Post # 1
I am sorry if I offend, first off. This may come across as totally ignorant and I understand that.
When Fiance and I began wedding planning, we toyed with all the options out there, his home province, my/now our home province, destination, etc. We’re having a wedding 2 minutes from our home in July.
Friends of ours got married in the dominican this month, it was about $2200 pp to attend the destination wedding. $4400 just wasn’t doable for us as that was a significant chunk of our wedding budget four months before our wedding. Lots of friends and family were able to go and we were to sorry to miss it. They filled two planes of people to go to their wedding -they were fortunate to have a large amount of people who wanted to celebrate with them.
The couple threw a reception home when they got home. She wore her wedding dress again and they had a “normal” wedding reception.
Help me understand, how is this not totally rude to those who were able to go to the destination? Drop $2200 pp, share their special day with them, but then have an at home reception where you again pretend it’s the wedding day and do everything but the ceremony. I know the destination folks saw the ceremony (non-religious short ceremony) but like…..?!?! I know folks that didn’t get to go/weren’t able to go would want to “celebrate” but there are different ways to do it than have a reception, no? I feel like it’s a slap in the face to those who went to the destination. They also had the largest registry I have ever seen, but that’s a whole ‘nother story -do you still give a gift when you pay to go to the destination wedding?
I don’t get it, do people think this is ok and I am totally missing something?
Post # 3
Was there no reception at the destination?
Post # 4
I wouldn’t think it is rude but thoughtful. Getting married, imho, is about bringing two people together, and their families, and friends. The wedding and reception are a way to bring the people together and get to know each other. I am having my wedding near my FI’s family with a wedding and a reception, but I have often debated throwing another reception near where I am from so my extended family can also celebrate with us.
For me, it isn’t about insulting people who could come, because they got to share in something very special, it would be about including people which are important to us. My grandmother has cancer and may not be able to travel to my wedding, and I fully intend on taking my dress to wear and celebrate with her if she can’t make it. People who do come to my wedding may absolutely be invited to party again, not to get more presents, or disrespect them, but to invite them to share in our new circle of joy. And some people that spend thousands of dollars on their wedding dress should totally wear it again if they want.
Post # 5
The people who actually went to the destination were going to see the wedding AND experience the destination. They made the choice to shell out the money, attend the wedding, AND have a fabulous vacation.
I’m sure the couple wanted to have a reception at home to include those who couldn’t go. They are trying to be thoughtful. There is no requirement for the people to attend both.
They are free to host two parties, much as you are free to decide if you want to attend.
Post # 6
I don’t really understand this concept either, and it’s a bit of a sensitive topic in our household… I have an immediate family member doing the exact same thing, at a place you can’t have a recognized legal ceremony. They’re having a “ceremony” at the destination and a cake/punch reception, then following up with a full reception at home.
So…. why do we have to spend $5000 to fly my ass to the destination? Why not just do the whole thing at home? Why not just just have your honeymoon there and pack your wedding dress if you want some beach pictures. She’s said repeatedly that wanting pictures on the beach is her main motivation. Seriously, at 10 guests at $2500 per person, that’s a TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLAR picture of your fake ceremony.
Post # 7
Here’s the thing about weddings….YOU ARE NOT IN CONTRACT TO GO! If you can not afford to go, don’t. Destination brides know that some people can not afford to go or just do not want to spend the money. Most poeple who DO attend destination weddings are not only attending a ceremony but having their vacation at the same time. I am having a “destination” wedding for most of my guests….some are thrilled that they can watch us get married on THEIR vacation…some are like “I can not afford to pay that much to see you get married, and a vacation just isn’t in our budget”….that’s fine, don’t come, you are not obligated to come, that’s why it’s called an INVITE.
Those who choose to have receptions at home (I am not one of those) are choosing to celebrate with those who could not attend their actual wedding. Why should a bride not have her wedding where she wants it, just because some people may or may not come? And why should she not be able to celebrate with those who couldn’t afford to come?
Post # 8
OP what you described is actually exactly what I am doing. Having a Destination Wedding where we are expecting about 50 people to come and then having a full reception back home with about 200 people. So I will give you my point of view.
We picked Destination Wedding because we wanted to reduce the stress and didn’t want a huge budget to be blown all in one day. Most people say they hardly even remember their wedding. So we chose Destination Wedding because we love to travel and thought the idea of having our closest family and friends together for a week long vacation was such an amazing once in a lifetime experience.
We are having a full reception when we get home. This is of course so people who are unable to attend the Destination Wedding can celebrate our marriage as well. In addition, I will be perfectly honest its something I wanted. Maybe its partly selfish but I like many girls have dreamed of my wedding forever and I wanted a reception with all my friends and family.
