Post # 1
It official today: my wedding is postponed till July 2021 and so is my honeymoon….I want go into a long story about how I’ve been with the same man for 8 years and waited 5 years to get married. I also wont go into the amount of money I spent preparing for the wedding I am not having….
S/O says we can still (secretly) get married at court on the date we planned and have just the ceremony next year, but I worry it will ruin the excitement of getting married; Has anyone does this? Will getting married at the courthouse a year before the ceremony ruin the excitement or it doesn’t matter?
The worst part of all of this is that we were suppose to start TTC January 2021 and now we cant because I wont be able to fit in my wedding dress or be able to drink on my honeymoon if we we are successful ( I dont care really about the drinking but my mother in law brought my dress and I would feel horrible after she spent lot of money on a dress and I cant wear it). Im going to be 30 in August, Ive never had a child before and now I have to wait a whole year before starting. I already worry about my fertility now (I have issues with developing cysts sometimes and heavy painful periods–DR says Im fine for now) and now I have to wait even more time, Im so scared that it will be too late when we start next July.
I dont know how to not be so upset. I dont know how to stay positive. Im not looking for pity, but maybe some words from other women in the same position as me:
Please. Someone.. tell me I’m not alone here….
Post # 2
I’m sorry that you’ve had to postpone your wedding. It’s tough.
its ok to feel how you do and I suggest you give yourself a few hours to just feel those feelings. Vent, rant, cry do whatever you need.
then deep breath and focus on the positives. More time to save money to spend on your wedding / honeymoon. In a year you could easily save some more to pay for first class flights or a room upgrade.
more time to get wedding body read (if that’s your thing) more time to get excited.
i know it’s disappointing but honestly 30 isn’t some magic drop off in fertility. I was over 30 when I had both my kids and I know many women in their 40s who has oopsey babies.
Post # 3
Many people are doing a small legal ceremony on their original date, or close to it, and having the celebration later, but there’s no reason to keep it a secret. It’s a pandemic. People understand. There’s no reason to put off getting legally married and there’s no reason to not have a a celebratory ceremony on your rescheduled date for your loved ones to attend. Many people are doing things that way. It’s a matter of what you prefer.
Post # 4
Thank you for your reply, I know my mother had her second and third child in for 40’s (although one of my half siblings is a a bit slow)… I just worry because Ive never been pregnant before and all the websites say 30 is the start of the downhill slope to infertility!
I guess I can only pray God/ the universe, shows me mercy and allow me another two years of good eggs and health.
Having a court ceremony now and then wedding to celebrate later is my perfered idea, but I thought my guest wouldnt bother coming if they knew we were already married?
Also, do you think it lessens the excitment of the wedding day for the groom? I know I will be happy regardless, but men are different. I asked him his thoughts on it and hes leaving the decision up to me
Post # 5
You can have the excitement of marrying on your original date (in your dress if you like) AND the excitement of celebrating with friends and family in a year, even if you are pregnant. Or whatever combination of events that will bring you the most joy.
It’s okay to be upset that things aren’t happening as planned. That’s the case for many of us who planned to marry this year (Fi and I are still figuring out how we will get married as we’ve just plain canceled/will not be rescheduling our reception) along with high school and college graduates, trips of a lifetime, having babies in quarantine–the world is a bit upside down and few are living the lives they’d envisioned right now.
Post # 6
I have two cousins (both military) who got married in a courthouse prior to deployment and then had a large wedding a year later. Both tried to keep it quiet and allow people to think they were unmarried at the large wedding. In both cases, it got out well before the large wedding. Did some people privately side eye them? I’m sure, but in both cases, attendance was high, and the wedding was beautiful. I think you should go ahead and get married, and even start TTC along with your original plans. You don’t know that you’ll be pregnant by then and if you are- you are. I suspect your Mother-In-Law is more worried about your happiness than her financial contribution to your wedding.
Post # 7
Obviously this is only my opinion so everyone is free to disagree. If i was in your position (which i partially am),and IF the big day is really important to you, i would wait with getting married till July 2021. I also have been thinking about this scenario of getting legally married this year and having a ‘wedding’ with guests next year, and to be honest this idea is pointless to me. Note ‘me’. Others might disagree.
