(Closed) Destination Wedding Verse

posted 7 years ago in Paper
  • poll: Rate my verse out of 5 please~
    1 : (1 votes)
    33 %
    2 : (1 votes)
    33 %
    3 : (0 votes)
    4 : (1 votes)
    33 %
    5 : (0 votes)
    Other (post and explain) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    @mrsbruff2b: I think the sentiment is nice.  But it has some issues for me.

     

    His love is the sunshine that keeps me warm. She is the lighthouse during the storm.

    By the ocean so clear and blue, united forever, our love is true.

    I find the changing speakers in the first two sentences a little confusing.  I had to read it over twice to realise that it was supposed to be each of you saying one sentence.  Perhaps there is a way to make that more obvious.  I thought you were actually switching in and out of first person.

    It also wouldn’t really be a suitible for announcing who is hosting the event.  Usually it would be something like, Together with their families Harold and Barbara invite you to celebrate their marriage.  This announces that Harold, Barbara, and their families are hosting a wedding.  Yours doesn’t really do that.

    The topic ‘Destination Wedding Verse’ is closed to new replies.

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