In terms of your question of it being “rude” to have guests come to our Destination Wedding and to our reception here is my response. It is their choice to attend our wedding in the Dominican. And its not only a wedding they are getting they are having a week long vacation out of it. We are not expecting any gifts from anyone who attends as they already spent money coming. It is also their decision to come to our reception afterwards. I totally get if they don’t want to come to our after reception as they have already celebrated once. However, we are offering another free meal, open bar and night of dancing. I’m not sure what about that invite is “rude”?
Hope this helps you understand a bit the point of view from a destination bride. I’m not offended by your comments just wanted to explain my point.
Post # 9
@PuntaCanaBride: Exactly…how is it rude to invite people for a free meal?? lol
Post # 10
I don’t get it. What is rude?
Post # 11
@cbee: Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, OP, but I think what she’s trying to say is that it may feel like a bit of a slight that bucking up to attend the “real” wedding in the dominican hasn’t given you a more exclusive experience of attending a wedding when there’s a complete do-over at home.
I’m not entirely sure I agree, since my stance is really if you’re going to have an at home reception, why not make that your ONLY wedding…
Post # 12
Exactly what I am trying to say 🙂
Post # 13
I don’t think it is rude, I think wearing the dress might be a bit over the top, but hell, you only get to wear it once usually, so I get the inclination. I think it is pretty common to have an at home reception with a destination wedding, if you attended the far away one, and feel it is too miuch, skip the at home one. If you missed the first one- go have fun at the party!
Post # 14
@Melini: Yes, there was a reception, it looked wonderful in the photos!
@jenroh1984: You’ve totally missed my point. Yes we were invited, no we couldn’t afford to go and were sorry to miss it! It’s an invite and we said no -our choice. And it’s not the free meal back home I am questioning that is rude. My question was trying to understand why some couples have both when they plan on giving everyone most of the experience back on home soil anyways.
When one (or a couple) wants to go away for a destination wedding they are making a choice to not include people (who can’t come for money, health, etc related reasoning) -then doesn’t an at home reception contradict their reasoning for choosing a DW?
@PuntaCanaBride: Are you hosting a dinner at your reception? I assume yes with an open bar. I still don’t understand, you chose a Destination Wedding to “get away” from the stress and budget of one day but isn’t the reception the biggest cost of a wedding regardless of where it is -especially with a meal and open bar? Thank you for posting your perspective though.
I still am not sold on this, as someone who surely someday will get to go to a Destination Wedding, happily pay whatever amount but then come home to have someone potentially host a reception on top of that? It devalues the money I spent to see their wedding, their special ceremony and reception at the destination, that’s my opinion and I am doubtful anyone can convince me otherwise.
Post # 15
I don’t see how it ruins the experience. If you attend a Destination Wedding that group is still the only ones who got to witness the exchange of vows which truly is the best and most important part of the wedding. Secondly, you are also the only people that got to experience a week long vacation with family/friends. I think these are experience those people will not forget and the fact that a reception is held later to celebrate with a larger group of people won’t take that experience away.
And in terms of hosting a whole meal at home. Yes we are. I am in no way saying my wedding is going to be cheaper than if we held it at home but that isn’t the reason we chose it.
I do think it will be less stressful still though because the Destination Wedding is mostly taken care of by the resort. Then when we have the reception we don’t have the ceremony earlier in the day so we can relax all day and visit with our guests as they arrive which will take away the time constraints of a regular wedding.
Admittedly maybe some of our reasons are selfish. Believe me I am looking forward to having two days to celebrate my wedding. However, even if its selfish I just don’t see that its rude to our guests who attend the Destination Wedding. But like you said your mind likely won’t be changed and neither will mine so agree to disagree. Everyone does different things for their weddings and you don’t always have to agree with it.
Post # 16
If the people who made the trip were treated to a nice reception, why should they care if there is a second one? I don’t see what they are being denied? A party in hometown is really nothing at all like a party in the Carribbean.
I did a Destination Wedding. I chose a Destination Wedding because it was going to be a destination for almost everyone anyway, so I wanted to pick a place that would be logistically manageable for weekend travel and that everyone would enjoy. Since everyone was paying to come some distance for it, I felt obliged to host events for three days and help some others in other ways. That means that it cost about $400 per person for the amount that we spent on their food and entertainment alone.
We could only afford to invite close family and friends for this gathering, and we assume that only those people would have wanted to spend the money and time to travel to our wedding. However, we also have a lot of local friends that we would still like to celebrate w/, so we intend to have a party at our house. I’m not doing a sit-down catered thing or the dress or any of that, but we want to celebrate with our friends.
If anyone has a problem feeling like they didn’t get properly recognized…like their financial tit wasn’t matched with a big enough tat…because we wanted to celebrate with more friends that we could afford to dine for three days in Vegas…
Oh, forget that if. No one on our short list would be that selfish.
If someone is bummed that they didn’t get invited to the spendy destination party and boycotts our house party for that reason, I could understand. I wish we were able to have a bigger crew go with us, and I worry about who I may have offended by having a small wedding. The house party is largely our way of including all of those people that we couldn’t afford to have that the destination.