Post # 17
When I’ve attended bachelorettes and, whether I’m in the wedding party or not, it’s an unspoken rule that the bride pays for nothing. The girls are throwing this in her honor, so we all split her costs and cover our own as well.
Having said that, it’s unreasonable to ask for such a costly vacation with so few girls attending. What made my head spin was the Maid/Matron of Honor asking you to pitch in even if you don’t go? Who in the hell…?
I would guess your best option is to offer up the cash you would have spent on her gag/bridal shower gift and let them know that will have to suffice. Or, as some of my friends are doing, offer to take the bride out after the bachelorette for a few drinks to celebrate. If it’s not in your budget and you weren’t consulted, what do they want you to do? Sell a kidney?
Post # 18
Hey Ladies!! Thanks SO Much for your tips and advice! I opted to step down as a bridesmaid while it was still early enough.. she’s booking this a year in advance. I just felt that this was only the beginning with her and that she was taking advantage of the situation. I felt very touched when she asked me to be a bridesmaid but after receiving an email with a september 1st due date reminder of the money being due for the bride I felt this was all to over the top for me. I can only imagine what the bill for the shower would be for me along with the dresses she would choose.. and gifts in her registry. In the end I think this was the best option.. she obviously is envisioning something that I cannot swing. I also live 500 miles away from her on top of everything else. When did weddings become all about the “things” and not the “people.” Thanks so much again for all of your help!!!! 🙂
Post # 19
That’s just weird. For my bachelorette party, the girls and I went up to Austin and got a condo on 6th Street, and it was still only $95 apiece for the condo for six people. Drinks and everything were more, but I didn’t expect them to pay for mine or anything like that. Only three of the bridesmaids (of five) were able to make it, and that was perfectly fine with me. I don’t want anyone going into debt over my wedding.
Post # 20
@sandydee79: I’m not sure what demographic she’s from, in certain circles this would be accepted without batting an eye, but in many this would be exgravagent.
I’m not sure why you accepted an offer to be a bridesmaid for someone you haven’t seen in many years and aren’t particularly close to though….
I would bow out from the whole thing if I were you–it sounds like they are expecting a level of commitment that you aren’t willing to give–not that I blame you, I would feel the same way–I would only spend that if it was a very close friend or a family member
Post # 21
I agree that these types of expectations for a bridesmaid are completely unreasonable.
To me, an Maid/Matron of Honor or bridesmaid commits to purchasing her own dress (and possibly shoes), attending the rehearsal, and helping the bride on the day of the wedding. If feasible, the Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids should host some type of shower for the bride, but it need not be an expensive one. As for a bachelorette party, I did not have one, but, if I had, I would have wanted to go out for a nice dinner with my girlfriends and maybe go back to someone’s house afterward to hang out and talk or watch a movie. It’s one thing if some friends choose to take the bride on a cruise. However, it should not ever be expected that committing to be in someone’s wedding would involve these types of additional, grandiose expenditures.
Post # 22
It’s completely unreasonable for the Maid/Matron of Honor to expect you to fork over $500+ for a trip you were not informed of or agreed to. I agree with pp’s who said to rsvp “no” and send only what you feel comfortable for the bride’s shower “gift,” if you send anything at all!
Post # 23
I might be in the minority here but here, the bride does not pay for the bachelorette party. At all. It doesn’t matter if it’s in town just drinks and dancing or out of town weekend, everyone chips in for her.
a) It’s not right that you can’t afford to go and you are still expected to pay for her. If you aren’t going, you don’t chip in.
b) Everyone who’s going chips in for the bride. Not just the bridesmaids! Every lady gives a little bit.
That’s how it works in my circle.
Post # 24
I agree that the bride should not pay for anything for the bachelorette, but I think its really unreasonable to just announce the bachelorette party plans without consulting with the wedding party. discussing budgets etc.
Anyways, glad that you backed out of the wedding party. Sounds like the best option.