(Closed) Destination Bachelorette Party cost issue…long I’m sorry, but I need help…

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry for your situation. All people attending should help cover the room/lodging costs. The bride can pay for dinner (it’s a trip, not one meal) and guys will buy the majority of drinks.

Post # 4
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ugh, that sucks.  I am so sorry you are in this situation.  I am on the side where the bride shouldn’t have to pay for anything on that weekend, and every time I have attended a bachelorette party, the bride has never paid for any of the main events (she might have paid for her own breakfast or something like that, but the actual events – dinners, girls night out at the bar, etc – have always been covered by the guests attending).  I think when you say yes to the bachelorette, you say yes to helping cover the brides costs.  

I’m not really sure what you should do, but I wanted to let you know I empathize.  

Post # 6
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s kind of assumed that by attending a bachelorette party, there will be costs to cover the bride.  You haven’t had any luck getting the other BM’s to send money to cover the bride even if they aren’t going?

I hate to rain on the bride’s parade, but the whole flying to FL thing seems kind of over the top.  While airfaire is normally non-refundable, would you be able to get the airlines to give you credit toward a future flight if you just cancelled?  It seems kind of unfair of the bride to put you and your roommate to all this expense after her other BM’s decided not to go.  The fair thing for the bride to do would be to cancel the entire thing instead of putting everyone through further expense.

Post # 7
Member
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

This is a toughy – I am under the impression that yes the bride shouldn’t pay for hotel/dinner/drinks (like you said it is only one night) BUT, IMO this is costs that should be split amongst BMs only, typically not all guests.

I do think it is odd however, that they feel they know the bride well enough to go to a destination party – yet arn’t willing to pay $75 for the bride…….

Post # 9
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

MC77 This is such a crappy situation.  I am so sorry you are going through this.  I don’t understand how people would agree to fly to FL for a bachelorette party and NOT expect to pay for the bride.  This isn’t a random girls trip!

Post # 10
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

@mc77: And she still wanted to go after everyone else cancelled?  I think that’s pretty unrealistic then.  Rude or not, I think you need to sit down with the bride and have an honest discussion about how much all of this is costing.  She might not realize how much all this is costing you or that the other BM’s aren’t contributing any $$.  I realize she’s going through the expense of paying for a wedding, but that doesn’t mean you should have to go into debt to arrange for a lavish party for her.  I’m surprise she didn’t volunteer to pay for her own way after the others cancelled…

Post # 11
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Have you talked to the bride about it?  I understand “tradition” but at the same time I’d hope the bride understands that during these tough economic times, YOU can’t personally afford to foot the entire bill.  I don’t expect my bridesmaids to pay my way on my bacherlorette.  I’ve actually picked up several of the plane tickets with credit card points to keep their costs low.

I would call up the bride and explain that while you are trying to give her the bacherlorette she hopes for, that you can’t afford to foot the bill on your own.  The bride is the one who chose bridesmaids who can’t afford the things she has chosen.  That doesnt mean you get stuck with the bill.

Post # 12
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Just playing devil’s advocate here, but maybe your friends weren’t expecting to have to front as much $$ since so many other girls were supposed to be attending but have since dropped out.

$50 or $75 may not seem like a lot to you, but I know for a wedding I was in last year I spent about $600 dollars to be in a friend’s wedding. At one point her sister (MOH), asked me to pay an extra $50 for the limo (in addition to what I had agreed to pay) because she decided to upgrade it but didn’t want to pass the cost onto the guests (ie MOH’s friends). It was “just” $50, but that’s where I drew the line. What I’m saying is, everyone has a limit.

To be honest, I would feel weird paying for a hotel and various other things for someone I hardly know. But then again, I probably wouldn’t have accepted an invitation to a destination bachelorette party if that was the case.

Sorry that you are frustrated 🙁

Post # 14
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@mc77: As much as it sucks, I would email the other bridesmaids and explain what is going on and ask if any of them would be willing to contribute.  I wouldn’t put pressure on them to do so, but I would just explain that you purchased the ticket on your card and planned the event going off the fact they told you they would all help cover it, and now that you are the only one going it is really hard for you to cover ALL of the bride’s costs, so is there any possible way that they can chip in all? It doesn’t have to be a certain amount, tell them anything will help.  Worst case scenario is that they say no, and it sounds like they are already being pretty crappy so I can’t imagine how that would make it worse.

Post # 15
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think it’s pretty generous that your roommate who isn’t in the bridal party offered her parents’ condo.  I don’t really think this friend of a friend should have to pay for the bride’s meals and expenses for an entire weekend.  I don’t think etiquette necessraily calls for that because it is an entire weekend/vacation.  I think everyone should split drinks and dinner for the night out, but not for the entire vacation.

I agree that you should talk to the bride.  It’s not your fault that the other BMs backed out, and you really can’t be expected to pay for all this.

The topic ‘Destination Bachelorette Party cost issue…long I’m sorry, but I need help…’ is closed to new replies.

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