Post # 1
Hi everyone, so still not actively planning anything until the ring is on my finger (come on Boyfriend or Best Friend… :p, hopefully soon) but the one thing we have talked about is that Boyfriend or Best Friend sort of wants to do a destination wedding and I’m torn. Mainly he doesn’t like being the center of attention for anything, but will have a wedding cause that’s what I want. The big question is do we do it where we live or do we fly to an exotic place and get married there.
Neither of us have big families — his is slightly bigger than mine — but I think with just our families it would be a 40 person wedding. BUT I have always wanted to share the day with my closest friends and I know that if we had a destination wedding most of them wouldn’t be able to come. My friends are all just starting their careers or still in school (we’re currently 27/28ish) and don’t think they’d spend the money to go to a destination wedding. Some of them also have babies and would be limited by that, too.
So, really, a destination wedding would end up really just our families and us and I know that’s what a wedding is really about — union of the couple and their families — but its not what I’ve ever wanted. I want my friends there.
Did anyone have the same struggles when trying to decide on the destination vs. local wedding?
I’ll add, my friends would almost certainly come to a wedding locally as for most it would be a couple hour drive or train ride…
Post # 3
@google: I just went to a destination wedding and you are right it was pretty much just family and a few friends who could afford to take off work and pay for flight/hotel. If you really want them there, I would look more locally.
But stop thinking about it until you actually have a propsal. Oh and once you do get engaged your family is going to have alot of opinions for you guys to hear on how it should be done, whether you want to hear them or not!
Post # 4
Honestly, this is the reason I decided not to have a wedding in Hawaii (which is actually where I live, but all of our friends and family are on the East Coast of the US, so it wouldn’t have been destination for us, but for everyone else). Some of our friends have been INCREDIBLY supportive of our relationship for years and I can’t imagine them not being at our wedding– but most of them are graduate students or entry level in their careers and it would have been a stretch for them to travel far for a wedding or take that much time off at a specified time. I’d just keep thinking about it if I were you– we went back and forth a few times. I’m sure you’ll figure out what’s right for you.
Post # 5
@google: i had to make peace with the fact my friends couldnt come, but i already live in mexico. once i realised that my family can travel a lot more easily than his, we decided on a mexico wedding. but rather than having it where i live (monterrey, so not v safe) we’re going for riviera maya
if it was back in england, there are maybe 10 friends who i would LOVE to be there (and friends that i would like to be there but less so). of them, 2 can come to my wedding here. for me, given that fi’s family wouldnt be able to make it here and im spending my life here so need to have a good relationship with hsi family…it was easier to decide
for your bf, is it that he really wants a Destination Wedding or he just doesnt want a big circus of a wedding? he might be saying that as he thinks he’ll end up with 300 people or whatever. if you had just family and closest closest friends it wouldnt be too big – say the 40 people, plus 10 best friends of both of you/
you could always do the at home reception with close friends hwo cant make it – something casual like a bbq so not expensive, but to celebrate the marriage with them?
Post # 6
is a long proposal so people can save up an option? or perhaps helping to foot the cost for some people?
Fiance and I discussed Destination Wedding. We figured giving people 18 months is plenty of time to plan. Almost all my friends go on vacation every year and I don’t think it’s that much to ask that they plan their annual vacation around our Destination Wedding instead or another week or in another place. If they care enough to be there, they will. And if money is the issue, which it might be with 2 of our friends (1 on each side), we considered offering some “financial aid” – either covering the cost of the ticket or the room or something to help out.
But, you have to do what you really want to do. You can still have a local wedding and keep the guest list short – just family and a few close friends. Perhaps you can limit it to 30 invites per side or something. This way, it won’t be a large gathering so your Fiance won’t be uncomfortable, but it also won’t be limiting your friends.