Post # 1
So I’ve seen similar posts on this board, but had to throw out my story. Fiance and I have always talked about a destination wedding. We love to travel, and niether of us wanted the big expensive ceremony here. We knew very well going into it that many people would not be able to come (work, finances, kids, etc), and while we wished everyone could come, we completely understand. We’ve been researching resorts, and are trying to find an affordable package, and more importantly a reasonable destination for our guests that are able to come.
My parents have commented about helping pay, but we haven’t asked them for money, and aren’t really planning to. After recently speaking with them, I’m suddenly questioning their support. We’ve made it very clear we do not want a traditional wedding here, and understand that it could just be us on the beach, and if it came to that, we’re ok with it. I went to my parents letting them know I felt a bit overwhelmed and anxious, and didnt want the wedding to upset or burden anyone, and while I expected reassurance of “this is about you…this is your day,” I instead got the “I told you so” attitude. They’ve never specifically said anything negative or unsupportive, and made a point to remind me that they hadn’t said anything, the attitude and defensiveness makes me feel otherwise. We don’t have extended family so no one is missing out, parents and brother’s family are both financially capable of traveling, and we’ve picked resorts cheaper then what they regularly spend on trips. Again, there hasnt been a sign with flashing unsupportive letters, but I also haven’t felt the excitement of this being their baby girl’s big day. We have friends and co-workers more enthused about it.
I’m an anxious person, and a worrier, and my fiance keeps reminding me that this is about us and our love, and about what we want, not anyone else. The idea of compromising and doing a wedding here is upsetting to me, as I’ve always dreamed of this beach wedding. Now do we care to have a home reception when we get back. As supportive as my parents usually are, I dont understand the hang up here. I’m at the point now where I’d almost rather elope and not invite anyone, just to avoid the guilt of it altogether.
Post # 2
They’re probably worried about the cost to guests, and possibly about the cost to themselves and/or your brother. Just because your parents and brothers can afford to attend your wedding, it doesn’t mean that’s what they want to do with their money (and their possibly limited vacation time).
Post # 3
You went to them telling them you were anxious and overwhelmed, and didn’t want to upset or burden anyone.
Rather than argue that your feelings were not legit, they validated your feelings,
Post # 4
I know that my family is able to contribute to the wedding which is local for them, but involves travel for me and FH. Basically, instead of what they would have had to all spend in travel, they can help with some wedding costs. Anyway, every family is different, but maybe they are just adjusting to the diffferent scenario than they expected and figuring out the finances. Also, I have been a little overwhelmed with how much help my mom and family friends are offering to do, so if you have taken it all on yourself, they may be feeling left out?
With all that being said, I’m not trying to make it seem like it’s your fault, just thinking of the motivation that may be behind their reaction to you. Bet of luck with everything – I’m sure the closer it gets, the more excitement will come!
Post # 5
Do what is right for you and your Fiance. Of course when you have a Destination Wedding, you have to accept that some people won’t make it, but it seems like you already have. We had a small Destination Wedding in Hawaii with 10 guest, and wouldn’t have changed anything. My husband’s stepdad, wife and daughter couldn’t make it and we had moments where my Father-In-Law (who makes very good money) would act like he couldn’t afford it, and we thought about going back to our original plan of just us…but our wedding week was seriously the best week of our lives and everyone had a blast! Just do what makes you happy!
And because we just got our pics back, here’s some-
Post # 6
They obviously share the traditional view that DWs are usually an imposition on guests, putting venue ahead of the people who might want to be there, and expecting people to spend time and money on your idea of their vacation.
Unfortunately, most DWs do put a burden on people. I don’t think you can have it both ways.
Post # 7
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