Post # 1
Hi Bees!! This is more of a vent than anything else – your input would be much appreciated though!
My boyfriend and I are finally engaged!!! We are over the moon happy and we are excited to start planning our wedding. We have known that we wanted a destination wedding in Mexico because 1) My fiancé is from Mexico and it would mean a lot to host the wedding there 2) The town, San Miguel de Allende is absolutely BREATHTAKING. It has a rich historical and art background and is considered very safe. In fact, many Americans and Europeans live there for retirement/host their Destination Wedding in this town. 3) Both Fiance and of my family lives in California and Texas, so the flight isn’t TOO far and is very doable. Around a 3-4 hour flight.
Now, when I approached this topic with my family, their response was very negative. They told me that they will absolutely not attend the wedding if it was in Mexico. I believe their actual words were “Hell no”. I should quickly add that my family is very successful in their careers, and money is NOT the issue. They travel all around the world for summer trips, but Mexico never was a destination for them. I really didn’t expect this type of response or reaction from them, as they are always looking at their next global trip to take.
So, I asked what their reasoning was for the negative response and they said that Mexico is a dangerous place and they do not want to get kidnapped. However, they said if I had the wedding in Cancun at a nice resort, then they may come. Wow.
They continued to bash on the country (that my fiancé calls his home) saying it’s dirty, dangerous and they will never go to this town. In addition, they didn’t want to take their kids on such a *long* flight (they have been to Italy and Germany many times, and that’s a 12ish hour flight!) If you have the chance, google San Miguel de Allende and you’ll see how beautiful this town is. Luckily, they didn’t say these hurtful things infront of my Fiance, I’m pretty sure he would be heartbroken.
My mom said she would come, but not to count on the rest of my family to be there. I am upset they have such a negative outlook on Mexico and flat out said they wouldn’t attend. They didn’t even ask where in Mexico the wedding would be, I just said it wouldn’t be at a resort and they said hell no. I would 100% understand if they couldn’t attend due to financial hardships, but that is not the case. We entertained the thought of having our wedding in California, but it would be extremely expensive (we are paying 100% for the wedding) and cannot afford for 100-150 people to attend.
Post # 2
Are you aware of the hoops to jump through to get legally married in mexico? Most people do a courthouse wedding at home and then a “celebration” in mexico. Maybe your family can attend the courthouse wedding at home if you go that way?
Post # 3
Your family needs an education. San Miguel de Allende is super safe, especially compared to Cancun right now.
Post # 4
To be honest, I would just have the wedding you want and focus on your own special day. If your family has issues and wont attend, it will be their regret in the end, not yours.
Post # 5
I think this is just an inherent risk in a destination wedding. I attended one in Jamaica, once, because I was in the bridal party, and I still feel a little resentful over the $5000 it cost for my husband and I to attend. Not because we couldn’t afford it, but because it’s $5000 and a week of my time to go to a place I didn’t want to go. If it had been double the price but a wedding in Japan (my favourite place) I’d have had no complaints but I’m sure others wouldn’t be happy. Overall you can’t please everyone so you just have to try and balance what you want vs who you want to be there.
Post # 6
We will legally get married in the US, and have our Catholic ceremony in Mexico.
Post # 7
Your family sounds horrible, sorry bee.
How important is it that they be there? How serious do you think they are? I would push them a bit more on the subject.
I have an aunt that would give a similar reaction and I’d just “#sorrynotsorry you can’t be there” her ass. BUT I get you might not be willing to do that to your family.
Post # 8
I am fairly certain they were being serious about not going. I like your response though 😂
Post # 9
have the wedding you want. I wouldn’t change my plans for a bunch of ignorant assholes 🤷🏽♀️
Post # 10
You may have brought this on yourself by only giving them partial information.If they have heard the US gov warnings, all they will remember is that they are being told that there is increasing risk outside of resorts. All you told them was that the wedding would not be in a resort.
San Miguel De Allende is a beautiful place, but the sad fact is that it is not as safe to walk at night as it used to be either.
Post # 11
It doesn’t need to be too expensive, your family and friends can have whatever reason they feel is valid to skip a destination wedding.
Post # 12
Sorry, I’m Team Family. You are choosing to make it inconvenient for them, and it’s not even legally the wedding so it’s pretty rich for you to be salty that they’re saying no thanks. Since your fiance is from there, I understand that it’s meaningful to you, but it’s still a pain in the ass for your family so you need to graciously accept their declines. It’s not your place to say which reasons are acceptable or not. There are pros and cons to every decision and having loved ones decline is one of the cons of having a Destination Wedding, especially an international one, and especially when the US government has issued travel warnings against that destination. You’re allowed to have it there and they are allowed to not come. If you’re hurt that they’re declining, they are probably hurt that you’re putting them in the position to decline. If you want them there, make it easy for them. Otherwise, have your Destination Wedding and don’t be pissy that they’re not there.
Post # 13
I don’t believe “saltiness” or “pissy” are the correct words to use. I’m not MAD, I’m sad that they are not going to make it because this is a big event in our lives. I understand that I cannot make anyone do something against their will, nor would I even want to. I understand that there are warnings for travel to Mexico, and after posting this thread I actually called my siblings to explain the town more and how safe it was. They still said no, which is fine. In the eyes of the Catholic faith, the religious ceremony is viewed as the actual bond of marriage, not so much the legal part. Thanks for you input though!:)
Post # 14
You are probably already aware, but just in case you are not – you need to have the Catholic ceremony first.