(Closed) Destination wedding-should I expect gifts from my guests?

posted 10 years ago in Destination Weddings
  • poll: Should I expect a wedding gift from my guests who are attending my DW?

    Yes, you should have the same gift expectations as you would a wedding at home!

    Yes, but the gift should and probably will be less than an average wedding gift.

    No, your guests' attendance at your DW is their gift and nothing more should be expected.

  • Post # 62
    Member
    5521 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I personally would probably get a gift, as I would feel uncomfortable not doing so. But I would never expect guests to get me a gift, esp if I was having a destination wedding that was costing them a lot of money. TBH though, I wouldn’t have a Destination Wedding that would cost my guests thousands in the first place..

    As far as etiquette goes, personally, I don’t think standard etiquette applies to a Destination Wedding. I personally think it is bad etiquette to ask guests to use their annual vacation, and send thousands of dollars, attending your wedding in a destination you picked. So I think gift-giving etiquette goes out the window. I appreciate this might be unpopular, however, I have strong feelings about DWs and would never choose one myself unless I were eloping, or paying for all my guests to attend.

    Post # 63
    Member
    1295 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would give a very small gift compared to what we normally give but this is only because I feel uncomfortable showing up empty handed. To me the gift is your guests’ presence. Having said that, I would only go to a Destination Wedding of a close friend or family member. 

     

    Post # 64
    Member
    2884 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I have to answer this questions as if I were in your shoes.

    On the one hand, I could totally understand why people wouldn’t give gifts considering that the cost of attending a Destination Wedding is so high, but on the other hand I would never attend a wedding (even a DW) and not bring a gift.

    If I were you, I would just be happy about the gifts I do get, and not dwell on the ones I don’t. It’s obvious that there is a great divide on what is considered proper in this situation, so try not to harbor hurt feelings against those who think their presence is all that is required.

    Post # 65
    Member
    1752 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I am attending a Destination Wedding at the end of the month – I am giving a gift, but it is substantially smaller than what I would normally give.  I think thats pretty standard.

    Post # 66
    Member
    6377 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’ll echo the PP’s, no-one should ever “expect” a gift, ESPECIALLY for a Destination Wedding. Your guests, regardless of whether or not they’re being “forced” to attend, are shelling out more than enough money to witness your nuptials. I would imagine that most people would assume taking time off of work, traveling to a far away land and spending thousands of dollars would count as their gift. I’m sure some will give a little something but absolutely nothing should be expected.

    Personally, I would still give a gift but it would be a fraction of what I would have normally gifted for a local wedding.

    Post # 67
    Member
    410 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    In my culture, gifts (usually money) is definitely the norm and pretty much expected. However, we are not expecting any gifts and will also probably not get any because our wedding is destination/semi-destination (semi because it is in my home country but on an island about an hour away by plane). We chose this because we thought our European guests would enjoy it more.

    We are not expecting or receiving any gifts because my parents wanted to have a much larger reception in the city I grew up in and everyone attending the island do will also be attending the city reception. Thus, they will most likely give (smaller- because of the additional cost of flying to the island etc.) monetary gifts to my parents rather than to us. 

     

    Post # 68
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I wouldnt expect any material gifts, but if they still happen to give you one, youve got some amazing friends/fam/guests!

    Post # 69
    Member
    557 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I am personally happy if they even come to my Destination Wedding. My guests are also spending about $800-1000 to attend. I actually put on our wedding website that their presence would be more than enough of a gift and that if they absolutely insist, we would accept donations toward our honeymoon. We already live together so new pots and pans wouldn’t have done us much good. Lol

    Post # 71
    Member
    410 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    No bridal shower for me but will have a hen’s do (no idea what as bridesmaids are organizing it but have heard it involves champagne, spa and a boat…)

    I think I don’t care about the gifts mostly because we are completely ready to pay everything (so not really overbudget= less stress) and also because food and drinks alone will already be US$300 per person and it is unlikely anyone’s gift will even cover that so it frankly, wouldn’t make a difference (although of course it’s always nice to receive a gift).

    Post # 72
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Just another though to throw out there – I am a Destination Wedding bride and Fiance & I decided we would rather not have gifts. Our reasoning is the usual “our guests presence is enough, particularly as they will be forking out enough money to simply be there on our special day” but we also have a much more practical and logical reason for not wanting gifts. Being a destination wedding, if our guests all bring gifts, how on Earth are we going to safely bring them back home after the wedding? Logistically, that would be quite a nightmare. A way around this would be to have guests mail the gift to us, but I think that is poor etiquette – can you imagine putting a “mail to” address on your wedding invitations?

    We know though, that quite a few of our guests will still want to give a gift. So, we will be politely explaining we’d rather not have gifts as it is a destination wedding, but for those who would still like to give a little something, we will have a wishing well set up for our honeymoon. We will however be emphasising that they are under no obligation, as their attendance is a gift enough on our special day.

    That way, if people want to give they have the option. And those that can’t afford to splurge on a gift, as well as airfares & accommodation, won’t feel they have to bring a gift or worry about upsetting us, as we genuinely do not expect anything from our guests but warmth in their hearts on our big day. We also have everything we could possibly need, so an extra dinner set simply won’t be used and would just gather dust anyway.

     

    Post # 73
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Also, no bridal shower for me. Just a really nice hen & stag night which Fiance and I are throwing together, as a big thank you to all our friends & family. We can’t wait 🙂

    Post # 74
    Member
    3015 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I voted no, for all the reasons already given by pp’s. 

    Post # 75
    Member
    342 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I had a Destination Wedding in Grand Cayman.  I would say the majority of people got us a gift.  But some people did not get us a gift.  I will say some people still got us what I would consider the “same” gift that we would have gotten if we had a regular wedding, but some people got us something smaller, which was very nice as well.  I think it depended on each invidividual’s financial situation, which makes complete sense.  

    I think it is important not to put pressure on people to attend a Destination Wedding.  We made it clear to everyone that we would LOVE to have them there, but we understand the financial commitment.  I also sent a thank you card to every person who came even if we didn’t receive a gift because as everyone said their prescense at our wedding really sent a message to us about how much they care about us.  

    The topic ‘Destination wedding-should I expect gifts from my guests?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors