(Closed) Destination Wedding Freakout!

posted 9 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

Well, honestly, this is your wedding and you cannot assume that other people will be as excited about it as you are.

It wasn’t wise of you to book things without having the money from your family and friends. Also it’s a little selfish to expect a cheap wedding by pinning the expenses of a packaged deal on your family. Bottom line is you can’t expect anyone to foot the bill in your wedding, especially a destination wedding, which can be seen as a huge hassle to some people.

Honestly I think you need to find a way to either make things a bit cheaper for your guests (even if that means you and your Fiance have to pay a bit more) or settle for a small, at home wedding and cut your losses.

Sorry that you are going through such an ordeal ๐Ÿ™

Post # 5
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Weddings are hard to plan and especially destination weddings…  You can never really count on anyone to come…. really… 

I am invited to a destination wedding at the end of the year and Im not sure if I can foot the bill to attend.  It all adds up –  the flights, hotel, food, gifts, attire, things at home if you need a baby sitter or in my case I would need to board my pets.  It get pricey fast.   

 I think you should talk the Villa managers and see if there are any alternative options for a cheaper place.  Maybe a smaller Villa at the same place or just see what they can do for you.

Maybe a smaller place since less people are coming would cut the bill down.  

 

Post # 6
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

I understand that it is cheap for a getaway, but in this economy a lot of people aren’t going on vacations. Honestly, people don’t think of it as a trip. Bottom line is: it’s a wedding.

I was not trying to be rude, but often time destination packages do put a lot of financial responsibilty on the guests. I’ve seen package deals where the whole wedding and accomodations for the couple is free if they bring enough guests, and I think that’s tacky and wrong. If you are not in that category, I apologize for assuming, but you did say " it came up to less than $1200.00 per couple. (except us of course)." I assumed that that meant it was cheaper for you, but I understand you mean it is more expensive for you.

Again I’m sorry you have to be in such a predicament.

Post # 7
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Well… this is a tough situation. How important is it for you to have your wedding in Jamaica? You said you were thinking about doing it in your hometown but couldn’t pull off what you wanted… and now you’ve put deposits down for this destination wedding. Yikes, like others have said, maybe you need to see if you can work out a cheaper price. You could also just look at this is more of an elopement then a destination wedding!! That could be fun, and then you can have a party with the rest of the folks who couldn’t make it when you get back. Take some deep breaths, it’s all going to work out the way that it is supposed to. I’ve found when this wedding planning stuff gets crazy, it’s easiest to take the path of least resistance. I hope that it all works out for you, hang in there!

Post # 8
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

*sigh* when it comes to money, travel plans, bookings and friends – i would rather herd kittens

you poor thing – you took alot on when people orginally said they will come but unfortunately you learnt the hard way and thats to get deposits of people before making bookings.  personally im a believer in telling people where and when and let them make their own plans because ive seen this sort of thing (dropouts) happen way too much and the organizer goes nuts in the meantime

yes, if someone says they are going to do something (like accept a invite like yours) they should follow thru but sadly these days good manners are becoming less and less

i have no advise but just wanted to say i understand where youre coming from and i hope you can sort out a better alternative

goodluck

Post # 9
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

Renting villas are tough, for exactly the reasons you mentioned!  Sorry to hear you’re going through this – it is frustrating. 

Is the villa booked?  Is it too late to cancel the villa & hold the wedding at a small, intimate resort?  I know there are a few gorgeous, small hotels in Negril – I can’t think of them right now, but I’ll get back to you.  One of the Bees was married at Rockhouse & it was stunning! 

Post # 10
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Nick, I just wanted to say I understand completely where you are coming from. I’m also having a destination wedding in Colorado. I offered to arrange housing and transportation to the airport for all of our guests, but instead of people taking us up on the offer, they add up the cost of everything (flight, rental car and hotel) and throw some number at me about how much my wedding is costing them to make me feel guilty, then they eventually drop out all together anyway because they can’t afford it. It’s like you knew the thing was in Colorado when I invited you, and you knew what it would cost. No one lost their jobs, but still I lost two bridesmaids and countless guests. I’m so grateful my parents were even able to make it at this point (the grooms family is from CO). 

I’m so fed up with people not following through on what they say they are going to do, especially like what you described. I can’t however, really blame the grooms parents who lost their jobs. There are some excuses that you just have to accept.

That being said, I think you have to weigh what is more important to you at this point, having your family there, or having a stunning wedding. Even if you lose your deposits for Jamaica, you can have your local wedding on almost any budget. Like you said, it won’t be the wedding of your dreams, but everyone you know and love will be there. So I guess it’s take your pick.

I just want to add that I’m so sorry this happened to you. And no worries, I’m right there with you! HIVE HUGS!!!

