(Closed) Destination wedding regrets?

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 46
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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MrsTywinLannister:  6 figure wedding for 42 guests?  Oh. My. Gawd…. I hope you will post pictures!

Post # 47
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think that unless you are eloping or having a very intimate wedding with just your very immediate family then it is undoubtedly pretty selfish, and people who say it’s not are just kidding themselves to justify what they want. Even when people are saying, ‘How are we being selfish? It’s our wedding, it’s about us so we should do what we want’, how can that statement not be seen as selfish? But wedding’s ARE selfish (for the most part). We are creating a day all about us. We become total narcissists for at least a day (though maybe it’s the one day that we should or are allowed be, within reason). We tend to think that other people should fit into the vision we have for our wedding, rather than fitting the wedding around the people we want there. Everyone should have the wedding they want but why kid on that it’s not going to affect others? Unless you are lucky enough to be in the position (as one previous poster was) to pay travel and accomodation for your guests then an international destination wedding isn’t going to be easy for everyone. That might not bother you and yes people can always say no, but there may be people who would love to be at your wedding but will struggle to attend if it’s a Destination Wedding, whether it’s down to money, work, health, etc. Saying that ‘they can always say no’ kind of suggests that you’re not fussed about them being there in the first place.

I am in a weird position with my wedding that stresses me out in that it is a destination wedding for about half of our guests. I grew up in another country where many of my friends and family still live so either I could get married over there and my friends and family from here would need to travel there or I could get married here and my friends and family from there would need to come here. There are people on both sides who I would love to have there and who would love to be there but who would need to save up for the travel, we can’t afford to pay for it for them. We have decided to get married over there for a variety of reasons but I feel absolutely  terrible about the people here who I know want to come but might not because they would need to travel. I already know that after the wedding there will be people who I would have loved to have had there but who couldn’t make it, and that may be a bit of a ‘regret’ but it’s one that I would have had either way and it makes me quite sad to think about even before the wedding.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by  catki.
Post # 49
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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pixiecat:  Love your comment! Glad that everyone had a blast. If you don’t mind me asking, how many guests did you invite compared to how many attended?

Post # 50
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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SellyJo:  Where in Italy?  I’m dragging along about 15 close family and friends this November!  I’m excited to hear about your experience. 

I insisted on Destination Wedding because I didn’t want a huge public affair.  We’d be obligated to invite 150+ back home, and for Italy we’re less than 20.  It’s less expensive.  My sister also lives in Europe and she wouldn’t be able to attend otherwise.  My other sister is traveling and will be in Europe at that time too.  So yes, my selfish Destination Wedding is happening and it will be lovely.  I wish more people could go, but I’m not forcing anyone.  In fact, the rooms I bought are mostly unfilled because my aunts don’t want to stay the full week reservation.  They want to buy their own rooms and go explore other areas after the wedding!  If you don’t want to come, don’t come!  I’m helping pay for plenty, and it’s still 10k cheaper than at home.  We’ve had plenty of complainers and people calling us selfish, but unless you want to pay for my local wedding it doesn’t matter what you think!  I’m super excited and +1 to this thread in general

Post # 51
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Beach

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BookTea:  What if having any wedding at all would mean it would be a “destination” for nearly everyone on your guest list? My friends and family are spread throughout the country, so even if I have it in my hometown, my college town, or the place I’m moving to 90% of my guests would be out of town. We’re getting married in the Outer Banks, NC, where his parents live. It’s in the same country as all of our guests, but depending on the demographic of your guests having an out of country wedding could be really fun too! It’s really rude to not at least let the couple know that you won’t be attending their wedding. Even if you don’t agree with their practices, they or their family cared enough about you to invite you and you should at least have the decency to let them know that they don’t need to book a room or provide food for you. 

Post # 52
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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Katiekatiekatie:  We still invited everyone we would have wanted to be there, even knowing that most would not come.  So we invited probably around 100 and were expecting 45-60 people to actually come.  In the end we had 47.

Post # 53
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee

posting just to get notifications of more stories 🙂

Post # 54
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

I don’t regret anything about our DW!  Our families were spread out so everyone would have had to travel anyway and it kept our guest list to those who were really important to us. 

We chose the location because it was meaningful to DH and reminded him of his late father and also happened to be the only place we agreed on when we each came up with our top locations. We had an amazing wedding planner that kept stress and costs to a minimum. Since we didn’t get married at a resort our ceremony was intimate and private and customized to the way we wanted it. 

Post # 55
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

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Artie52:  In case SellyJo doesn’t get back to you, we had a Destination Wedding outside Rome with 20 people (including us) last srping. It was awesome! Everyone who attended had a great time. Of course, there were some disgruntled family members, but these are people I didn’t particularly want to attend anyway. 😉

Post # 56
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I think everyone’s different definition of “destination wedding” is….interesting, and a lot of the snarky comments don’t seem to understand that many of us don’t actually consider your wedding to be a “destination wedding.”

