- 8 years ago
Hey y’all! I’m a newbie on these boards, and I really need some advice. So I’m a senior in college (just turned 23) dating another senior in college (21, turning 22 over the summer). We met in September, and have therefore only been together for 6 months. He is the most wonderful guy I’ve met, and I knew from the beginning that this guy would be special/important to me and that I’d try to make this work for the long haul. I had that gut feeling.
The thing with my guy, as much as I love him, is that he’s slightly emotionally challenged. He’s an engineer who is very intellectual and kind of awkward, but he’s not the best with words or talking about feelings. And he’s shy. I love being with him, and I love him, but I don’t know whether to continue the relationship (it’d have to be LDR at that point) past May if I don’t have a verbal confirmation that comes from him that he loves me. I’ve basically told him that I love him, but I’m not saying it to him, because I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or make him feel like he has to say it to me if he doesn’t feel it to make me happy. We’ve talked about the love thing (most recently a week ago when I made a joke that we can’t make love if we don’t love one another and he said “maybe eventually” I replied with something sassy like “maybe never” and he told me that he’s an optimist…I know I shouldn’t have said that, but what’s done is done).
I guess the silver lining in all of this is that I know where I stand with him, but even that doesn’t help that much. I mean he tells me he appreciates me and that he cares about me and that I’m the best (which is a big improvement over the beginning of our relationship when I wasn’t sure whether he liked me or not) and he goes out of his way for me when I need him and stuff. I don’t doubt that he cares for me and I really have noticed that he has opened up more over the last couple of months and I guess there is a question of: “Why do you need him to tell you that he loves you if he acts like he does?” I do think that verbalizing it is important to me, but I want it to come from him completely, which is why I have refrained from saying it to him even though I admitted it to him.
In January he told me that “I love you” has come up on his queue of things to say to me, but that he wanted to be sure before he said it. 2 months later, nothing. And that’s fine. People have their own pace, and he’s a shy guy who only had one girlfriend before he met me. Still, I wonder about May, and I doubt he’ll say it to me by then. At that point it’ll have been 8 months since we strted dating…almost 9 months by the time we graduate…and I don’t know what to do about continuing the relationship long distance or not if that’s the case. I really, truly feel like I could spend the rest of my life with this guy, and I know that if that’s the case we have at least 4-5 years of dating ahead of us before I’d feel ready to get married. And I realize that I’m jumping way ahead, but if he doesn’t love me/can’t admit that he loves me after 2/3 to 3/4 of a year, how will he ever commit/propose? I mean, if we decide to continue it after this semester, it’ll be because we think it could be for the long haul and we don’t want any regrets. Otherwise, why bother with an LDR?
He did also tell me a week ago that he’s scared about us/the future and that he wants to “be with [me] for as long as [he] can” to which I told him that we’d make the best decision when the time comes and that people make things work under all sorts of circumstances if we decide to go on with it. He also told me that if we knew we were going to break up in May, it’d ruin the rest of his semseter. I just don’t know how to interpret all of this/what to do.