Post # 1
My sister’s dream finally came true last Friday when her boyfriend of 3 years proposed while they were on vacation in New Orleans. I’m so happy to see her happy — throughout my own wedding planning process she has been very disagreeable and anti-wedding; but since getting the ring on her finger, she’s been cheerful and excited about not only her own impending nuptuals, but mine too.
I’m super excited because this means I have another wedding to help plan!
They are doing a destination wedding (5 hours away) at a lake house in North Carolina, so it will be small and just immediate family and a few close friends.
However, since only immediate family (his parents, my parents, me and FI), and a few close friends (best man, best man’s wife, and the parents of the two ring bearers) will be there, does that mean, etiquette-wise, it’s wrong to throw her a bridal shower up here first?
I know a lot of my family will be disappointed that she’s not having a big wedding up here and chose to go small — but, since she chose a Destination Wedding, does that mean I can’t throw a bridal shower and invite family to come celebrate? What about a bachelorette party??
Post # 3
@kimberlyr22: Only people invited to the wedding should be invited to any pre-wedding events (bachelorette, shower, etc).
You could however throw a post wedding “celebration” at home for her.
Post # 4
I know it says only people invite to the wedding get invited to the pre-wedding events, but I am in the same situation and my sister is still planning on a shower with people who are not coming to the wedding.
Most of these people have said they want to come and understand we don’t have the funds or space to invite everyone. At one point my mom referred to this as a community shower. Don’t think they still call them that or even that they still have them, but if she is ok having people there that will not be invited to the wedding and those people in turn are ok with not going to the wedding and they still want to shower your sister, then I say go ahead. If people want to give a gift they will, shower or no shower.
Post # 5
@kimberlyr22: Up to my knoweledge only people invited to the wedding should be invited to any pre celebrations… maybe you could invite them after the wedding for a post celebration seeing that they are going small ?
Post # 6
I agree with PP, unless she is doing something afterwards with more family invited, I would not have a big shower. While a few people might be ok with it, I think it would rub most people the wrong way.
Post # 7
I had one person who wasn’t going to the wedding attend my bachelorette party, and she completely understood why and everything was fine and dandy … except she demanded photos after 😛
mine is almost an exception in the matter. better NOT to invite people who aren’t attending unless you know for sure they understand completely why they aren’t invited to the wedding. I had to turn down DH’s aunt and uncle, two family friends etc. It was awful but it had to be done.
Post # 8
Only those invited to the actual wedding (ceremony and reception) should be invited to the bridal shower. (That also goes for e-parties and bachelorettes).
Your sister is choosing an intimate wedding, and with that choice comes certain ‘consequences’. I don’t say this to be negative, that’s just the way things work. I know you want things to be special for your sister, perhaps you can throw a party in her honor that is not related to the wedding, and not a gift-giving event? Or just host a spa day for the two of you, plus the other women invited to the wedding. (Or whatever else you may be able to afford, the spa thing was just the first that came to mind.)
Post # 9
I’ve said this before, and it comes directly from Peggy Post’s book on “Wedding Etiquette”…
Although it is true that Showers & Stagettes “generally” should only include invitees who are also going to the Wedding, it is not a hard rule, in that there may local / regional customs that preclude this (and CoWorkers – University Friends – even Church Ladies) may wish to organize such an event.
Showers though should be intimate affairs, and should never include say the majority of those invited to the Wedding.
On the otherhand, when a couple is going away for their Wedding from their hometown (for whatever reason) be it a BIG or Small Wedding, an At-Home After-the-Wedding Reception is perfectly acceptable to celebrate (and there are no restrictions on WHO or how many can be invited). It can be set-up like a Regular Wedding Reception (full meal served), or just be a get-together with Cake & Champagne (or Nibbles & Cocktails)… OR it can be held as an Open House at home (their home, or that of one of the Parents)
Therefore, in the case of your sister, a small shower thrown by a group of CoWorkers, University Chums, or Childhood Friends (or even family members) would be ok.
BUT it might be more appropriate to “skip” the whole shower route, if it looks it is going to be much bigger than numbering 10 or so… in which case, you should just make sure She & Her Hubby have a wonderful Back Home Reception after the Big Day (whoever is organizing that I’m sure would appreciate some help)
Hope this helps,