In my mind, if your wedding is only 2 hours away, it’s not a destination wedding.  It’s not even a semi-destination wedding. Not even close.  It’s a reasonably easy drive to get to a pretty place, which is great!  Hell, I’ve lived in cities where it could take more than 2 hours to get from one side of the city to the other.   Seriously, if you think a 2, or even 5, hour drive constitutes a “destination” then you really haven’t traveled much, and you obviously have a pretty small world view.

And if your wedding is someplace that you’ve lived, or that someone in your family lives, or your in-laws, it’s not a destination wedding.  Lots of us have family in many different cities, and thus that is part of the reason we choose to get married in that city.  That doesn’t make it a destination wedding; it only means that you chose one of many possible locations that is conveninent / sentimental for at least someone you love.

Just because your family is scattered doesn’t mean your wedding is automatically a destination wedding.  MANY of us have family that live in cities all around the country (myself included – my daughter and granddaughter are literally the only family members I have that live in NC).  Really, your family is not unique in that regard, and just because they have to travel to see you does not make it a destination wedding (hell, if that were true, almost everyone’s wedding would be a destination wedding!).

To me, and I’m pretty sure to BookTea and many others, a destination wedding is where the wedding is someplace that no one in your family lives, and requires a plane ride, or at least a very long drive — not just a couple of hours — to get to.  BookTea tried to explain that, but some of you are so busy getting offended at what she said that you’re not even paying attention enough to understand that her opinion doesn’t even apply to you.

And yea, I tend to agree with her dislike of destination weddings as she and I define them.  I wouldn’t necessarily say that Destination Wedding are “selfish,” but I do know that I am very unlikely to ever attend one.  I’ll choose for myself where I go, and when, and how I’ll spend my vacation time and my money.  And I do roll my eyes when I see people complain that their friends or family members won’t be attending their Destination Wedding.  But whatever.  

But I do think this whole conversation would have been a whole lot less contenious if people were on the same page as far as what a “destination wedding” is.  Or at the very least, listen to each other when they try to explain.

Post # 57
Member
214 posts
Helper bee

We had a destination wedding, and it is by far one of the best decisions we have made. No regrets. If I could do it again, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Post # 58
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I regret not having a destination wedding or destination elopement.

Post # 59
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Here here to a few PP’s. Here’s my $0.02. 

I am not having a destination wedding. Where I live, Bali is only a two hour flight away so this is where a lot of people get married to keep costs down and have a holiday at the same time. It is also, for us, a cheap holiday. I could go to Bali for a week for less than $1000 including flights, accommodation and food. I’d spend that just getting to another state where I am. 

I get married in less than three weeks and we are having some family and friends fly to see us (approx. 4.5hour flight) but they don’t consider it a Destination Wedding. It’s just flying to a wedding. 

My view is that a Destination Wedding is overseas from where you live. So if you are in the US and are getting married in Aus, it’s a Destination Wedding. However if a friend of mine had moved to the States, and invited me to the wedding, I would consider it just “going to a wedding”. But if my friend was living in the US, having her wedding in Cuba, and invited me, I’d consider that a Destination Wedding. Does that make any sense at all? 😛 

As for it being selfish – I think it can depend on the couple. 

If I was having a wedding overseas and invited 100 people, betting on 50% not coming, I feel like that’s inviting people just for a present. If I don’t have the money to accommodate the 100 people, I can’t then be upset. I invited them. However, if I’m planning a Destination Wedding, invite 100, I genuinely want those 100 people to come. I don’t think I’m being selfish asking them to spend, what could be, thousands of dollars as they’ve made that decision to come. They could have RSVP’d no. 

As for regrets – I don’t apply. 

However a friend of mine had a Destination Wedding elopement interstate. She went to one of the beautiful islands here (Hamilton Island) and while she loved it, she regrets it. She looks back at her photos and she gets upset because her family aren’t there. But she eloped because of family reasons (it was all getting a bit much for her).  

Post # 60
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

So this thread taught me a lot. I previously considered a Destination Wedding to be a wedding that is held far from where invitees and party lived. As in, everybody would have to travel to attend. For example, SO and I have been tossing around the idea of having a shipboard cruise wedding (where the ceremony takes place before embarkation, so that guests wouldn’t necessarily have to be traveling as well) but there are no ports nearby, so we would be traveling to either Charleston or Miami. Even if we decided to get married in the town we’re in now, literally everybody but his grandmother and maybe four friends would have to make a trip to see the wedding. We’ve got immediate family and close friends from coast to coast, north and south. If we had it here, it would not be destination. But in my mind and his, even just making a trip to Charleston or Miami would be destination, because we’d be making at least a five hour trip or a plane ride, and the people we would want to have there would be doing the same. It would be a vacation, still. Just not out of the country.

To answer the question, I haven’t had a wedding yet of course, BUT a Destination Wedding is exactly what we have in mind. It would eliminate the feeling of having to invite acquaintances or coworkers, we wouldn’t have to entertain a bunch of people, and we get to be on vacation immediately! Plus, after pricing desirable venues in my area and adding in other costs, it just makes more financial sense to have a small celebration plus honeymoon more or less combined. A damn barn venue not far away is over $5k, and that’s not inclusive. A barn! In a field! A shipboard ceremony plus reception and decor is less than $3k.

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