(Closed) Destination frusteration

posted 7 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 32
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Daisy_Mae:  I think she was upset that her Future Mother-In-Law

said no when OP was still in the process of researching venues and hasn’t even researched a group rate. She saw the rack rate on a website and threatened not to come.

Post # 33
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@mrschristmas:  I understand your frustration.  We are having a Destination Wedding in Thailand (this month!!)  and while many guests are happy & exicted to come, others have declined which of course is fine & we understand many people cant afford it.  But we had a lot of resistence from FI’s family right form day one & to be honest if you are getting this much resistence this early on it probably wont improve.  I dont mean to be negative but we thought early on they would become more positive & come around to it, we are paying for lots of activities there, subsidising the room rate etc, paid for all suits, ties, etc for Groomsman & BMs, but it became a big sticking point in our relationship with the inlaws (who are financially well off I might add).  The wedding was never discussed with them, whenever we tried they refused to talk about it but wouldnt return the RSVPs until weeks after the deadline saying they were still thinking about it, finally RSVPing yes but not staying at our resort, not telling us when they are arriving, all stall tactics to make it as awkward as possible in a passive agreesive way.  I am not regretting doing a Destination Wedding as I didnt want a big wedding at home & lots of our guests are located all around the world. But in hindsight I would call it ‘eloping’ and just invite my family and our friends to join us if they wanted (but not bother inviting them specially as I did it formally with Save-The-Date Cards and invites).  My family are very excited and supportive as are our friends who are coming.  Our acceptance rate for the RSVPs was 50% which is what we figured it would be.  I might also add FI’s family consider weddings a waste of time & money anyway so we werent going to have an easy road anyway we did it, but putting them in a situation where they had to spend money on something we wanted did not go down well :-).  I also got the comments that if they spend money on a holiday they would rather go elsewhere etc. So good luck, do what is important to you but remember, just because you would do it for other people doesnt mean they will do it for you.  We learnt that the hard way 🙂

Post # 34
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

@mrschristmas:  

Sorry but I’m on her side.  My sister is having a destination wedding and it’s extremely difficult not to resent her for making me fork so much money over for her wedding.  I really could’ve used new furniture.  Whatever though, obviously I couldn’t miss my own sister’s wedding but it is a lot to ask of your guests and I don’t think they’re even saving much money in the end.  Be warned, the “wedding packages” at these resorts come with absolutely nothing other than the sand to stand on and a couple slices of cake.  You still have to pay for the whole reception if want one.  I would never do a destination wedding.  Ever.

Post # 35
Member
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@mrschristmas:  I just think it is something that you have to accept when you choose to have a Destination Wedding. You also have to get out of the mindset of if someone refuses to come to my wedding then it means they don’t love us/support us. If someone declines it usually has nothing at all to do with loving you/supporting your marriage.

 

We had a Destination Wedding and we paid for all of our guests flights/accommodation/travel insurance/transportation and a few meals (2 breakfasts and 3 dinners) and a couple of excursions. We still had guests that declined due to various reasons. Is it disappointing, of course but you have to realise that a Destination Wedding is a big ask of anyone (family included) because it becomes about more than just money. It is about the time, about work, about health and often about the destination.

 

One of my close friends asked me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man at her wedding in rural India but whilst I could afford it, love the country and the people and had the vacation time, healthwise I couldn’t risk a trip there. I had only a few months before stopped chemo treatments and with low immunity couldn’t risk a trip to a third world country.

 

Post # 36
Member
4691 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

$2500 plus airfare is soooo much, even if it was a high estimate- $1000 plus airface (from  NY for me that’s be over $800) is too much. I agree with her. I know she’s acting like a b*tch about it but think about it- by having yor wedding in Jamaica, his family HAS to attend (only son!). You are forcing an incredibly expensive, long vacation on them.  I’m sure they all love you adn want to support you but I personally think that’s not fair to ask of them. That’s the reality of DWs though.

Post # 37
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think it’s a lot for one week, but destination weddings are always expensive for the guests. Personally I couldn’t ask my family to spend that much because my family is huge and they would all come.

Why don’t you suggest she stay someplace else for a cheaper rate? She can still attend the wedding on the day of.

Post # 38
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I did a Destination Wedding at a resort that was not cheap for my guests. The people who really wanted to be there made it work, but you cannot be upset with people who can’t make it work. As a pp suggested take a close look at what is really included in those packages. We still ended up spending a fair amount of money on top of our trip to get all the details we wanted and the resort we chose had more included than most. Also I don’t know if this matters to you but sandals is couples (read adults) only? Other things to keep in mind, unless you wish to go during hurricane season you likely won’t get much of a discount for a group, and travelling from Canada it is actually fairly difficult to go for less than a week as the tour operators don’t offer it. 

 

Post # 39
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

I am doing a destination wedding and I feel like that is a bit much too. If one of our guests chooses to stay a week they have a few options for pricing that week could cost them 1000 plus airfare and park tickets or up to 3000 plus airfare and park tickets. We realise most of our guests will probably only stay 4 nights which means half that cost. It was important that we offer affordable room rates with options of luxury stay. We know many will actualyl book and split a lower level room costing them half of the 1000 since the lower end rooms have 2 double beds.

