(Closed) Destination Wedding Save the Dates Etiquette

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
47439 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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wildflowergypsy :  When is the wedding? Is it during a peak travel or holiday period? How far will your potential guests have to travel?

Save the Dates are not an invitation. They do not require a response nor can you expect one.

I don’t think you need to know your numbers to book a venue for a small wedding. Most venues can handle 10-30 people without needing to know a specific number at this point.

Post # 4
Member
13649 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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wildflowergypsy : A destination wedding is not  a wedding that almost everyone has to travel to attend. By definition it also has to be located in a city or town that is not convenient to the couple or either of their families.

Save the dates do not require any sort of reply. I would just give people a personal heads up, either by phone, email, letter or note.  They have no obligation to reply until they have received an actual invitation. 

Post # 5
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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wildflowergypsy :  you could send a save the date as an e-post thing. Check out Paperless Post. You probably would want to give a heads up since there is air travel involved.

Post # 6
Member
9130 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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wildflowergypsy :  This officiant might be a good officiant, but is not a good wedding planner. A good wedding planner (or even a mediocre one) would know that people don’t RSVP to Save the Dates, and you should not expect them to. They are not meant to help you finalize numbers. They’re meant to give guests a heads up so they can make their travel arrangements as early as they’re comfortable with. It’s presumptuous (and therefore rude) to send invitation more than 8 weeks before the event, so if you want to give people a heads up, STDs are a way to do that. Once you send someone an STD though, you must follow that up with an invitation.

Post # 7
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I second what  

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Ziggy2112 :  said about paperless post. It cuts out the middle mailman and gives your guests a quick headsup as to where and when the wedding will be. And is their first (official) acknowledgement that they are in fact going to be invited to the wedding. You have to send an invite to those which you send a STD. And invites could be sent out 8-12 weeks in advance, depending on when your venue/caterer needs their final head count. 

My wedding is considered a domestic destination wedding, over an hour for myself and Fiance, and we are the closests ones. Everyone else will have to drive 2 hours, drive 6 hours, or fly in and drive an hour. So we gave our guests the headsup 9 months in advance of the wedding. We really want 100% attendance! We also realized there was an RSVP funtion on our wedding website, which was sent out on the STDs. Out of 120 people, 11 RSVP’ed already. We definitely didn’t ask them to do it early, and they can change their reply online still. 

Post # 9
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

I agree that STDs do not require a response and you can’t expect people to respond. But when i did mine, some of the guests kindly let us know ahead of time that they will not be able to make it. This allowed us to budget accordingly and also invite a few more guests. 

I know it’s a no-no in WB to have A and B lists but when we sent out STDs (8 months ahead) and people gave us a hard no, we were able to send out more STDs at the 6 month point to additional guests. We were careful to make sure that there are no overlap (not same circle of friends) to avoid that awkward question of why their STD came later.

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