Post # 1
Hi there all I’m new to wedding bees and am seeking your advice…
I am 27, I met my Fi in May 11, we hit it off and soon both knew we were great for each other. We got engaged Oct 12 and the wedding date is aug 13.
So here is my problem….. I am financially stable, I have a good job, a retirement fund, money in the bank and equity in my house. Currently my Fi is living with his family -very traditional arab family – and his finances are together with his brother and their business, they literally share an account. They are just barely getting by, and he refuses to spilt funds until the wedding. Ive asked many times for him to explain how the split will work when we get married but i only get vague answers. I finally put my foot down and said he must have his own banking account and I need to see how much weekly income you would be bringing home (as of right now they don’t take a paycheck); and he thinks I am being compeltely unreasonable and too focused on money. I told him he does not need to bring anything to the table, I just need to see stabilty and a steady wage. he is pretty much coming to the table with nothing but love and commitment and I am coming financiallly speakiing with 100%. So many of the love feelings are fading I feel as though this is an adoption rather than a partnership–a marriage…
Post # 3
@Augbride47: Not sure what advice you’re seeking. It seems like you see things pretty clearly, you just have to decide if this is something you want or not.
Post # 4
@Augbride47: I would tread very carefully. He sounds really immature and possibly not ready for marriage. Does he not get that marriage is a partnership with joint finances??
You need to do a budget and sit down with him. Explain to him how much things cost and how he needs to contribute etc. If he isn’t even willing to do that, it’s a huge red flag IMO.
After my last relationship I will simply not put up with financial mismanagement. Think long and hard before you marry this guy. A lot of marriages end due to financial problems (including my own parents’ marriage).
All is not lost, though. Obviously we don’t have a lot to go on by reading this one post. If he’s a hard worker and saving is important to him (and he doesn’t just spend all the income he makes), then maybe he just needs a push in the right direction. If he loves to spend and glosses over real life expenses, then you might want to run.
Post # 5
It’s totally fair and reasonable to want to know what the other person would be contributing financially to the relationship after marriage. Finances is definatly something you should try to sort out BEFORE you get married.
Post # 6
You took the words right out of my mouth! 🙂
Post # 7
It sounds to me like he may be trying to cover up debt he and his brother share, or he feels insecure that you will likely be the breadwinner of the house. It may be hard for him to admit but I think laying your financial cards out on the table before marriage is crucial!
Post # 8
Time to postpone the wedding. So many issues here: Cultural and financial. This may be showing you that you dont view money the same way.
Post # 9
thanks everone your comments have given me a lot to think about
Post # 10
Marriage does not make problems go away it just magnifies them…I think you two definitely need to be on the same page with this issue BEFORE getting married.