- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2017
I want to give a little background, before I get into the wedding discussion, as I feel like it is important to know.
I don’t have anything to do with my biological mother, as she emotionally, verbally, and physically abused me and controlled me as a child and teen. When I got into college, around the age of 20, I finally put my foot down and got away. She stole my money for college, told me I wasn’t small enough to wear dresses with leggings, controlled my money, didn’t let me hang out with friends, kept me from my father, lied about almost everything, etc. I could go on forever. But, I moved in with my dad and stepmom, whom I would stay with when college wasn’t in session for two years until I got my degree.
They convinced me to quit my summer job my senior year of college and told me that they would support me, so I could get some much needed rest, as I worked year round while in school and was dealing with a lot of emotions from cutting my mother out of my life. I quit like they said and they would constantly use it against me while I was at home that summer, acting like if I didn’t clean the house (that they destroyed daily) that I wasn’t pulling my weight and made me feel like I was a burden. I got a job as I returned to school and graduated the following May.
I only had one request for graduation: that they show up a few hours early to help me make some pictures around campus. The jobs that would work with my schedule (I’m a teacher that had internship my last semester = 7:30 – 3:30 every Monday – Friday in the school I was placed) didn’t pay a whole lot, though I worked 5 days a week. So, I didn’t have any money to get a professional photographer, though I really wanted to have beautiful pictures, as my mother refused to let me get professional senior pictures done in high school.
My dad and stepmom showed up 30 minutes before graduation. I had been waiting on them since about lunch that day, all dolled up, dressed up, and ready to make some photographs of such a milestone in my life. They didn’t apologize and tried to take “a picture” of my cap in the stands. It was all I could do to honestly keep the tears from flowing during my college graduation. I had lost my mother recently, as I finally stopped communicating with her at all and didn’t invite her to graduation, and so I just wanted some support. I didn’t feel like it was too much to ask. I had made reservations for my family at Longhorn Steakhouse a few weeks before graduation and informed my parents of the plan to go there afterward, as no one had mentioned plans to celebrate afterward. My family decided in the stands that night that it was better that we go to Logan’s 30 minutes in a different county because it was more convenient for all of them. I cried the entire way to dinner and flew on the interstate so I could get to the restaurant and fix my makeup before people arrived. I later found out that some friends of mine specifically went in Longhorn to see me (they were at a nearby restaurant) and couldn’t find me that evening. I felt horrible.
My dad and stepmom have always complained about having to help me move or if I asked for help with rent and always want me to come to them. Not once did they ever try to visit me in college. It was always a one-way street. Even when I moved to my own place once I got my first career job, they never came to visit, though I invited them. It has always been “you should come see us.” After a while, I got tired of it and quit talking to them as much and quit breaking my back to see them. It seemed to make them realize that it can’t be a two-way street if they want to see me. Thus, they even volunteered to help my fiancee and I move a little to our house a few months ago and didn’t complain one bit.
So, I don’t know what I was hoping for when my Fiance and I decided to have a destination wedding. My parents (dad and stepmom) have never offered to help with paying for or planning my wedding. My FI was pretty shocked, but then he wasn’t because he has been able to witness how backwards they can be sometimes. We decided on a destination wedding to Las Vegas because after pricing the beach and local venues, we could do a honeymoon and wedding out there for what a venue payment even costs in Alabama. We just bought and furnished a house, so we weren’t looking to spend a fortune and knew my parents couldn’t/wouldn’t help.
I called and told my parents about our plans and my stepmom proceeded to ask why I didn’t have the wedding in the Smoky Mountains (where she and my dad eloped), the beach, etc. It was like she was trying to persuade me to change my mind. She gave the excuse that it was closer and she doesn’t like flying. She also said she doesn’t have any days left at work after having a breast reduction and emergency appendix removal. They also said they are having money issues. It just felt like it was a phone call of excuses and instead of trying to congratulate me, it was all about why I didn’t choose another location. She asked me to forward them some websites, itineraries, etc. for Vegas and she would see what she could do and I did. I didn’t hear anything from them back.
We told his parents and they were elated and booked the same flight with us for our departure, as they’ve been to Vegas and can help us out when we get there. They’ve been very supportive and know my situation with my parents. I broke down in tears last night, as they told my Fiance and I that they were going to give us $2,000 to completely cover the hotel, flights, and wedding. They said they have given that to my FI’s brother, paid for his sister’s $6,000 wedding, so they felt it was only right to do the same for my Fiance and I. I gave them both a big hug and told them how much I appreciated it.
So, today, I decided to text my parents about having any luck booking flights/hotel in Vegas and ask if they thought anyone in the family would give me bridal/wedding shower, as we are going to mail out invitations, inviting everyone to join us if they would like in Vegas. I wasn’t trying to make it seem like I wanted them to do it, but simply was curious if anyone in my family was willing to put forth the effort to plan something for me, as I have helped plan several baby showers and wedding showers for family. I got a phone call (I couldn’t take it because we were at a restaurant) and a long text about how if that’s what I wanted to do, they couldn’t afford it, my stepmom didn’t have any days left, and how they would have a wedding shower/reception ready when we got back from Vegas. They said they couldn’t go.
I’m not sure what I was expecting. I guess, I was hoping that my father would find a way to make his only child’s wedding. He has 5 other children in heaven that he lost with my stepmom. He’s the only parent I have any sort of relation with and he’s not going to be at my wedding. I guess part of me wishes that he would sell one of the cows on his farm or put forth some sort of effort to try to make it. I feel like some girl in a relationship with a guy who won’t make a big gesture of love, except it’s my parents who won’t make the big gesture with me. I just want to be supported. The sad thing is, my FI’s parents have been more supporting that my own ever have. And as I write this, tears stream down my face and I don’t know how to respond to the text that remains unanswered on my phone without telling them how disappointed I am.