(Closed) Destination Wedding Upset

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3135 posts
Sugar bee

I think you’re being unreasonable.  They aren’t inviting anyone so … that’s all there is to it.

Sharing their plans and wedding dress shopping is probably the way they are ‘sharing’ the event with your or others.

Throw them a party when they get home or if you’re not up to that, suggest they have one so you and others who love them can spread their good wishes

Post # 4
1396 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If no one is invited, don’t take it to heart.  If they were going to invite anyone, it would probably be closest family members first, anyway.  Just be happy for them and ask them to see pictures when they get home!

Post # 5
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Since no one is invited, I don’t know how you can be upset. If they were only inviting 10 people and you weren’t one of the 10, I would get that but in this case, you need to let it go.

Post # 7
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

We eloped. We did invite my parents, but for their own reasons, they declined our invitation. So no one was invited.  All of our friends and family knew we were eloping and knew they wouldn’t be invited.  I did have one of my best friends help me pick out my dress. I also had my mom help me pick out my dress.  I talked to a lot of people about the wedding plans… 

I am sure, without any doubt in my mind, that your friends are not doing this to hurt you. I didn’t do it to hurt anyone, but I’m sure there were people other than my mom who were also upset, but didn’t voice it. 

I suggest you find some way to be happy for your friends and find a way to continue to be supportive of their dream wedding, even if it does hurt you.  It is her wedding, and she’s trying to include you, even if it isn’t the way you’d like to be included.  She wants you to be a part of it, even if guests aren’t part of her dream wedding… 

Post # 8
46 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with Loribeth. I want to elope to the Carribbean and my fiance and I just want it to be the two of us. I am struggling with the thought of hurting certain people, namely my mom, sis and grandmother. I would love for them to just say go forward with the wedding you want, and we will be happy with whatever you decide.

We do plan to have a reception when we return, but we just want the wedding to be ours and ours alone. If my fam can share in me picking out my wedding dress or giving me a shower or participating in the reception, I would love that and hope that would be enough.

Post # 9
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I understand how you feel but remember it is about them, no one else. I still deal with this and I’ve been married almost 2 years. We chose to have a very small intimate wedding of 12 people most of that being our parents and siblings. We had other plans for our future and wanted to forgo the large celebration. Honestly I also could not get into the idea of a large wedding. Be supportive, please! It does and will ruin relationships. I feel friends and family who’ve made comments to me about not being “invited to that wedding” are increadibly rude and selfish. The last time I checked, my getting married had nothing to do with anyone else except me and my husband. We’ve been happily married for 2 years and are deeply inlove. Can’t you just be happy for us? It doesn’t make anyone less married not having anyone there! Its their day and it doesn’t matter how supportive you are or were, they should be able to get married without any judgement from anyone.

Post # 10
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Fiance and I are eloping next month and no one is invited, yet I have gone wedding dress shopping with my mum, sisters and my would be Maid/Matron of Honor. My would be Maid/Matron of Honor is also organising a hen’s night for me, and even though she as well as other people wish they were there they understand.

So, yes, you are being a bit unreasonable wanting an invite. Like no one is going, so how would you feel being the only one there hahaha *awkward*

Post # 11
34 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am attempting to plan a beach wedding.. because of budget I can only invite my bridesmaids, his groomsmen, and family. I feel bad not being able to invite others but just can’t afford it.

I could see how you could feel upset regarding this matter because of the closeness of your relationship. If you look it in the prospective that she is including you in the dress shopping.. she must consider you an important part of her life. 

I hope this helps! 

Post # 12
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

View original reply

I totally agree!

Post # 13
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think you should take it to heart. The vows do include “foresaking all others”– that means it’s about them putting each other before everyone else, including you. Maybe it will help to look at it this way: Their relationship isn’t about you (unless there’s some weird menage-a-trois thing going on), so why would their wedding be? 

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