Destination-ish Wedding Help

posted 1 year ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
6646 posts
Bee Keeper

I guess since you are paying you can dictate who can and cannot stay, but personally if someone has a room I don’t see why they can’t have a +1 stay with them? Neither here nor there. 

Since it’s so few people I would chat with each person individually so they know what the deal is before the invite goes out. Maybe include something like “will stay at group beach residence__ will stay offsite__” so you can get a headcount. 

We did something similar; our venue had a 7 bedroom villa so we invited our bridal party and some other friends to stay with us. Some people even brought “foamies” (like blow up mattresses) and crashed in non bedroom rooms (library, office). Everyone was happy to be able to crash 20′ from the wedding. 

Post # 3
Member
3418 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I think you should make the invitation for the house itself explicit to a certain list of people and  their partners, then for the remainder of your guest list, hold a block of rooms at a nearby hotel and include that information in the invitation, along with the time and locaiton of the ceremony and reception(s). 

I love the idea, by the way!!

Post # 6
Member
6646 posts
Bee Keeper

The issue is that some friends who we don’t know their girlfriend or boyfriend we wouldn’t give them a plus one

Whoa whoa whoa – back the truck up. If they are seeing someone, their gf or bf isn’t a “plus one” they are a bf or gf and should be invited. Plus ones are for truly single people. 

Post # 8
Member
3286 posts
Sugar bee

Friends od mine did this. They sent out an email (bcc’ing everybody so to not violate privacy or clog up people’s inbox wirh replies) asking who was interested in staying in the house. Once they had that headcount, they could extend the offer to others. The wedding invitation was them sent separately from the accomodation discussions.

Post # 9
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

mrborel :  I think you should give plus one, but i know that’s your decision.

As a guest, i would ask, “Can I just pay for the other half of the room, so I can stay there and have no roommate? Wouldn’t this be cheaper for me?” As an adult, I’m really not into sharing anymore. 

Post # 12
Member
3418 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

mrborel :  OK I get what you are saying. I guess I’d maybe err on the side of inviting spouses/fiancees/commonlaw partners by name and not doing plus one’s at all, since it sounds like a lot of your friends are single anyways so they would only be bringing a plus one because they can?

It’d be kind of hurtful though not to invite someones bf or gf that they have been with for 3 years just because you don’t know that person well. When people couple up, their partner becomes a special part of who they are and it could cause some hurt feelings or even tension if you’re basically telling people “your gf can come but she has to get a hotel room elsewhere and stay by herself even though she probably doesn’t know anyone else there.”

Post # 14
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

Hey just some clarification needed Bee? I assume when you talk about your FI’s two best friends sharing a room that it is a room with two single beds? So if a couple took that room you would have to use two bedrooms? I only ask because if it’s a room with two double beds why can’t both sets of couples share if they are ok with that.

I also second the suggestion to send out the invites separate from the sleeping information. Maybe send an email or call up your friends and get a general idea of everyone’s feelings and then go from there. I don’t think you can easily convey what’s you have written here on the invitation so I would make that separate. 

Post # 15
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

mrborel :  if they decide to pay to bring their SO and stay at a hotel, will the SO be allowed to go to your wedding and reception?

I have to be honest, something really irks me about your plan. I can imagine a boyfriend says to his girlfriend, “guess what love, now I have to pay for you to go to a wedding, when i could have gone dor free. What  do you think?” “Well you either pay up or decline, that’s what a boyfriend does.” “Grrr, why does my friend do this to me?”

“Because they REALLY don’t want you there.”

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