Post # 1
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
Hi all!
I’m having a destination wedding in Mexico and inviting friends and family from all around the world. Because of the location I feel i’d have a very low response rate, and wanted to know if I have to send invitations to everyone I send an STD to, even if I know/think they’ve declined anyway?
I’m sending quite a few ‘courtesy’ Save-The-Date Cards and feel uncomfortable mailing invites overseas knowing it will probably have to be declined twice.
Edit. – I meant to those who have already declined
Post # 3
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
Why did you send them an STD if you weren’t planning on inviting them to the wedding.
If I received an STD from someone and never got an invitation to follow up, I would consider that kinda rude, even if I wasn’t gonna go to their wedding.
Post # 4
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
Why would you want them to know about your wedding date and potentially save that date if you weren’t going to invite them? You never know if it’s something they can/want to save up the time off and money for, so nobody’s response is guaranteed to be a no.
FWIW, pretty much everyone’s responses for our wedding have been unpredictable. We’re having some people fly from the opposite side of Earth to attend that we never would have thought would RSVP yes! Many of the other yes’s and no’s have been complete surprises, too.
Post # 5
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
I think etiquette says you have to.Otherwise those with an STD will be wondering why they never received the invite. If you are certain they’ll decline, send the invite, and wait for their reply. A few bucks per person for the postage and invite is worth not hurting their feelings. You never know, some of them may want to go. You shouldn’t make that choice for them if you’ve already sent them the STD.
Post # 6
Hostess
3369 posts
Sugar bee
Everyone that receives a save the date needs to be invited, that’s just how it goes. Even if you know an invitation is likely going to be declined, you should still invite them. I am sending quite a few courtest invites, it’s just the polite thing to do. It shows them that you wish they could be there, even if they are not able to.
Post # 7
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
@hwatermelon: Etiquette says you send STD’s with the intention of sending them an invite. I get the apprehension. My FIL’s are pressuring us to send some to far off family because “they won’t come,” but my mom would skin me if I dared to not follow through with an invite which ofcourse inserts the “what if they say yes?”
If you don’t care about what etiquette dictates then it is obviously your choice. I would feel weird not giving them an invite after a std. One thing we’re planning on doing is for those we don’t feel the want/need to include on our list but for various reasons they would be hurt to not recieve any nod concerning our wedding (family businesses, church members etc.) will be sent an announcement. We’re (read my mom) sending the set out the day of our wedding so within the week everyone in attendance or otherwise will get a card announcing the big news of our marriage without being slighted by a STD with no intention of invite.
Post # 8
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
@piacavoleKt: Thanks for your response, I think the announcement idea is what I’m looking for for those who have already declined, even prior to sending STDs
Post # 9
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
There is no response for an STD, so anything that they have mentioned in passing is not their official accept/decline.
You have told them that an invitation will be following with details, and you must honour that committment. If you didn’t want to invite them you shouldn’t have sent them a STD.
Besides many things may have changed since the time you sent the STD.
Post # 10
Member
4868 posts
Honey bee
Echoing the rest, you have to send an invite to everyone you sent an STD to. It’s rude not to, even if you know they won’t come.
Post # 11
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
I would still send them an invite simply for teh fact that circumstances could change and that person or persons might change their mind and be able to attend
Post # 12
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
I am.
i spoke to a friend who lives far away and we were sending out our Save-The-Date Cards. So we talked and she said she wouldn’t be able to come because her sis is graduating from high school in another stae.
I told her I was going to be sending her the STD and invite anyway just so she knows we are thinking of her.
She said she always keeps the wedding invites from our little group of friends (from high school) and she is looking forward to getting ours.
Post # 13
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
U probably just send them an invite as well wot if they change their mind
Post # 14
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
Yes, if you sent them an STD, and the verbally told you they couldn’t come, you do still have to send an invitation per etiquette rules. You never know if their plans will change too.
If you know they aren’t coming in advance (aka like 99 year old grammie who would never fly) and you are very conscientous about numbers, then you always choose not to send an STD. Then you are not locked into an invitation/meal space.
Post # 15
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Yes, you’ve told them about the wedding– now you have to invite them. Even people who declined when they got yhe STD, sometimes circumstances change, you need to at least give them the chance to decide.
Post # 16
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
I didn’t have a destination wedding, but we still sent invites to our international guests who told us in advance they couldn’t make it. I don’t know if it’s an etiquette issue or not, but I still wanted them to feel included.
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