(Closed) Destination STD etiquette – invite everyone with STD?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do I have to send invites to everyone who got an STD and declined/didn't respond/can't make it?
    Yes, it's etiquette : (30 votes)
    79 %
    No, not if they told you they couldn't make it already : (7 votes)
    18 %
    No, send it to who you want, STDs be damned! : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    1038 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Why did you send them an STD if you weren’t planning on inviting them to the wedding.




    If I received an STD from someone and never got an invitation to follow up, I would consider that kinda rude, even if I wasn’t gonna go to their wedding.

    Post # 4
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Why would you want them to know about your wedding date and potentially save that date if you weren’t going to invite them?  You never know if it’s something they can/want to save up the time off and money for, so nobody’s response is guaranteed to be a no.

    FWIW, pretty much everyone’s responses for our wedding have been unpredictable.  We’re having some people fly from the opposite side of Earth to attend that we never would have thought would RSVP yes!  Many of the other yes’s and no’s have been complete surprises, too.

    Post # 5
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I think etiquette says you have to.Otherwise those with an STD will be wondering why they never received the invite. If you are certain they’ll decline, send the invite, and wait for their reply. A few bucks per person for the postage and invite is worth not hurting their feelings. You never know, some of them may want to go. You shouldn’t make that choice for them if you’ve already sent them the STD.

    Post # 6
    3368 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Everyone that receives a save the date needs to be invited, that’s just how it goes. Even if you know an invitation is likely going to be declined, you should still invite them. I am sending quite a few courtest invites, it’s just the polite thing to do. It shows them that you wish they could be there, even if they are not able to. 

    Post # 7
    506 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @hwatermelon:  Etiquette says you send STD’s with the intention of sending them an invite. I get the apprehension. My FIL’s are pressuring us to send some to far off family because “they won’t come,” but my mom would skin me if I dared to not follow through with an invite which ofcourse inserts the “what if they say yes?” 

    If you don’t care about what etiquette dictates then it is obviously your choice. I would feel weird not giving them an invite after a std. One thing we’re planning on doing is for those we don’t feel the want/need to include on our list but for various reasons they would be hurt to not recieve any nod concerning our wedding (family businesses, church members etc.) will be sent an announcement. We’re (read my mom)  sending the set out the day of our wedding so within the week everyone in attendance or otherwise will get a card announcing the big news of our marriage without being slighted by a STD with no intention of invite.

    Post # 9
    3268 posts
    Sugar bee

    There is no response for an STD, so anything that they have mentioned in passing is not their official accept/decline.

    You have told them that an invitation will be following with details, and you must honour that committment.  If you didn’t want to invite them you shouldn’t have sent them a STD.

    Besides many things may have changed since the time you sent the STD.

    Post # 10
    5037 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Echoing the rest, you have to send an invite to everyone you sent an STD to. It’s rude not to, even if you know they won’t come. 

    Post # 11
    650 posts
    Busy bee

    I would still send them an invite simply for teh fact that circumstances could change and that person or persons might change their mind and be able to attend

    Post # 12
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I am.

    i spoke to a friend who lives far away and we were sending out our Save-The-Date Cards.  So we talked and she said she wouldn’t be able to come because her sis is graduating from high school in another stae. 

    I told her I was going to be sending her the STD and invite anyway just so she knows we are thinking of her.

    She said she always keeps the wedding invites from our little group of friends (from high school) and she is looking forward to getting ours.

    Post # 13
    363 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    U probably just send them an invite as well wot if they change their mind

    Post # 14
    6122 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Yes, if you sent them an STD, and the verbally told you they couldn’t come, you do still have to send an invitation per etiquette rules.  You never know if their plans will change too.


    If you know they aren’t coming in advance (aka like 99 year old grammie who would never fly) and you are very conscientous about numbers, then you always choose not to send an STD.  Then you are not locked into an invitation/meal space.

    Post # 15
    3471 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    Yes, you’ve told them about the wedding– now you have to invite them. Even people who declined when they got yhe STD, sometimes circumstances change, you need to at least give them the chance to decide. 

    Post # 16
    199 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I didn’t have a destination wedding, but we still sent invites to our international guests who told us in advance they couldn’t make it. I don’t know if it’s an etiquette issue or not, but I still wanted them to feel included.

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