(Closed) Destination small wedding/Shower

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think that this can be a very fine line to walk, but it can be done appropriately.

If I understand correctly, you are having a very small wedding with family and attendants only. Some friends, who will not be invited to the wedding, want to throw you a shower. Correct?

First and foremost, it will need to be very clear that these friends will not be invited to the wedding, and the shower guests also need to be aware that they will not be invited to the wedding. If everyone knows that, and they still want to throw a party for you guys, then I think that would be ok. But perhaps you could consider calling it something other than a shower, and the invitation wording should help everyone understand what the situation is. Maybe it can be worded similar to: Jill and Jack are getting married in September. Please join us on [date] to celebrate their love for one another & our love for them with a good ol’ fashioned fish fry…"

Quick question… you mentioned the venue for the wedding is in FL. Do you live in FL as well, and are the friends who want to throw you the fish fry shower also in FL? It might be easier if the shower is located locally, and then you’re getting married a little farther away… but, it is what it is!

Post # 4
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

If they want to throw you a shower I think that’s perfectly acceptable, but I think the guests need to know that they do not have to bring gifts, and like beachbride stated they will not be invited to the wedding due to its private nature.  If the ladies want to have a get together though, I say do it!  It’ll be fun.

Post # 5
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

A friend of mine got married with about 10 people in attendance.  She had a shower and we all knew we weren’t invited to the wedding and were quite happy to have a chance to celebrate with her!! I wouldn’t personally think you have to say no gifts, I wanted to give my friend a gift to celerbate her marriage.

Post # 6
160 posts
Blushing bee

I think that’s great of your friends! Destination weddings have a whole different set of rules. As long as most of the people in attendance will NOT be invited to the wedding, it would be appropriate. What you don’t want is to have only a few guests realize they are the only ones NOT coming to your "small" wedding, when most of the people at the shower would be attending…

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