Post # 11
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I am also planning on having my wedding in another country, and it will be a "destination wedding" for all of my friends who live here in the US.  While I am really hoping that everyone will be able to come, I definitely am not expecting it; in fact, I feel guilty that it may be so expensive for people to attend.  For this reason, I am not having bridesmaids so no one feels obligated to come, and I am having a more informal cocktail party when we get back so that everyone who couldn’t make it can celebrate with us later.  

It’s no secret that although destination weddings are less expensive for the bride and groom, they are much more expensive for the guests to attend. I think all of us destination brides should keep this in mind and not take it personally when guests can’t come.  However, it sucks that all of your loved ones told you they were coming and then backed out!  It’s probably difficult for guests to turn down the invite when they first get it, since the date may seem far away and they are excited about the wedding so don’t really consider the costs, but as it gets closer reality sets in … I guess what I am saying is that we shouldn’t make expectations about how much people can afford to pay to come to our weddings – other people’s finances are their business – but once people say they are coming they need to hold to it!

Post # 12
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I just wanted to add that me and my Fiance also just recently decided to do destination…mainly b/c we are paying for EVERYthing ourselves. We originally had a church booked and a Wedding date set, but we couldnt find a caterer cheaper than $3000 for our reception, let alone having to pay for a Rehearsal dinner, decorations, and $1000 alone for a 20 minute ceremony in the church. My fiance came home one day and said ‘let’s just go get married somewhere.’ At first I said no, but then researched and asked previous destination brides/friends to see if it could work financially. Indeed it has/is! Now that we are breaking up the traditional aspect of our Wedding day, we now feel comfortable not providing a dinner at our Home Reception…we will still have all the normal reception stuff, even snacks and Wedding cake, but no dinner. That alone saved us $3000 + 20% of what would be added to that bill just for using the reception halls kitchen!

Before booking anything, we told our parents and they seemed happy for us. However, as i mentioned before…neither of our parents have money–or i should say are in great debt, so they werent able to help us with anything to begin with. We knew they’d have trouble paying for this trip but we knew with enough time to plan, they’d be able to come. Since we broke the news, my Fiance’s family has been nothing but drama. THEY want us to be married here so they can see their cousin/nephew get married. However, we refuse to put ourselves in debt for ONE day since we are paying for this ourselves. Why cant they just accept/understand that unconditionally? I know it’s a special day but we are ok with just saying our vows to eachother in front of our parents and that’s it. Supposedly everyone is on board with supporting us now, even knowing most of them cant make it, but it’s been one thing after the other since then. Now my fiance’s grandmother isnt coming, even when one of her son’s was going to pay for her to go–and i mean pay for EVERYthing. Her excuses are crappy for not going and i know my fiance is hurt, but we now have already booked this and are dead set doing it this way. I just feel like now our "day" is not going to be as happy or special b/c my fiance will be missing his grandma, or any others who we know cant come (and are making us feel guilty for it). Is anyone else dealing with this, or do we just have dramatic families??

Since when did planning OUR Wedding, become planning EVERYone else’s ideal Wedding for us?? I think I’ve cried every other day dealing with the family drama and Destination. It’s neverending!! I really just want to tell anyone else who complains about this to ‘F’ off!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

*sigh~*  My heart goes out to you!  I’m in the process of planning a dW and this is my nightmare!

I think you asked the most important question in the end: How do you go back to "wanting" to have your wedding?  Well, I hope you don’t need to look further than the man who will be standing next to you at the wedding.

It’s about you and him coming together in union.  Hope that helps you to breathe deep and if I were you, In My Humble Opinion, I’ll start doing the math.

Not only how much $ will be lost but saved from further loss if you were to go ahead and made your Destination Wedding smaller – heck, you only need the two of ya and your parents as witnesses!

How important is it to have all the rest of ppl?  Can you just throw a small, casual reception (park picnic?) when you get back?

It really is terrible that people said they will come and backed out.  For this very reason, I’m keeping the initial budget/count much less and will be having our guests put up the deposit and etc. themselve (hopefully they will deal with the resort directly).  I was shying away from renting Villas only because I thought it’d be more complicated to negotiate than a AI resort that has a wedding package…and I think you helped me to seal the decision…no Villas…

*hugs and lots more hugs* Hope venting on this site helped a bit and sending you many good thoughts.  Hope it’ll all work out great in the end.  Just remember – you have the man of your dreams!  

Post # 14
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2009

We had our destination wedding just as the economy tanked.  Alot of our guests backed out.  We understood.  Many of our friends have lost jobs and the ones that are still working are having a difficult.  It’s a bad time for everyone.  While we were sad that the plans changes we of course understood.  We worked out a deal with the hotel that helped a bit. Perhaps you can do the same. We thought of it as a honeymoon with family& friends and then had a party when we got back.  It was fun wearing my dress a second time.

I really do feel for you.  We went through the same thing. There is nothing you can do about it so just go with the situation and enjoy yourself.  I agree with the above, what is most important is the two of you – you don’t need anyone else.   

Post # 16
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Ugh, I’m sorry. Looks like you might just have to eat the deposits. ๐Ÿ™

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