(Closed) Destination Ceremony Only Rude or Polite?

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think if people travel for your wedding, you have to provide them with a meal.  There are a bunch of ways to do that without spending a million dollars…so good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think this is a difficult one. On one hand you can tell people upfront that it’s just a ceremony with no reception at all. Let them decide. However you may have people who are going to come no matter what who will be a little put off without any sort of celebration after.

I know if it was someone I was close to/immediate family, I would drive 2 1/2 hours no problem just to watch a ceremony. I would be a little upset but I would do it.

Post # 5
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

It’s your wedding and you can do whatever you want…. just remember that they can do whatever they want as well, if they decide that’s a long way to go for just a ceremony and decline.

We attended DH’s sister’s destination wedding in Hawaii and she was originally planning a situation like you’re referring to, and kept bragging about how much money she’d be saving, and how all she really wanted was to get married barefoot on the beach.  I thought that was kind of rude, because it was definitely expected that we be there by his parents.  Yeah, it cost us more to ATTEND their wedding than to THROW ours, so it was a little annoying.

Post # 6
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@dollface313:  I agree with @peachacid. I would be very irritated if I came all that way for a wedding and didn’t get dinner (especially if the bride and groom went off to dinner alone, that seems odd). You can still make it about you two while hosting your guests. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you don’t want people getting drunk, you don’t have to have a big party reception, but if people are travelling that far for your wedding, the least you can do is take them to a restaurant and provide them with a meal. Yes, it is about you and your Fiance…but if you start inviting other people then you need to be a good host. And what you are describing is being a pretty terrible host, sorry.

Post # 8
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@dollface313:  you dont need to have an elaborate reception, but a local restaurant would be a good idea. its a bit harsh to make people drive for a ceremony, and then send them off by themselves immediately afterwards

or a cake and punch reception for an hour…but something would be better, in my honest opinion

Post # 9
Member
3238 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Wonderstruck:  +1

 

If you truly want it to be about the two of you (and trust me, I can relate) then I think you should have a true elopement. Once you start inviting people, you have a responsibility to host them. By all means, announce that you’re having a simple elopment ceremony only and if people say that they want to witness it, cool.  If not, also cool. But I would consider it world class SHADE to receive an invitation to an event, be expected to travel for it and then not be fed. It would show me that the couple truly didn’t care whether I attended. And…if you don’t, better to just go with your first mind and elope. 

Post # 11
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@dollface313:  You could limit the options to wine and beer, just have a champagne toast, or not have any alcohol at all. But I would think it was the height of selfishness if I had to drive hours to go to someone’s wedding and they couldn’t even be arsed to feed me cake, punch and chalky mints. It’s your day, but if it were me, I’d AT LEAST do cake/punch.

Post # 12
Member
3238 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@dollface313:  remember, dearypie. Even if you run off and get married, you won’t be able to run forever. I do hope you’re not eloping to avoid addressing something that needs to be taken care of in advance of joining your families together.

Post # 14
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Either elope just the two of you or plan some sort of accomodation for your guests. The day is about you, but you are hosting an even that people wil lbe spending money and time to attend. It doesn’t have to be fancy and it doesn’t have to include alcohol. Otherwise make it just the two of you.

Post # 15
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It sounds like you want to elope…so that seems like a reasonable plan minus the guests.  Maybe do small receptions back home shortly after your elopement?

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