(Closed) Destination wedding- fiancées family won't be there

posted 5 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

 

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alishankay :  His family is, well poor or too irresponsible to save up two years in advance for his wedding. 

Huh? Hawaii is expensive for anyone. While your wedding might be of the utmost importance for you, it sounds like his family had other things they could save/spend thousands of dollars on. Did they ever say that they were ok with the wedding being in Hawaii?

If you want his family there it sounds like you’re either going to have to pay to make that happen or have it in a location where they can attend. 

Post # 3
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think when you have a destination wedding, you roll the dice that anyone besides you and your fiance won’t be there. But honestly, this is your fiance’s choice, not yours. He’s the one who needs to make the call if he’s willing to get married without his family.

Also, wow, cut back on the judgement that his family is poor and irresponsible.  They’re going to be your family too shortly. 

Post # 4
Member
8009 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If your FI’s family can’t afford to save for an expensive trip they can’t afford it–two weeks or two years. 

Tell them to shove it? You don’t seem to care much for your FI’s family. It does sound as if they are important to him. Can you take some of the money you are saving by having a destination wedding and host at least his parents?

 

Post # 5
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think two years is more then enough time to save up. I’ve never been to Hawaii but from what I hear it isn’t that expensive. They should have saved up money to attend.

What does your fiancé want? Is he okay with not having them there?

Post # 6
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada

There are quite a few family members who financially would struggle to come to ours too. England to Canada is an expensive flight, theres a 5 hour drive once they get here, hotels are involved, older guests need extremely hefty medical insurance. We couldnt afford to help everyone but we picked the must-haves, his parents and siblings, and asked what it would take to get them here and offered to help with some costs. Some guests will stay in our house the night before the drive, and we split the plane fare with others. Is there some wiggle room in the budget to make a compromise with his top 3 guests? Or they just won’t pony up any cash at all?

Post # 7
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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alishankay : [content moderated for name-calling] “…basically tell them in a nice way to shove it”

I’m a bit confused. You’re on a budget, you chose a Destination Wedding in Hawaii over a local wedding because you can’t afford a local wedding? Hawaii is one of the more expensive Destination Wedding locations. Surely, you can have a local wedding for far less. You can cut your guest list. Your guest list should only be those you see on a monthly or an every few month basis. Meaning, you don’t invite an acquaintance just to invite people.

“His family is, well poor or too irresponsible to save up two years in advance for his wedding.” Wow, how judgemental of you. Do you really know all of his parents budget needs? Hawaii is an expensive trip for one person, let alone, a whole family.

You chose a Destination Wedding wedding, which means you knew most people would not be able/or would not wish to attend.

I am not sure this is a real post….

Post # 9
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t see how it is fair of you to choose an incredibly expensive destination to save you money, but for the fact that your FI’s family couldn’t save the money reflects poorly on them.  Seems very selfish of you.  I also wouldn’t want to waste all of my saved money to attend an event focused on you.

Post # 10
Member
9437 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

What if they said you were too poor or irresponsible to be able to afford a local, tradional wedding.

You really think asking someone to spend $1200 on your wedding isn’t asking a lot? Because it is. It cost most people maybe a $200 gift to attend a wedding. You’ve passed a huge expense on to your guests. You could have chosen a much less expensive location for your wedding. And if you’ve known them for so long I don’t know why you thought they would be able to afford to attend a destination wedding.

Post # 12
Member
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

If your Fiance tells you he is okay with it, then you have to trust that he is okay with it. 

I also don’t see how a Destination Wedding in Hawaii is going to be cheaper than a small get together in your home state. You said it can be done for 1200, that’s basically what it cost me and my Fiance to fly into HI, let alone rent a car, eat, stay in a hotel, and do excursions. 

Post # 13
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would not want to have a wedding without my family in attendance. I presume you guys knew that his family was too poor to attend a destination wedding before you planned it. Just because you give someone 2 years does not mean that they are going to be able to drastically alter their money handling habits because you want a destination wedding. I would either find a way to help them with the cost to attend your destination wedding, or move your wedding to your home state. I’d consider cancelling the at home reception and using that money to help offset the cost of his family attending. If you do decide to move it home, you do not need to invite the entire family. Invite the same people you would’ve invited if you were having the destination wedding. That’s just me, though. I know that certain people in my family wouldn’t be able to afford to attend a destination wedding so it was automatically off the table. You have to decide what is more important – his family attending or having your dream location. 

Post # 14
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

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alishankay :  I can’t imagine having my wedding in a place that my family couldn’t afford to go. Having my family present at my wedding is far more important than where we get married. Having a Destination Wedding, you run this risk. Either find a way with being OK they are absent, or pay for them to go. 

Post # 15
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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alishankay :  Knowing a family for 16 years doesn’t absolve you of the fact that you’re still judging the hell out of them for not prioritizing a vacation. If they’re as financially unstable as you’re suggesting, saving $100 a month is no easy task. 

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littleanchor :  +1

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