(Closed) Destination Wedding Blues :(

posted 10 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
30400 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you  “knew this was the risk we take planning a wedding overseas..”

It’s ok to be disappointed but your wedding is still along ways away. Perhaps things will change for them before 2013. Wait and see what the feedback is from the rest of your family. If too many of the people you want at your wedding won’t be able to attend, you might have to reconsider your plans.

Post # 4
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would be bummed, too, but, like you said, that’s the risk you took. Presumably you’re saving money by having a smaller wedding, so, if you really want them there, maybe you could subsidize some of their trip…? I know if it were me, I would make room in my budget to get the people I wanted to my wedding.

On one hand, I would never miss a close family/friend’s wedding because of money. I would make it happen. On the other hand, it’s not really fair for you to choose a wedding that will be expensive for your guests but then be upset when they can’t afford to come. 

Post # 5
3501 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@roxieheart:  2013 is still far enough away that things could change.  did they say why they couldnt come?  is it work realted or something along those lines that could eventually get better with time? 

Post # 7
1 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012
Post # 8
9986 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Once the tensions have calmed down a bit, maybe your Fiance could talk to his brother alone and see why they don’t think they can make it.  Maybe they’re TTC and don’t want to commit to traveling with a little one, maybe financially it’s just not feasible.  Before you get really upset by it, see what their reasoning is.  And like PPs have said, there’s a lot of time before next summer where they could change their minds!

Post # 10
13 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

I understand your situation.  The only person from my family attending will be one of my sisters and she is coming all the way from Japan (wedding is in Jamaica).  The funny part for us is that his family begged us to have it at home because some people would not be able to go.  Well,  they are all booked.  My family is refusing to attend. My brother called me and blatantly said that he was not attending because it was too much money for his family and that he would rather send money.  He also said that “THIS IS WHAT I SHOULD EXPECT IF I HAVE A DESTINATION WEDDING.” My mom said the same thing but she is more upset that she won’t be able to show up her friends at a home wedding.  I was very upset about it, I cried for a long time. I even told my mother that I would pay her way, just so I could have her at my side on my wedding day.  Yet, she still refuses.  But it is what is, we will start our life together with or without them. 

Post # 11
3625 posts
Sugar bee

I think that very often when someone in a family announces they want to have a destination wedding, people will initially be excited about the thought. Once they actually sit down and figure out the logistics and exactly how much it will really be costing them in terms of both time and cash, sometimes they have to back out.

 I know when my daughter wanted hers to be in Mexico, everyone was happy for them. Once flights and passports and hotels,etc. started getting figured out, it was a little shocking to know that it would cost some families $5-6,000.+ to attend. They wouldn’t be going there if not for the wedding, and regretfully, said as much and that they just couldn’t swing it. How can you argue with that?

I know how disappointing it can be, so I hope you can let it go and enjoy the people who can be there.

Post # 12
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@roxieheart:  My family has to fly 3 hours to come see our wedding, and I don’t think my mom is even going.  My one sister was unemployed so she really didn’t have the funds.  The other sister could go but she cannot get much time off.

So I totally know how it feels to know that your family may not be there.  We just don’t live near any family – not even the entire time zone.  I’m not going to have a wedding back in my home state where I haven’t lived for 18 years.  That would make FI’s side do all the travelling.  Asking people to come to us was the only option.

Well along with some other things (my terminally ill father) combined with the financial burden of asking our guests to come to us, we are seriouly considering an elopement just for the ease of everyone.  There are so many pros to a private wedding, I cannot think of any for having a wedding event – for my situation.

Post # 13
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Totally understand where you are coming from. We have given family and friends over a year and a  few family members that we know have the $ for it or can save up if they wanted to aren’t making it. It buggs me b/c we have some friends who are truly struggling and are 100% going to make it b/c they can’t wait to see us get married. Its also sad because You know you would do all you could to make it for them if the tables were turned. Oh well, what can you do?

Post # 15
7571 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

As someone said this is a chance you take when having a Destination Wedding. I know it sucks believe me I do! We paid for our guests to attend our Destination Wedding and even then some did not come because they had other things in their life that were more important to them than a free holiday. Of my 3 BM’s only 1 could make the trip- my sister was due to custody issues and douchey ex-hubby and my good friend was because of an ill mother. I felt upset that they couldn’t be there for the wedding but I totally understood where they were coming from.

My hubby however felt really upset at one of his brothers who said they couldn’t come to the wedding and then just gave a different reason everytime they talked (hubby never asked). Finally my other SIL told me that the brothers Fiance just didn’t want to go the destination which to me is farir enough. In the end hubby was more upset by the excuses and lying than his brother not attending. Funny thing is that Brother-In-Law is having a Destination Wedding this year and we are going even though it is somewhere we have been 6 times before and hubby is still a little bitter about it. But we will still go and have fun!

Post # 16
4107 posts
Honey bee

I went thru the exact same thing. We had a Destination Wedding. All our immediate family and close friends were 100% on board so we booked.  Several months later DHs sister announces she cannot come. I know DH was disappointed, I felt responsible, the whole shebang you are going thru. Even how we found out sucked (thru his parents and not from het directly)  The only thing I can tell you is that our wedding was perfect, we were both soooo happy on the day that really nothing could bring us down. And ya it sucked big time his sister wasn’t there, but we accepted it and also decided to do a BBQ at home celebration when when we got back specifically because his sister and her kids (who would have been in the wedding party) couldn’t be there. Initially we were not doing any AHR but due to his sister and two of my childhood friends who also backed out (they also said 100% they were coming before we booked!), we decided a party back home was worth it (we did it very cheaply too). 

Also, while I was a bit disappointed that only half the ppl came who initially told me they were coming, I can also tell u that our small intimate wedding seemed to beexactly what it was supposed to be. We had just the right number of ppl

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