- 11 years ago
- Wedding: September 2009
I am new to the website, so hello to everyone : ) I would like to express some problems that I have experienced with planning a destination wedding. I live in Tennessee and have been dating my beau for 4 years. I am 32 and he is 28. We both have pretty large families (I am 1 of 7, and everyone has at least 2 kids) and although he only has 1 sister, his mother is 1 of 13. Family galore!
Well, in my mind a local wedding would get a little out of control. My FH and his family know everyone in our area and have lived here they whole life. Plus, besides family I would feel pressured to invite friends and business associates and have something "very nice."
Well, we don’t have a lot to spend and wiill probably pay for everything ourselves. I think his parents will be more than likely to help out, but I can’t really count on my family to step up to the plate. Because I am an attorney they use that as an excuse and no matter what I tell them, they think I have endless amounts of cash. This is so untrue! I have student loans that are almost as much as a house payment – in addition to my house payment! Besides, my family is not the best about being supportive in any way, emotionally or financially, so I have been kind of on my own for a long time.
I say all this to say that we decided to get married out-of-state in California, Santa Barbara specifically. We plan to invite friends and family. This is where the saga begins. Most of my friends and family have a "small town" mentality and the first thing they say is "well, I can’t go and we will wait until you come home and have a party." Now, these are folks I have known my whole life. I went to many of their weddings and with some of them, I supported them even if their families did not agree with their marriages. I have bought endless wedding gifts for their events, purchased $200+ bridesmaid dresses, and none of them have children! One friend in particular just bought a new car and put down hardwood floors (over $5,000) all within the last year. She also has the option of using her timeshare to have a place to stay in Cali and still complains and says she won’t attend.
We are not marrying until September 2009, so I thought it was best to give everyone plenty of notice. Still, most automatically say that they can’t come without even trying. One of them has let it slip that they think it is snooty to have a wedding in California. What I have tried to explain is that we can have a nice, yet inexpensive event with just the people who are really close to use. Besides, we love the location! Also, because I am an attorney and my FH is in business here, when we walk in the door locally people see dollar signs. Yet, we are pretty simple and don’t live extravagantly (I have a small house, 2001 car, etc.).
I even tried to look around at local spots so that friends could drive to the ceremony, rather than fly. But then I realized that even if it is "local," they still might come up with excuses as to why they can’t come. Then, I am stuck with a location that means nothing to me – all while trying to please other people. My sister, who is a total cheapskate is planning to come and she NEVER travels anywhere. I don’t know if she has even been on a plane! But, she thinks it important enough to save to be there.
I have done my research and tried to find cheap flights ($350 or less), hotels ($95 – $200), made sure the hotels offer continental breakfast, and made plans to feed everyone each night they are there (Thur or Fri – Saturday, the wedding day). What more can I do? I don’t think it is selfish to want something dignified and small even if it is further away. Am I wrong because I am struggling with this.
At this point, I don’t even want to have a reception when I get home because I feel like if certain people don’t even want to try and come, why should I have something just for them when I get back – we can take that and have a great honeymoon. Oh and by the way, my FH has never wanted a large affair and doesn’t want a reception at all because he thinks it is a lot of pomp and circumstance. He also doesn’t want me stressed with all the planning. Any comments?