(Closed) Destination Wedding Dilemma….

posted 8 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
5147 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We’re doing the same set-up: destination wedding in Florida, reception back home (Kansas City for me). We only expect about 20 people at the actual wedding.

As far as his mom never flying: there’s a first time for everything!

And even if she doesn’t want to fly, it’s not that bad of a drive from Texas; only a couple days.

Post # 5
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

My mom had a fear of flying, and said she’d never get on an airplane. I know her well and played a risky game that turned out well.

I told her that I was going to get married in the DR, no matter what, and that if she doesn’t want to get on a plane, she could watch the pictures afterwards.

She came to the wedding.

I told her after she bought the tickets that I could not have gotten married without her there and, had she had a valid reason (health issues) not to come, we would have had our wedding at home.

In the end, it was her first time travelling and she LOVED the experience – which was one of our goals by getting married in a Destination Wedding (we wanted quality time with our families, and I wanted my parents to see the ocean once in their lives, and see their faces when they saw it).

Post # 6
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Shouldn’t it be “our” day?  Not “my” day? 

I think it totally depends. If your Fiance really doesn’t want it and is using the mom thing as an excuse, then you should have an honest talk with him about how to have the wedding you both want.

If not, and it really is just a logistical issue, then I do think that’s pretty easily solved by her just driving (or maybe his mom will be braver than he’s giving her credit for and get on a plane!)

Post # 7
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If you guys want to have a Destination Wedding do it! We wanted to go overseas but it was important to me that my grandparents were there to see me get married and they wouldn’t travel. In the end we had the wedding at home and they acted like they were just going to the mall, they didn’t dress up, didn’t really participate and left early. I wish we had of done what we wanted, the people that really cared would have come.

Don’t let other dictate what you do.

Post # 8
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Uh, I’m of the opinion that it’s definitely “OUR” day not “your” day. This is your FI’s mother we’re talking about–your future mother-in-law, grandmother to your kids–how would you feel if Fiance demanded a wedding that your parents couldn’t (I’d put fear of flying in the “couldn’t” not “wouldn’t” category) attend? Not only that, it sounds like your Fiance would be really disappointed if she weren’t there–do you really want him to feel that way on your wedding day?

I’d have Fiance feel her out and see if she WOULD fly–maybe she’ll be open to it and there’s really no problem. If she’s dead-set against it, then I still think you could have a destination wedding, but perhaps look at a location that she could drive to (she COULD presumably drive to FL or someone else could drive with her). Depending on where you are in TX, Mexico might also be a possibility.

Post # 10
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think you should have the day you want. We are doing the same thing, and honestly, I know that some people wont be able to come. I wanted a really small wedding and thats not possible if we have it here in town. Fiance mother was freaking out when she found out we were having a Destination Wedding and it really hurt my feelings, but she has come to terms with it now. She still makes stupid comments every now and then, but I have learned to gracefully ignore it Laughing

In the end, I have no doubt in my mind that we are doing the right thing for US!

Post # 11
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. This is your dream wedding and you should be able to have it how you want. How would you feel if you did a tradition wedding at home? To me, it was a question, I was having my Destination Wedding, like it or not! There was definitley some hesitation from my dad (my mom hasn’t been on a place since she came here from overseas, but she did not hesitate one bit to go to Hawaii!) but now, everyone is on board! You’d be suprised by how many people will actually go to your Destination Wedding. It’s really nice, because you know these are the people that love you and that you can count on for anything. Do the DW! You’ll be glad you did!

Post # 12
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@HoneyBear:we went through the same thing with my mom and his mom, but they came around and in the end, they loved travelling with us and sharing that moment with us.  We wanted a small, intimate wedding and the way to achieve this for us was to go away, where only the most important people would agree to come (if we had gotten married home and only invited 20 people, some feelings would have been hurt). Plus, my Darling Husband is a pleaser and would not have been able to cut off the guest list, so this was the best way for us. AND we got to spend very high quality time with our loved ones. I wouldn’t change a thing (except for my mom’s and his mom’s comments during the whole planning process!)

Post # 13
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We’re getting married in Mexico. My uncle/god father has never been on a plane and is dealthy afraid of flying, but he’s coming! It took a lot of convincing and a perscription for anxiety from the doctor, but we made it work 🙂

It’s your wedding so do it how you want, but please remember that your FI’s mom is one of the most important people too. How would you feel if he asked you to do something that would include his parents and not yours? I would try to accomadate.

Side note: Fiance and I plus a couple of groomsmen and guests are driving to our home town before getting on a plane. 16 hour drive and then flying to mexico from Vancouver, Canada. If she wants to come badly enough she can certainly make the drive…we’re doing it!

 

Post # 14
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think it’s selfish. We’re doing something similar and I am preparing for the onslaught. Honestly, it’s what we both want. And yes, we want our parents and siblings to come. Fiance is nervous because my family is already committed while his….well, let’s just say you can hear the crickets.

You’re right though, it is your day (you and FI) and if it’s what both of you want, then it should be what both of you do. If we took into account what all of our parents wanted, I think we’d end up with a something both of us hated.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get relcutant family members on board?

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