 

I am editting this to add that our families are 9 hours appart with many others scattered across the united states and beyond. Where ever we chose atleat half of the people would have had to travel. It also would have made it impossible for us to have a honeymoon due to the costs of doing a wedding here or the travel to where his family lives. I also had massive food allergies which we were having issues with caterers over. Many wouldnt let me talk to a chef until after the deposit was in which we were not cool with. This allergy extends to a good portion of the family because its genetic. I also have another issue which is agrivated by stress we did not want me to flare for my wedding. We chose Disney because it makes the travel fair on everyone forcing everyone to travel, they offer packages with steap discounts, it gives us a honey moon, it is our favorite place to go, they coordinate everything, and they have handled my food issue without problems multiple times. We want to share with our guests something we love and we’re doing that. A lot of people are really excited about it :).

Post # 40
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@j_jaye:  100% to your entire post. I hate when I read “oh well people that really care will be there” thats so false.  

 

 

Having Destination Wedding is risk and its completely reasonable to get push back. $2,500 is a crap load of money. I don’t care if I have 1.5 year notice,  It wouldn’t be on my radar until six months prior to departure and I think that’s true of most people. Trust me I dream of getting married in a location l I kept Anguilla or St. Lucia but I would simply have it just me and FH. Or keep it to a small group of inlaws and witnesses.

 

Post # 41
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mrschristmas:  $2500 is A LOT for a destination wedding!!! I’ve been to quite a few destination weddings to expensive 5 star resorts and I have never spent that much!!! And assuming people travel as a couple? I’m sorry, I’m not spending 5K on anyones wedding. lol. My fiance and I are only spending 6K for our two week honeymoon to Europe!!
I think you need to either 1.) Get with your travel agend & find out the exact amount that your guests will be paying. 2.) Help with the cost of accommodations (which is what most of my friends have done for destination weddings in other countries. or 3.) Get married down there with just yourself & your future hubby then plan a reception back home.
I am having a Destination Wedding in Florida. Yes it’s not gorgeous Jamacia or Mexico but I wanted my family & close friends to join – and I wanted to keep it as inexpensive as possible! We too have people scattered all over since we don’t even live in the same state as where we were raised. To our wedding, our guests can drive/carpool if they choose (about 12 hours) to save money. They all rented 3 bedroom condos to split costs of condos. Since we have made it relatively affordable, we are expecting approximately 80 people at our wedding. I will also add that Fiance and myself (along with our close friends) are in our late 20s/early 30s with very successful careers. Finances are not an issue with us but I still wouldn’t pay $2500 for a destination wedding. Additionally, if you continue with these plans, be prepared for a small amount, if anyone, to even show up. If that is something you are okay with, then you’ll have a gorgeous perfect wedding. If that is something you are not okay with, then you need to reevaluate your wedding plans.

 

Post # 42
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@swisea01:  +1! That is exactly what we did. Most of our guests are driving. Those who are flying are paying about $450 in airfare. Many of them rented 3 bedroom condos to split the costs. I think most couples are paying around $500 for the week across the road from the beach. $700 per couple for 7 nights at is a fantastic deal. We wanted to make it affordable for everyone to be able to attend 🙂

Post # 43
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

stick with ur guns!lol umm i am having destination and we looked at africa but then bro in law couldnt come as they have a baby and didnt wanna take her to africa. then looked at carribean but my grandparents were on a crusie wen the weather is best. so we decided on cyprus. its £900 per person for 1 week half board. it was financially our best option too. and we are having a simple church blessing and cheap party when we get back for people that cant come. so we sent out 26 invites and said we understand and dont expect everyone to be ther. we had a little storm but things calmed down we stuck to our gunns and booked … 6 months later and we have 19 guests. we didnt expectthat many people and are more than happy. however i think you have to be prepared to be dissapointed. i never expected my sister to fly from australia for it but she is!

stick to what u want, you wont regret doing what u want but will regret changing your mind for other people.

Hope This Helps..xxx

Post # 44
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think 2500 $ is too much (I’m going 10 day to turkey, in 5* hotels, all expences, for aproximatly 1000 us dollars), I think i wouldn’t go for that price, maybe if it was half of that :S

I understand why you freak your fmil, but her reaction was not good, I advice you to be calm with her, and let her freak out on her own, keep planning the wedding and see what the final price will be, and than decide if it is too much or not. Good luck.

Post # 45
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think the important thing to remember with a Destination Wedding is that you have to be OK with the idea that anyone just may turn it down. My brother had a Destination Wedding and my sister almost couldn’t come. He was OK with that. 

It’s her life. If she chooses to go to Spain she has every right, just as you have every right to choose a wedding that she might not be able to come to. 

Look up El Conquistador Resort in Puerto Rico. The price was much better! Wink

Post # 46
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@IUrebekah3RT:  Ya I agree! I have friends coming and I did everything I could to find places that were cheap and in good locations. Some people are flying, but they all had the option to drive, which was important to me because I knew if it was in another country I might not even have my immediate family there (I have six siblings, five of which still live with my mom!)

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