(Closed) Destination Wedding Drama

posted 8 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it’s rude for her to even mention gifts at all.

Gifts are something that many people are inclined to give but no one is REQUIRED to give you something for your wedding.

I’d say get her what you can afford. Attending a destination is not a cheap thing and it would be different if you weren’t attending at all – then I’d say get her something nice.

Post # 4
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

who the heck says she “expects” expensive gifts?

I’m having a United States destination wedding, so airfare isn’t so bad…$300/person plus $160/night hotel.  Even so, I recognize that it’s going to cost about $1000 for a couple to attend my wedding and I’m not expecting them to also shell out money for expensive gifts.  I registered for all different sorts of things at all different price levels for a reason.  For people who want to give generous gifts–of course that’s welcome, but if someone comes and buys me a wine key as a gift–that’s fine too.  

I think it’s ridiculous to expect nice presents.

Post # 5
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Whoa, she shouldn’t be expecting gifts from anyone, let alone expensive ones!  You and your SO should get what you’re most comfortable with.  She should be understanding of your limitations, if she’s not- oh well!  You shouldn’t go into debt to give a gift. 

Post # 6
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That is total and utter BS.  My parents and best friend are flying in for my wedding and I don’t expect one thing from them, other than their attendance which I’m grateful for.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend doesn’t make tons of money, in fact my parents and I have paid for her flight.  So I 100% expect any money she’s saved to be for HER to use to have fun over here.  Not buy me an expensive gift!!

Post # 7
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honestly I feel that when you have guests flying in from all directions to attend your destination wedding, you really can’t expect them to also dish out for fancy gifts. They already been paying for airfare and hotel expenses etc! So to say you expect expensive gifts is just plain rude and way over the top as far as I am concerned.

I’d say give her something you and your SO are both comfortable with, and especially since she’s your SOs sister and she most likely knows about your financial situation being out of jobs and all, I would have expected her to understand that you aren’t in the position to also cough up a lot of money for a gift after just spending 4000 bucks on travelcosts to get to her Destination Wedding wedding.

 

Post # 8
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

She was being serious?? I never thought that gifts were expected when people were traveling to destination weddings.  She sounds totally selfish, it would have taken everything I had to hold my tongue too.  You are not nuts at all.

Post # 9
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

We’re having a Destination Wedding and then a hometown reception and im not even expecting gifts from everyone!

I dont understand why someone would expect someone to spend so much money to go to there wedding & then buy expensive gifts!

I am also taking my friend on a shopping trip who is coming to the Destination Wedding as a thank you. Im expecting NOTHING from her since she is paying for her own trip!

Post # 10
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

we are having a destination wedding, and we are not expectng gifts at all (I don’t even expect shower gifts, but maybe that is just me).  All of our guests are spending about $1,000 to be with us- there is no way I would expect anyone to send a gift as well!

Also, I am not sure how that would even come up in conversation- did her parents respond at all?

Post # 11
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow.  She’s got some nerve.  I think she can expect all that she wants, but it doesn’t mean you should feel pressured into giving her anything.  As long as you give her a card, you are covered from an etiquitte perspective.  On the other hand, she should not “expect” gifts of any sort from anyone for a local wedding, let alone a destination wedding.  The fact that she is having a wedding she can’t afford without potential gift money is just a really poor decision on her part.

 

Post # 13
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

You love your sis right?  Well I’d have a loving sit down talk w/her or heart to heart.

Tell her how you feel, that FI’s family SHOULD pay for part of the wedding, esp since it’s off resort and will cost alot more.  that’s foolish for her to expect her family and friends to foot the entire bill when the FI’s parents are stating when and where the wedding is to be. 

Secondly, tell her the situation with the jobs or she may already know.  Let her know that you’d love to get her an expensive gift, but that can’t happen right now as you are out of work.  Tell her it’s going to be alot to even afford airfare to attend the wedding, but will get her a gift on her registry.  How about also telling her you’d offer your time to her, helping her out over the wedding weekend with a few of her things?  Sometimes the gift of help and time is far more appreciated you know.

But seriously, these are difficult times financially and she cannot expect her family and extended family and friends to pay for her wedding and let the Fiance and his family dictate everything.  Especially if it will come at a financial hardship for the bride and her family and friends.  Simply wrong! 

Post # 14
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

You love your sis right?  Well I’d have a loving sit down talk w/her or heart to heart.

Tell her how you feel, that FI’s family SHOULD pay for part of the wedding, esp since it’s off resort and will cost alot more.  that’s foolish for her to expect her family and friends to foot the entire bill when the FI’s parents are stating when and where the wedding is to be. 

Secondly, tell her the situation with the jobs or she may already know.  Let her know that you’d love to get her an expensive gift, but that can’t happen right now as you are out of work.  Tell her it’s going to be alot to even afford airfare to attend the wedding, but will get her a gift on her registry.  How about also telling her you’d offer your time to her, helping her out over the wedding weekend with a few of her things?  Sometimes the gift of help and time is far more appreciated you know.

But seriously, these are difficult times financially and she cannot expect her family and extended family and friends to pay for her wedding and let the Fiance and his family dictate everything.  Especially if it will come at a financial hardship for the bride and her family and friends.  Simply wrong! 

Post # 15
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010 - Wyndham Sugar Bay Resort, St. Thomas

Um, ridiculous. I didn’t even think for a second that after traveling as far as everyone did that we would be getting gifts on top of that! And guess what, no one got us anything except the gift of them being there which was all I wanted. In My Humble Opinion, she’s being a bit selfish expecting presents, period. If you’re paying your own way to be there, that is enough. No need to buy a gift, too, and I would hope after the fact that she wouldn’t dare bring up the fact that you didn’t buy her something cause that would just be flat out rude.

Post # 16
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

She prob was only saying it to you and your fella because she doesn’t consider you guests as such, more family. No matter how bad she is, surely she was saying it in an ‘other people’ kind of way? Anyhow, you give what you feel like giving: she’s behaving terribly.

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