’s a sensitive subject to go at but I really think traditional Vietnamese weddings do “make money” if you guys don’t have a wedding registry like American weddings for your reception. My friend didn’t have a registry so we all know it’s just cold hard cash in a red envelope when we got the invitation. Now because her venue was a Vietnamese venue, it was definitely cheaper than other venues for cost per person. I know for typical Vietnamese wedding, the unwritten rule is $100 per person for regular guests but if you’re family, it’s $200 per person at least. My friend’s total cost for her wedding was roughly $35K. This also depends on each family and their guests but you can pretty much do the rough math but really don’t go into this thinking you will make money back. 

Good luck on the planning and congrats. 

Post # 7
Member
37 posts
Newbee

I think you should totally do whatever you and your fiance desire. My family wanted me to do traditional ceremonies from both my parents’ sides too but I’m not familiar with that being raised in America plus my fiance is from the UK. The cost, the main factor, and the hassles of planning a big wedding with traditional ceremonies are just too much for me. I’m opting for a small Destination Wedding with closest friends and family. Sure, my parents are not happy with my decision but it’s my wedding. But I feel stress free now when I was able to plan my wedding in just 3 weeks cool. Plus I’m not spending $35k+ on just 2 ceremonies and a reception. That’s half of a down payment for a house LOL. 

Post # 8
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I wish I was able to take control of my wedding like you ladies. Both of our parents are hardcore traditional. We’re basically only having this whole wedding because of them. My wedding is next month so once it comes and goes, maybe I will come back here to update you on the cost of the vu quy. No idea how much it’s going to cost but I’m already spending over a grand on house rental. Since I got my ao dai custom made in Vietnam, it was a little under a hundred. As for making the money back, just pray that people stick to the unspoken standard and hopefully you’ll get back enough to pay off the reception. People I know have never made back enough to cover the whole wedding. We have 350-400 guests. The reception alone is looking close to 40k. ): On top of that, there are sooooooooo many opinions. This has been nothing but stressful… if you can avoid it, definitely avoid it.

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