Post # 1
Fiance and I decided to have a destination wedding. We’re getting married at an antebellum plantation about 6 hours away. It is a gorgeous venue, and I’ve been there many times as a child when I’d attend family reunions. Even though its a destination wedding we’re still going to invite all of my aunts, uncles, cousins, and my stepmom’s family, and fiance’s extended family. So maybe a total of 40-50 guests. However I know its unlikely everyone will be able to attend, but if it ends up just our parents and us I’m fine with that.
My stepmother (who i’m not all that close to) is throwing a fit. Keep in mind she’s not paying a penny. She’s complaining about where we’re getting married. Its my grandmother’s hometown and she hates that town. When we had to travel for my grandmother’s funeral all she did was complain about the drive and how ugly the place was. Stepmom even said to me “you know i hate that place”. Then she’s complaining cause the distance is too far for her parents to travel. Then she’s complaining about how expensive the rooms in the plantation are ($190 a night). If its too expensive for Dad & Stepmom to stay at the plantation (my mom and inlaws will be staying at the plantation as well) well there’s a Holiday Inn and a Motel 6 nearby. Then Stepmom is complaining about how long the drive is cause she doesn’t like to even ride in a car that long.
I’ve always loved this plantation and always dreamed of getting married here. I’m sorry she hates this state (Louisiana) so much, but thats her problem. I’m not changing my plans for her. Oh and she’s told me how selfish I am for having a destination wedding cause weddings are supposed to be all about family, and not all family will be able to come. If she wants to host and pay for a family reunion herself she’s more than welcome. But I will have the destination wedding that I want. Those that are close to us will make the effort and travel for the wedding. Stepmom had 2 weddings (her ex and my dad) and got to do her weddings her way. Now its my turn to have my wedding the way I want.
Post # 3
You can’t control what she says , you can only control your reaction.
Just continue to be strong and let her comments roll off your back.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, but we have already decided to _________”
Just keep repeating it until you are blue in the face.
Post # 4
Another complaint she’s made about the distance is its too far for her daughter (step-sister). Her daughter doesn’t make much effort to attend any family function (even her own biological family on step-mom’s side) so an out of state wedding for me (stepsis and I also aren’t close) would be “too much effort” for her. Again, not my problem. I’m sorry her daughter won’t make the effort to come, but I’m not changing my venue to accomodate my step-mother, step-sister or step-mom’s aging parents who can’t travel.
Post # 5
Too bad so sad for Stepmother. It’s your wedding! I would love a plantation venue!!
Post # 6
I bet your wedding will be amazing! When I planned my Destination Wedding, we had lots of people saying we were selfish. We even had some poeple want us to change our venue to accomodate a 2 year old that wasn’t invited. We even had those same people invite 4 other people to our wedding!
Weddings do bring out the nasty in people. A lot of people just don’t understand that it’s your day! It’s the one ay that you and Fiance get to have where it’s all about YOU!! Good luck and shake that stuff off! Your wedding will be amazing.
Post # 7
I’m just so sick of my stepmother acting like she cares so much more about family whereas I don’t because of having a destination wedding. She’s even made comments to me about how family is more important to her than to me. Whats hilarious though is when she and my dad got married they too had a destination wedding which i reminded her of. But she had how “that was different” cause it was a 2nd marriage and it was only 3 hours away.
With weddings you can’t please everyone. I will do my best to be polite and inclusive of others, but I will have the wedding I want.
Post # 8
@Allie99: I absolutely, 100% agree with everything you say!! Hold your ground!!! It sounds absolutely lovely and meaningful to you. This is the one time in your life when you can be selfish! (I almost want to say “You go, Girl!!” but it’s not 1996)
Post # 9
It sounds like a fabulous wedding. Agree with all — I would try to stick with Yoga to cut down on stress and not liquids, but any port in a storm
Post # 10
So, I am also having a destination wedding. My wedding is 13 hours away from EVERYONE’S home. There are people that are just not going to be able to come. I have had friends AND family throw a fit that it was so far away. I finally just said, “I would love it if you could come but I understand if you can’t. This is our wedding and our decision, and would love your support and for you to be a part of OUR day.”
It seems that you just need to be upfront with her and tell her if she can be there great if not, your loss. 🙂
This will be your day and your memories to pass on make it about YOUR commitment and not someone’s travel plans.