Post # 31
If it wasn’t family we wouldn’t be going to the August bank holiday weekend wedding in Cornwall (for non Brits there is literally nowhere busier on this date). It sucks because accomodation is super expensive because we have to book for a whole week and travelling down there will take twice as long as usual. We usually make a point of not travelling on bank holidays.
Choose a different date.
Post # 32
When you tell people you’re planning a Destination Wedding (I had one), almost always your guests will say how excited they are and that they plan on attending…until it becomes a reality. DWs are expensive for guests in general. Add on to that the Sunday before Thanksgiving and the extra costs associated with that date, it becomes very difficult.
With a Sunday wedding, guests are going to have to take Monday off anyway so I see no reason you have to tack it onto the beginning of Thanksgiving week. Most everyone doesn’t get that Monday off anyway. So your plan just makes things extra challenging. Just pick a different weekend.
Post # 33
This sounds super selfish to me on so many levels. Not only are you intentionally making it cost prohibitive for people to attend to intentionally reduce attendees you host, but you’re also putting it on a Sunday which guarantees they have to miss work Monday. And you’re picking a very expensive time to travel when most people would rather spend time and money for their own parents and family.
Plus, on a selfish level, your own anniversary will fall on or around thanksgiving which seems like a pain.
I wouldn’t mind a Sunday wedding before thanksgiving if it was local for your guests.
Post # 34
thanks for the advice! We’re considering a late October Saturday night if we can get both our families on board and avoid any fall football craziness (especially with Vandy homecoming typically around that time).
Post # 35
the problem is there is no location that is local for all of our guests. Sure, Chicago would be local for perhaps 30% of our guests at most, but aside from my parents, those are the guests that are least important to my fiance and me (i.e. my parents friends and distant cousins).
Our immediate families and ~10 friends each are most important to us, and they are unfortunately spread over the entire country. Like legit all over the country – DC, NYC, Florida, San Francisco, NOLA, just to name a few. These people have already stated they would be happy to travel for our wedding. But based on the advice from this thread, we will pick a different weekend so it is less expensive and inconvenient for them to do so.
Also, for what it’s worth, Fiance and I are paying for the majority of the wedding, so while it would be nice to have a handful of our parents friends in attendance, we do not want to make all of our decisions solely for those people.
Post # 36
Are you dead set on the wedding being in Nashville? If your VIP guest are already all over the place, wouldn’t it be better to pick somewhere with an airport with more service? A local bee already pointed how inconvenient the flights to Nashville are.
Post # 37
I wouldn’t say we are “dead-set” on Nashville, but the place has a lot of meaning for us, as it is where we first met and started dating. While it is a medium-sized airport for a rapidly growing city, it is still in the middle for most of our guests. We don’t want either side of the family to feel like they got the short of the stick – which my family would feel if the wedding was on the east coast and his family would feel if the wedding was in Chicago.
On the flip side, we’ve thought about California, as that is where we both live now – but pricing it out, it would be even more expensive for everyone. It’s further away for both families and most of our friends, and everything is more expensive in this area (food, hotels, transportation, you name it).
Given another bee mentioned about low turnout for Destination Wedding weddings, I’m thinking we’ll have ~60 people actually show up. With a non-Thanksgiving and non-Vandy homecoming date, I think the Nasvhille airport can handle it?
Post # 38
Fair enough. I’m sure the airport can handle it – it’s just the inconvenience factor I was thinking about.
For what it’s worth – my wedding was local for me, but almost all of our guest had to travel a minimum of 400 miles. My parents and inlaws both had quite a few “You need to invite so-and-so, but they’ll never come.” Almost all of them came. We had a VERY low decline rate.
Post # 39
oh wow! I think right now, ours could be kind of a crap shoot. Because we’ve cut down our guest list so much, it’s only the people that we really really care about and talk to frequently. So I could see a lot of them surprising us and making the trip. Our venue can only hold 135 max though, so hopefully that helps our parents cut back their own invites too.
Thanks again y’all for all the advice! We’re the first ones of our generation in both families to get married, so a lot of this Destination Wedding etiquette stuff is new to everyone.