(Closed) Destination wedding regrets?

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 61
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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Artie52:  We’re going to Lake Orta! It’s a beautiful, small lake in the North, close to the border with Switzerland so very quaint and picturesque.

We’re actually driving over from the UK and leave this time next week….so excited! Our 60+ guests are telling us every day how excited they are too and how much they are looking forward to the short break away. They are all coming for between 2 and 7 nights depending on personal circumstances and many are combining it with other places to make it a longer trip. We are all big travellers 🙂 

Post # 62
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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SellyJo:  That sounds lovely!  We’re south of Florence and I can’t wait.  My only regret is that the weather will be in the 50s rather than the 70s! 

 

And there’s a lot of interesting comments on here defining a destination wedding.  I don’t think it’s necessarily overseas.  In my case, yes it is.  My sister happens to live a few countries away, but it’s definitely still a destination since she’s literally the only one with less than a 6 hr plane ride to get there.  Croatia is hugely different from Italy, and she’s never been.  Our family members are flying from Chicago, MN, and FL to go with us.  Even if we had decided on Florida, where one of my aunts lives, I’d still consider it destination since 90% of the guests travel extensively to get there.  To me, a destination is considered a location 6+ hrs from your home and the home of the majority of the guests.  If you moved from Chicago to Cali for college and flew back to hold the wedding… not destination, just having a convenient wedding for the majority of the guests.

Post # 63
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - On the Beach in Negril, Jamaica

We just had our Destination Wedding in Jamaica this weekend and I regret absolutely NOTHING! We sent out wedding announcements instead of invitations and if people wanted to attend we gave them the necessary information. We didn’t even have a registry to “expect gifts” from anybody. We’ve been together long enough to have everything we need and expected nothing from our families and friends. Our wedding was for us and anybody was welcome if they chose to make the trip. It was ourselves, my parents and everybody else in the resort. Lol. It was a wonderful experience and I wouldn’t change a thing. 

Post # 64
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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Bellagiobride:  hey bee! I’m a local to vegas and was hoping you could answer a question for me. Sorry I cant figure out how to pm you on my phone lol. We’re having our wedding here in vegas and you mentioned you were going to have a restaurant reception… we haven’t decided on our venues and we’re not having anything at a casino but a restaurant reception isn’t off the table yet… so if you did have a restaurant reception does that mean you’d forgo having like the first dance and cake cutting since it’s at a restaurant? And does it basically equate to an open bar since your guests can order whatever they want and you foot the bill? Or would you prepay the restaurant and pay if there’s a difference? Thanks (:

Post # 65
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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x3leesa:  We ended up having our reception at a ballroom at the M resort (beautiful if you can swing it), so we had all of the usual wedding traditions. Anyway, before the guest list got out of control, I was going to have it at a restaurant at The Wynn. I looked at several restaurants there. We were going to have all of the traditions  there too. It was room for everythin though. My advice would be to search online for any Vegas restaurants that have had wedding receptions there. Most likely, if they have already had a reception there, they are able to handle most if not all traditional wedding request. I heard Maggiano’s in Vegas in reasonable with price, and I know the food is excellent. Just click on my screen name and it will give you the option to message me if you have more in depth questions. 

Post # 66
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Beaches Negril

I’m a destination bride and we chose it to keep away people who didn’t wish us well. Although it’s just us and the kids, I regret not having a ceremony back home. I realize that my family isn’t the greatest, I still wanted then there. I guess I can’t let go of that little girl dream I have. 

Post # 67
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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Bellagiobride:  Oh that’s awesome!  I glad you don’t have to forgo those other traditions!  Thanks (:

Post # 68
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: A restaurant on the beach

We will be having a destination wedding. My family is very large and spread out between the US, England, and the Carribean. Conversely, my SO has a very small family and will probably only be inviting 6 people to the wedding. In order to avoid a large wedding that would consist of mostly my family and family friends we have decided to go to the Carribean. Only family will be invited and we don’t expect more than 25 people. 

 

For or those saying that a destination wedding is selfish, it isn’t. A wedding is about the couple celebrating their love. Family, in my opinion, is welcome but not necessary. If you don’t want to go that’s your choice but bashing the couple who chooses to celebrate their love in a way that makes them happy is selfish of YOU. 

Post # 69
Member
38 posts
Newbee

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BookTea:  I get you. While I would send the RSVP and even call the couple to thank them for the invite; I am with you on possibly feeling as being asked a lot of. In my experience Destination Wedding and intercontinental invites have been massively more expensive for me than local weddings. All the weddings I’ve attended as a guest cost me $100 or less for gift, dress and transportation. $300 as a teenage bridesmaid. 

