(Closed) Destination Wedding and Shower=Rude??? **PIOT**

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it considered rude to have a destination wedding and a bridal shower?
    YES : (33 votes)
    58 %
    NO : (24 votes)
    42 %
  • Post # 31
    3194 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    SkinnyLatte17:  the general rule of thumb is anyone who is not invited to the wedding should not be invited to the shower. as long as you don’t invite anyone to the shower who isn’t invited to the Destination Wedding, you’re  fine.

    Post # 32
    446 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014


    SkinnyLatte17:  I’m also having a Destination Wedding. Regardless of our wedding type, my Fiance and I have opted out of receiving gifts because a) we already have *most* everything we need and b) we don’t want our friends to buy stuff for us. That being said, in my experience so far, there ARE people who will want to get you a gift, regardless if they’re invited to your wedding or not. So, my Fiance are registering, but we literally only have like 8 things on our list, for those people who have been asking/will ask and such.

    Also, I’m lucky to have very thoughtful, very involved bridesmaids who want to do the whole shower/bachelorette thing. I’m still unsure I want a shower, but we’re definitely doing the bachelorette. What helps take the sting out of all the costs are the facts that my Fiance and I are paying for our bridal party’s resort stay (our wedding is in Mexico), as well as paying for the bmaid dress/groomsmen outfits.

    Post # 33
    12227 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    It’s the Destination Wedding that is the etiquette issue, not the shower.  If you choose to have a wedding in a location so remote and expensive that important  guests can’t attend, you are in effect saying that the exotic location is more important to you than they are. 

    That is not to say that a Destination Wedding is always inconsiderate. Circumstances can be such that everyone would have to travel that far no matter what.  Or it might be a small wedding for just immediate family, with everyone on board.  But in general, I would be uncomfortable asking guests to spend even a small amount on a shower in this situation. 

    Anyway, you  won’t find an etiquette sanctioned guideline for your question because most DWs are not approved to begin with. 

     Nevertheless, since you are going this route, common sense dictates that one would not want your guests to have to incur any additional expense.  And for those who are unlikely to be able to afford to attend, IMO  it’s tough to justify arguing that they are “invited” when for all practical purposes they really aren’t. 

    A shower is, by definition, about gifts in any case. 



    Post # 34
    57 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2013


    MrsUPS:  I absolutely expected NOTHING from my wedding guests and the fact that you are inviting people and expecting gifts makes you very shallow and selfish. 

    And OP-I think you really need to decline any and all showers.  You are asking your guests to not only spend a lot of money on getting to your wedding, now you want to shake them down for more gifts as well? 


    Post # 35
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    SkinnyLatte17:  Its rude to invite people to a shower if they aren’t invited to the wedding. 

    In your case, if you are inviting people to your wedding I suppose you’re technically in the clear but, if you know there’s little to no chance people won’t attend the wedding, I think it’s really pushing the bounds of good taste to invite them to a shower.

    The topic ‘Destination Wedding and Shower=Rude??? **PIOT**’ is closed to new replies.

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