Post # 1
I’m not engaged yet but it’s coming and I can’t conatin my excitement so I’m already beginning to plan everything. Long story short my SO has a huge family and my family which use to be huge is now much smaller due to many deaths over the last few years. We have talked about it a lot and we both just want a small wedding. We’d rather use the money and save up to build our next house. Not to mention an epic honey moon. We can’t elope because our close family members would be very upset. We’ve talked about a destination wedding but that’s so much work and really a toss up as to what will go wrong. Which wedding would be best? Destination wedding so we have the excuse to only invite 30 people or have a small wedding and hurt some feelings?
Post # 2
I found in planning a 30 person destination wedding that the cost added up quickly due to travel. In the end we decided it is best to elope in a private ceremony, just the two of us (next month). Our families and friends who know are not thrilled with this idea but they have accepted it. Whether you throw a massive wedding, an intimate wedding or elope someone will be hurt, offended or just in disagreement with your wishes. Do what is best for you, your husband to be and your financial future. This has been a lesson learned as I first started the planning process wanting to please everyone. This caused unnecessary stress and would cause unnecessary debt and resentment. Your day should only bring you happiness.
Post # 3
Maybe I’m in a bad mood. House and an epic honeymoon=spend money on yourself, which is totally fine. So be nice to others, don’t force your guests to spend money on you on a destination wedding to give you an excuse to invite less people. I mean, if you don’t want to spend money on your own wedding, why should others?
Post # 4
Would this immediate family otherwise have to pay hundreds to possibly thousands of dollars to attend your wedding if you had your wedding local? If not, then your question is really “Do I feel ok asking my closest loved ones to use their vacation time at work and spend thousands of dollars on me just so I don’t have to have uncomfortable conversations where I just own my decision to have a small wedding and politely explain to my family if they ask?”
Destination weddings can be great…especially if everyone is spread all over and every single person would have to travel anyway – so long as everyone is cool with the cost and taking leave and you are perfectly fine that some (many) may decline to attend due to this. But if your only reason is because you’re too scared to just own your decision for a small wedding, then I would advise just learning how to be firm and polite and set boundaries.
Being grown up enough to bind yourself legally to another human being means being grown up enough to deal with the consequences of your decisions without shifting the responsibility to other people for you.
Post # 5
Have the smaller wedding and invite who you want to be there regardless of how big your families are. You are not going to be able to please everyone. Even with the destination wedding you will not be able to please everyone. There will be some hurt feelings either way.
Post # 6
I would just save yourself the headache and elope. You can invite both sets of parents and siblings if you wish but are under no obligation to host a big/expensive wedding that neither of you want.
Post # 7
By destination wedding I mean a four hour trip to the beach. I’m sorry I should have made that clear. It is within driving distance but it’s far enough away to say it’s a destination wedding.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
So, there’s another option you don’t seem to be considering.
Just invite “immediate family” and call it a day.
No one is entitled to an invitation to your wedding. As PPs have said, it’s impossible to plan a wedding that pleases everyone, so don’t try. Do what feels best and makes the most sense emotionally and financially. Don’t feel obligated to live up to other people’s expectations. That way lies madness.
Post # 9
We had the same dilemma, but felt very uncomfortable implicitely asking our guests to spend thousands of dollars just so we could have a small wedding. In My Humble Opinion, destination weddings meant to keep the guest list small are just a way to avoid making a decision. If a couple always dreamt about getting married on the beach or in Paris, by all means they should follow their hearts. But opting for a destination wedding expecting that most people won’t be able to afford it, to me is not very considerate.
We are having a small wedding where we live (both sets of parents, our siblings and their SOs/kids only). Even though it was tough, even though we knew some people could be disappointed, in the end we’re having the wedding we want, within the budget we want.