Some other bees have posted $1300 as a ‘reasonable’ or even bargain amount. That’s just flight and hotel. The couple will part with far more money than that to attend. Let alone showers, gifts and bach parties.  I recently explained to my Manhattan-born guy friend how much women expect guests and bridal party to contribute weddings and he was speachless. 

For the OP: A regret to avoid is lost friendships over money. Know your crowd and expectations. The week-long parties in the tropics sound Epic (Lord knows I’ve used my passport more than my driver’s license!); as long as your guest list are the kind of people to spend four figures of their compensation to attend your awesome party or you can pay, then its a win! Mazel Tov! 

From experience, please do not guilt, patronise or lose 15 year friendships over declines. People in grad school and surgical residencies, while not poor, are not in a position to fund luxury international vacations, even with a year’s notice. We love you, we just can’t in our right mind spend $1300 (or in my case: $4000) in student loans on your wedding.

Please do not insist to ‘save up for it’. An adult knows what they can afford. It is very patronising and insulting for people to appoint themselves in charge of someone elses finances. Beseaching people to save up all year(and thus make financial sacrifices) to attend your wedding in another country may come off as intitled and over-stepping boundries about their money. We know you just want to share the Best Day Ever with us! We are honored and have waited years to support you in your special day! Please don’t let that excitement cross the line into belittling our ability to run our own lives or passivie-aggresively play the role of the betrayed if we cannot afford to attend.

I hope that is helpful and Mazel Tov!

Post # 70
Bee
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I do not regret having a Destination Wedding at all!  It was one of the best wedding related decisions we made.  I loved every moment of my DW/family trip.  It was amazing (and surreal) to have a week in paradise with all my loved ones.  I will treasure the memories forever.  Our guests had a blast and got along famously. There is even talk of a 1 year anniversary trip.

We had a small turn out (21 out of 106 invites) but almost all of our VIP’s ended up making the trip.  There was maybe one person who couldn’t attend that I was sad about.  But once you’re there with everyone, you don’t even think about the people who couldn’t make it.  We gave a year+ notice and were perfectly fine with any guests who didn’t want to spend the money or use their vacation time.

 We had our dream wedding, and I’d do it again in a heart beat.  

Post # 71
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Hi all, I am new to this forum and hoping to get advice. I am getting married in a little over 2 weeks, and I am having serious regrets with my choice to have a destination wedding. 

My mom is a travel agent, and my family has always been in love with travelling and taking family vacations. So of course, when I got engaged, my parents immediately put the idea of a destination wedding in my head, as they thought it would be an awesome vacation for everyone and that it would be much better than a huge expensive wedding with people I barely know. I agreed, and my fiance loved the idea. We deliberated for a couple months over which country, which resort, which month, and finally (hasitly) chose one because we were just ready to make a decision. Never once did I really consider having a traditional wedding (when I did, my dad was very quick to tell me why destination would be so much better). My fiance never really gave much of an opinion – he said he doesnt care as long as we get married.

Time passed, and I started to second-guess the decision. People kept saying “its your day! who cares what people think?! this will be so much fun!”, but I DO care what people think, and I’m afraid my fiance’s family is not happy with the wedding. I also am very upset that some of my friends cant go. But I was too afraid to say something about my regrets, and my mom had already put down a deposit on our rooms, and paid for the wedding package. I sent out save the dates and invites. People put deposits on their rooms. I felt stuck.

I kept hoping that I would get really excited about the wedding as it got closer, and that I was just overthinking it. But now I am 2 weeks away, and I break down in tears almost every day. I’m not excited to wear my dress, I’m not excited to party in the caribbean. All I can think about is whether I am going to regret doing this because it doesn’t feel like a real wedding. I don’t feel like I am getting married in 2 weeks because the whole planning process was so distant. I read posts like a lot of the ones in this forum where people think it is selfish and awful to have a destination wedding. It just doesn’t feel like something I would do – to value going to an awesome resort over having all my friends and grandparents there for my special day. I got so caught up in details that I didn’t look at the big picture. I am hoping it turns out to be wonderful, but I am not happy with the decisions that I made so far, and I don’t know how to shake this feeling that I really screwed up the most important day of my life. I broke down in tears with my mom and she told me I don’t have to do this, I don’t have to get married. But I DO want to get married, I just don’t want to have a wedding like this anymore, but it’s too late.

Has anyone felt the same way? Am I crazy to feel like this? Please be kind, I am already an emotional mess (and that is not like me)!

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