Dessert & Drinks Reception Followed by Intimate Dinner? (POLL)

posted 3 months ago in Reception
  • poll: Is it rude to offer desserts/drinks to all guests, and then have a family only dinner after?
    Yes, this is rude and would offend your guests : (57 votes)
    66 %
    No, this is a good compromise for everyone : (9 votes)
    10 %
    Some people will likely take offense, but it's your day so do what you want! : (21 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    708 posts
    Busy bee

    Not trying to be snarky, but 35 people does not sound like an intimate dinner. If only a few people invited to the ceremony/reception aren’t also invited to this dinner, it’s probably going to hurt feelings. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    1557 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    co_katherine :  Stick to the 35 people, have them at the ceremony and then treat them to dinner. 

    You could let the other friends/family who have basically invited themselves that you’ve already confirmed your plans and unfortunately cannot host any more guests.

    Since you’re going to be there the whole weekend hanging out with friends and family, maybe let these other friends know they can meet up the following day if they’d like?

    ETA I voted the third option, ultimately it’s your day and you know your guests better than any of us, we don’t know how offended they;’ll get.

    Post # 4
    Member
    733 posts
    Busy bee

    Other bees can let you know if this is rude by etiquette standards or not. I’m not sure how I would feel about it as a guest though. It almost feels like being invited to the cocktail hour and not being allowed to stay for the dinner. 2 hours is a pretty far drive to not feed people dinner. Knowing how small York is (which is a beautiful spot, by the way!) I’m picturing people leaving your cocktail reception to go find a real meal and walking into the restaurant where you’re hosting just some of your guests. Awkward.

    The logisitics sound a bit stressful, too. Not having a reserved spot could be a problem. What happens if it rains?

    Post # 5
    Member
    1313 posts
    Bumble bee

    York Beach in the summer is packed. Will you be okay with tourists in bathing suits plopping down next to you to oggle while you’re trying to do the ceremony? I think you should stick to your original plan with the 35 people. Anything else I think would be a logistical pain in the rear.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1146 posts
    Bumble bee

    Yeah, and the transition could be awkward. People normally attend a ceremony, then cocktail hour, then dinner. Now, will you ask people to leave after cocktail hour? Just thinking through logistics. “Thanks for coming but we’re having dinner now and you’re not invited.”

    Post # 7
    Member
    5007 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Honestly, having a wedding ceremony AND cocktail reception with no chairs on a public beach sounds like enough to re-think this plan. That sounds horrible. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    8309 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    co_katherine :  “We wouldn’t broadcast this” — You wouldn’t broadcast it because you know it’s rude. That’s your answer, bee. This is a hill to die on. Your fiance is wrong and you need to stick to your guns on this. Word WILL get out that there’s a dinner, and people will rightfully be hurt and angry. This is really bad. You aren’t inviting the strangers to watch you, they just happen to be there. If you INVITE people to be there, and then treat them second rate, that’s terrible. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    10676 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    This is known as a tiered reception and in the US it’s definitely rude and unacceptable. If the wedding is not local to you or either family then it’s also a domestic destination wedding, which is an imposition on all of your guests as well. 

    I would stick with your guest list and would not invite people to any wedding related events who are not also invited to the wedding, including the next day.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1557 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    co_katherine :  That’s funny that your fiance suggested they pack a sack lunch lol, men… he probably doesn’t understand the “etiquette” that comes with wedding planning. 

    If it isn’t a far trip for the other people, I don’t see anything wrong with celebrating with them the day after although that type of thing is pretty frowned upon on the bee (refer to PP and like a million other threads here) but I think it’s just about knowing your crowd, which it sounds like you don’t know these extra people but your fiance does. 

    Good luck with the planning!

    Post # 14
    Member
    749 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    I know a few time here in Australia this occurs. People self invite to a beach ceremony because it’s public and no one wants to say no you cannnot come.

    The bunch that actually show up are pretty few and usually elderly. They don’t seem miffed about not attending reception.

    I don’t understand how people feel they can invite themselves though!? 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2079 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    co_katherine :  Don’t do it. A tiered event is tacky af in the USA.

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