Post # 1
Even way long before my Fiance and I got engaged, we have always envisioned ourselves getting married in Aruba. We’ve always expressed that fact to our parents and family, and they have always approved and were quite excited. But now that it’s time for us to plan the wedding of our dreams, the only ones backing us up are my mother and my FI’s mother. Our siblings are now saying they don’t think it’s a good idea and now say that they probably wont make it. I’ve always been extremely close to my sisters, and even though I may get the wedding of my dreams in Aruba, I wont be completely happy when I turn to the crowd after the ceremony and not see them there. Now I’m torn on doing a wedding that me and my Fiance always talked about, or doing a wedding that is convenient for others, but costly for us! A wedding in NJ is $25,000, a wedding in Aruba is $9,000 honeymoon included. I’m almost ripping my hair out! It’s getting me so aggravated I just might elope. Any advice?
Post # 3
just my opinion but stick with Aruba, you have wanted it for so long why settle for NJ. Maybe push it further out so that people will have more time to plan and save, but definately do Aruba.
If it makes more sence to your family make the Aruba wedding small and come back and have a big reception in NJ, This is YOUR wedding… don’t forget that
Post # 4
@Missteryusjay: Depends, what would you be more bummed about 5 years down the line? Not getting married in Aruba, or not having certain people at your wedding? Only you can decide what’s more important to you.
Another option: if it’s only a few people that you really *NEED* at the wedding to make you happy, maybe you could buy their flights/hotels…? If you’d be saving $16,000 to have the wedding in Aruba, it might be the more reasonable option, financially, to do that rather than move your entire wedding.
Post # 5
I think that you should keep to what is best for you and your FH. It is your wedding and everyone else can have what they want for a wedding when it’s their turn, or they have already had it. You two are the ones getting married, so do what you really want to do. If the rest come on board great, if they don’t, well then so be it, they are missing out.
Welcome to the Hive!
Post # 6
Like you said, a Destination Wedding will cost you less…but it’ll cost other people way more to attend. If you want a crowd, you should probably do a wedding at home.
Or you can have the best of both worlds and do an at-home reception after you get back, if that works for you. It can be just punch and cake if you want, which shouldn’t be too too costly?
Post # 7
Which do you want more? Your family and friends or your wedding in Aruba?
You don’t have to have a catered dinner wedding to have a wedding at home. There are all sorts of cfreative alternatives including, brunch, barbeque, picnics ertc
Post # 8
I stay stick with Aruba. It’s what you’ve always wanted and I think you’ll regret it if you don’t do it. I think if you do end up doing Aruba your sisters will come around and be at your wedding. You have to to be the one who doesn’t regret your decision.
Post # 9
Have you thought about using some of the $16k price difference to pay for some or all of your siblings’ travel costs? If you can afford it, this would allow you to have the best of both worlds. Otherwise, you have to choose between family and a dream wedding. No one can make that decision for you, but I think you should take the time to consider which would matter more in the long run.
Post # 10
If aruba is what you always wanted, I think you should do it. Otherwise, you may be disappointed when you look back. I agree with the PP who said to consider paying for your sisters’ flights or paying for their hotels. Maybe if you make it easier for them, you can have the best of both worlds. Good luck!
Post # 11
Thanks for the suggestions. As for paying for my sisters vacation packages, that was something that we have considered and discussed, but they both went on about their jobs and taking time off, and it’s still going to be difficult and inconvenient for them to fly out there because they have their own lives with their boyfriends and so forth. It’s so hard! But it is my wedding, my own special day, maybe I am way too considerate about other people’s convenience rather than my own happiness. Thanks all for the great advice!
Post # 12
I was in the same position as you not too long ago. We decided on our Destination Wedding and the people who originally said they would not come or that they didn’t like the idea are coming. And they are actually excited about it. Now we have some who were originally excited about it who have know started to complain. lol. Do what makes you happy. Even if you do a wedding at home, there will still be some who don’t like the way you are doing it, the venue, the food, the date, or whatever, so either way it will be an inconvenience to some. We do have some close family that won’t be able to come to our wedding wich is disappointing (my dad for one), but we are understanding as to why and they are understanding that we want to do what is the best for us.
Also, helping out with some of your guests trip is a good idea if you can afford it. We are paying half of two of our guests trip to make it a little more affordable for them.
Post # 13
Like everyone else said, what is more important family or location? I think it’s a legitimate that people have jobs and responsibilities so I do think it’s reasonable of your sisters to be sad that they can’t go to your wedding. After all if you were paying it’d be a free vacation for them so I think them turning this down speaks to the difficulty of their situations.
One way you can have both is to have a wedding at home and then down the line do a renewal ceremony in Aruba where having everyone in attendance is not as important.
I think a key part of it though is whether there is absolutely no way that your sisters can go to Aruba or that it is just an inconvenience. If it’s just an inconvenience it’s not fair for you to give up so much.
I also don’t understand why destination weddings are so much cheaper? Is it just because there are less guests? If that’s the case then why not just not invite as many people. Or is it because of the low cost of living in other places?
Post # 14
Were your sisters reacting this way with the knowledge that you would be willing to pay for the flight and their hotel stay? If they were not aware of your willingness to do this, I can understand their reaction about having to take however many days off of work and such, because if they had to miss work and fork out money for a vacation, it would be incredibly expensive for them, and I could understand this reaction. If they did react this way while they had the knowledge that you were going to pay for their part, I think this reaction is probably overdone, and in fact they would most likely attend your wedding.
Post # 15
I’m sorry, I might be a little biased on this subject but do the destination wedding! I just feel like now days weddings have got WAY out of hand…it’s not about celebrating the love of the bride and groom it’s about pleasing the guests. I did a destination wedding in Mexico and it was only me and my husband and it was the most perfect day of my life! It was so special and intimate between him and I and it’s something we will never forget. I can so easily invision if we would have thrown a big wedding how we could have lost sight of what the wedding’s purpose is. You will have people tell you all the time after their big stressful wedding “I wish we would have just done that.” I mean if it’s super important for your family to share in the big day with you then that’s a different story but I think anyone should be happy for you if that’s what you want.
Post # 16
@Mrslongdistance: I appreciate all that you’re saying and you do have valid points, but my problem isn’t so much between my location and family, my problem is where my happiness of this special day lies. I know indeed, for a fact, that my sisters make a very well salary enough to make it out for my special day, and I, which I’m still a full time student juggling with a lower paying job than them, still offer to pay for their trip. I don’t get it. But that’s not really why I’m upset. I’m more upset because in the beginning, before my engagement, they were all for Aruba, and now they suddenly don’t want to go because their boyfriends don’t want to go or because they have no more vacation days from work. The cash was never their issue. Now they’re just like “Well if I can’t go then I can’t go, oh well” and I take those phrases as an “I don’t care.” So, should I care then?
As for Destination Wedding being cheaper, I’m really not sure either. The package I got was for upto 30 people inclusive of food, music, photo and video, decorations, flowers and centerpieces, hair and makeup, all totalling $5500. But I guess with 60 or 90 people it would be just a little more. And I think that it’s cheaper because most Destination Wedding packages are all-inclusive. A wedding in the states costs way more because everything has to be booked separately like photog is $3000 and video is another $3000 and flowers are another $3000 and reception venue alone is about $10,000. Thats why I assume a Destination Wedding is less expensive.
Thanks for your advice btw.