Post # 1
So I’m having a destination wedding (of sorts) in Hawaii at Disney’s new Aulani Resort. While my FI’s family are super excited even though they are financially not as well off (and all finding a way to come), my family is all why didn’t you just have it here in NJ so we could easily make it? Keep in mind most of these are doctors and businessmen with multi-million dollar houses. I guess I wanted a small wedding and having it where my fiance and I live seems… well not so wrong. But the whiplash I’m getting is crazy that I feel forced to have an at-home reception for them in NJ (it is not in the budget). My Fiance and I would have to fly out and stay for a few days and ship all the gifts back to Hawaii (super expensive). I knew before that most of my family wouldn’t make it unless I accommodated them (I didn’t even want some of them to come but I had to invite them to keep the peace), but now I’m getting all sorts of hell from them. Am I a total brat for saying its our day in our home area with our friends and family? My FI’s family are making a huge effort to join us (no complaints at all) and either Hawaii or NJ would be a destination from Utah. On my side, only my mother and sister (MOH) are coming. My Fiance has mom, dad, 3 sisters, 2 sister husbands, 1 niece, two aunts, two uncles, one grandmother, one grandfather, etc. Most immediate family and some extras. Many are coming from Virginia, NY, and Florida too. It is Labor Day weekeed. And I know they take ski vacations every year ranging 5-10k (I’ve been on some of them as a freerider when I was young) on top of a summer beach trip to Myrtle. I’m the first in my family (immediate or otherwise) to get married and I’m a little hurt that even my grandparents aren’t coming, or trying to come. Should I try to accommodate them somehow?
Post # 3
I don’t think you need to accommodate them. Have the wedding that you and your Fiance want to have. Those who want to come will come and let the rest complain. Don’t let them push you around and try to make decisions for you.
You just need to decide if you’re ok with not having certain people with you at your wedding.
Post # 4
We live in and are having our wedding in Hawaii also. We are running into the problem of a lot people not being able to make the trip due to the high cost. It is disapointing to not have your family at such an important event. But at the end of the day, it’s your wedding and you should do what you and your fiance want to do. To compromise, we went to my home town to have a wedding shower so we could spend time with some guests that would not be able to make it to the wedding. There’s always some options that you can consider without deviating too much from how you want your wedding to be.
Post # 5
What you’re doing is completely and shockingly normal: you are getting married in the state that you live in. Wowza! That’s not really a destination wedding, even if you are traveling inter-islands. Your relatives have no right to complain and certainly no right to demand that you switch the location. They do, unfortuantely have the right to decline and that’s the reality that you face (although if they’re going to behave like that, do you really want them there anyway?). So if you are okay with that, then have your wedding where you are and screw ’em. Don’t let them bully you into doing something for THEIR convenience!
But just to let you know, I think that this is what’s going on: You do live in Hawaii. And I dunno if this is just my personal experience (my mother is from Hawaii and all my relatives live there so it’s kind of a second home to me), but I did find that East Coasters think of Hawaii in a different way that I felt SoCalifornians did, which is to say HI is pretty exotic to them. Like, I sometimes wonder if they’re aware Hawaii is a state and not a separate country! To give them some credit, though, it IS like, an 11-hour flight. That might why you’re getting this kind of attitude from the NJerseyites as opposed to those from Utah. I also got the sense, living in NY, that E. Coasters weren’t really “aware” that Honoulu is a city and people live and work there like anywhere else–I mean, they got that intellectually, but their image was Hawaii that was full of people surfing and eating shave ice (excuse me, shaved ice, to mainlanders!) and sunbathing, so in some sense, because you’re doing this at a resort, they conflate that and think of it as like, a big Destination Wedding, if you KWIM.
Post # 6
Wow that seems a little selfish and rude on your family’s part. I don’t think your are being a brat in the slightest bit to have your wedding where you want it…not to mention where you live! I would think that if it was really that important to them, as long as they were financially able to support it, that they would find a way to be there for your day.
Post # 7
It is your wedding. Ultimately you do what makes you happy. You are not gonna please everyone, so instead of stressing and bending over backwards to try and do so why not just make sure you please you and your Fiance in regards to the wedding. I am jealous that yall are lucky to live in such a beautiful state and if I was your family or friends I would just consider your wedding the perfect excuse to visit Hawaii again.
You live in paradise, seems like the most rational thing that you would want to get married there as well as opposed to New Jersey.