(Closed) Girl! Destination Wedding Crasher?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Ooooh, Miss CoCo -
    Girl, you cruel : (7 votes)
    6 %
    Girl, she's trippin' : (100 votes)
    85 %
    Girl, I love polls! : (11 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    881 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @MissCoCo:  Well that is majorily awkward. While you don’t own the city so she can travel there is she wants, you can ask that she not be involved in wedding related things. Thats how I would have your Maid/Matron of Honor phrase it to her: you cant stop her from coming but prefer only bridal party and immediate famimy be involved w/ wedding related tasks. 

    Post # 5
    881 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @MissCoCo:  Oh yea i know YOU do I mean have your Maid/Matron of Honor say that so she gets how weird she is being! 

    Post # 7
    1721 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Ugh I hate when people do stuff like this, like it sucks you weren’t invited but don’t make awkward!  I would just have your Maid/Matron of Honor tell her that you appreciate the offer but you have everything covered and will not need her at all during the wedding weekend.  She is welcome to come to the city of course but will not be welcome at any of the wedding events.  Be nice but firm, don’t beat around the bush just come out and say she is not invited.


    Post # 8
    42 posts
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I feel like your Maid/Matron of Honor is hoping you are ok with this, even though her gut says you aren’t.  Why else would she bring it up to you and not suggest to the other friend to visit that place on a different weekend/  especially since she is asking to “help” with the wedding..  She’s looking for an invite any way she can get it. 

    Post # 10
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    Maybe talk to her and say you wouldn’t mind catching up with her after your wedding and thank you so much for your offer to help but we will be so busy the day of the wedding as it is. That is so incredibly awkward. Is she unable to have one weekend without her friends around? I don’t get it …

    Post # 11
    2258 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @MissCoCo:  Ugh–I’m with you. I will never unstand why people want to show up to events which they weren’t invited to. I think this is a legitimate “this is my wedding” moment. I agree with allsevenofus that your MoH was hoping you’d just let it slide. Don’t. Stick up for yourself and let her know it’s not cool. 

    Post # 13
    1475 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @excitedtobeMRSF:  +1 You can’t prevent her from coming, but I would absolutely say she is not needed and won’t be invited to the wedding related events.

    Post # 15
    7339 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    You can’t prevent her from traveling, and you also can’t prevent your other guests from leaving one of your events early to go hang out with her.  If that is the choice they make, then accept it in good grace and move on.  You can’t dictate how people choose to spend their time, especially given how much money, time and effort they’re going to in order to get there. It’s just like how you can’t get angry if a couple wants to duck out a bit early from the rehearsal dinner to go have a romantic time alone. 

    You can absolutely make it clear that she is not invited to the various events but do keep in mind that the invited guests are free to follow their own timeline, and try not to take it personally. As tricky as the situation is for you, it’s worse for your common friends, because they are going to be trying to make everyone happy, whereas you’re not really stressed over keeping up a friendship with this person.

    (FWIW I think it sounds desperate and lonely to want to tag along to a Destination Wedding destination when you’re not invited to the wedding. I’m just saying don’t make things worse. Be the bigger person.)

    Post # 16
    6019 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    @MissCoCo:  she doesn’t need your permission to be in town the same weekend as your wedding. You don’t run the town. You do however have the authority to say whether or not she can help out. I think it would be kind of catty to say “no you can’t help set up” but you can say “wow that’s so nice of you but we already have enough help. But thanks for the offer” I think it’s nice that she offered and that she is trying to be considerate of your wedding even though she clearly isn’t invited and all of the other friends in the group are. I don’t think it’s that she can’t go a weekend without the rest of her friends but more so that it’s probably going to be a talked about event and she is the only one who won’t be there. So maybe it makes her feel better to at least have that same weekend away and to be in town. You also can’t dictate if your guests leave early. they can do so for whatever reason they see fit. I doubt  your Maid/Matron of Honor will leave to go keep her company but even so, your guests are free to do as they wish. I think the polite thing to do would be to just say what I mentioned earlier about her helping out and leave it at that.

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