For me the whole point of coming to someone’s wedding is to see the excitement of them saying I do in front of people they love and care about. This whole ‘let’s celebrate our wedding a year after we’d got married’ is really strange. (Similar to vows renewal, don’t see the point). I come to a wedding to see the bride and the groom overcome with emption and love saying those special words to each other, and yes then celebration with everybody.
I personally fear i would loose the excitement, and then the walking down the isle to say I do, to my already husband, would feel staged and fake.
You are ONLY 30, and your doctor says you are fine waiting another year. 30 is still very young and you have very very high chance of getting pregnant without trouble. 1 year seems like a long time, but really is not. When I look back to last summer i think god, has it really been a year!
However, if you kind of reached your limit with the whole wedding planning and worrying about it never happening and really really worried about starting a family, that’s a different story altogether.
Post # 8
I know I would be less excited for the party if I were already legally married. I’d probably end up canceling it because it would feel pointless to me by then, but I can understand for sure why others would feel differently. I just know myself and know I’d feel that way. If I can’t go through with my November wedding, I’ll wait until next year for the whole shebang.
Post # 9
with all this going on a lot of people are getting legally married and then having the party later. I think it will still be exciting for you and your guests. I don’t know about anyone else, but I for one am ready for a big party when this is all over. The chance to see family and friends again that we’ve been kept away from is a big reason to party.
Again with the fertility, 30 isn’t a cut off. I started trying for my first just before my 30th birthday. It did take us a while and I didn’t plan to have my first baby at 32 but honestly, I couldn’t have timed him better. Getting pregnant with my second was much easier and I had her at 34 (a few weeks shy of 35)
Post # 10
It depends on the person. But consider each piece of it in context. If you got legally married now and had your celebration next year, it would be like completing your wedding. Yes you would already be legally married but then the celebration is about sharing your joy with your loved ones. Your nearest and dearest will probably see it as a celebration for them too–a celebration that life has picked up again after covid and finally they can celebrate with you. Everyone feels like life is on hold. I would look forward to the rescheduled event if I were a guest. I would want to see the bride wear the dress she picked out and I would be grateful for the opportunity it presents to gather with family and friends. It’s an excitement in context. Exchange vows out in the open with your friends and family present. Wear your beautiful gown, get you beautiful pictures, go on the honeymoon you’ve been looking forward to. If I were a bride now, I’d do legal now and every bell and whistle I’d originally envisioned later and enjoy every single piece of it. As a guest, I would be happy for the couple carrying on with their legal marriage on their wedding date, but with bittersweet feelings that their wedding celebration got shut down by covid. I would be happy to hear they were planning to still have their celebration with full ceremony next year. No less excitement–in fact, I’d have MORE excitement.
Post # 11
If you waited to have a wedding and then were not able to conceive would you regret it? Personally, if I were in your position I would elope and then throw a delayed reception. Everyone is facing more uncertainty right now and you’ve waited 5-8 years already. (By the way, why did you wait so long?)
Post # 12
We had two weddings – one church wedding with just immediate family and one civil with extended family and friends. No one cared because we were honest about it. Well, except one person, but she is a bitch and makes everything about her so IDGAF.
Do what works for both of you. Just be honest about it. I promise everyone will be excited to celebrate your love when this mess is over.
Post # 13
who cares why they waited so long. It is so insulting to ask that. Everyone’s path is different, and a longer one isn’t any lesser.
Post # 14
Most people don’t wait 5-8 year. Depending on the answer, it might be relevant to her current decision.
Could you elaborate why you think it’s insulting to ask? It sounds like by saying the question is insulting you are implicitly suggesting that that waiting is problematic or shameful.
Post # 15
Honestly, as much as I think people who elope and then later have a ceremony should just admit it, I really think anyone who has to postpone during Covid should get a free pass on that. Everyone understands why you had to postpone. Everybody understands nobody really wants to delay getting married once they’ve started. Anyone who doesn’t think you still deserve the special day you planned is just an asshole. Get married, anticipate a nice ceremony later. And hang all the rules this time.