Post # 1
I’m writing this under another name because I don’t want anyone I know to stumble on this and get their feelings hurt.
But honestly, my feelings are hurt. My wedding is in a month. Today one of my bridesmaids (I am having a small party of four bridesmaids compared to my FI’s six) told me she can’t be in the wedding party because she can’t get off work. She has gotten in trouble for missing work lately and she submitted a request and her employers rejected it. She doesn’t want to get fired. I understand, but still, it sucks. However I could get over it, even though it’s so close to the event. I would miss her on the day but stuff happens.
But then she told me she would try to finangle it so that she could still come to the wedding. I don’t understand how she could come to the wedding but not be in the party. I’m wondering if she hasn’t bought the dress. It’s an expensive dress, $125, but if it was a problem I would have paid for it and all the other girls would have understood.
It’s just one thing after another with this wedding. I feel so beaten down. I don’t care about the sides being even – I think it’s childish to be worried about that, but now I’m worried they’ll be so uneven that FI’s relatives and friends will wonder if I have no friends. I’m a shy, quiet person to begin with so I wonder if they’ll think I have no social skills whatosever. I feel like I’m back in high school worrying about being judged.
I already bought her bridesmaid gift(s) and was so excited to give her them. I’m worried the whole wedding will be like this – going well and at the last minute things kinda go to hell.
I just drove home from work and sat in my car and cried. When is this going to be over?? I just want to be married already!!!!! 🙁 🙁 🙁
Post # 3
You’re getting married! *repeat* and relax.
I can understand the frustration with you Bridesmaid or Best Man.. especially given that weddings are planned WAY in advance and she should’ve given her notice for time off LONG time ago… BUT maybe it’s that being in the party requires more time off than just getting off a little early to attend…
I actually had this happen with my SISTER (moh) b/c her company had JUST been bought out and she lives oot.. she didn’t think she’d be able to make it for the rehearsal b/c of the time.. which I find out the WEEK OF THE WEDDING.
BUT it all got worked out and I still married the man of my dreams! and that’s all that matters.
Don’t worry about what other people may or may not think!!!.. They don’t matter when it comes to things like how many and who’s up there… just enjoy those that ARE there with you and enjoy the day for what it REALLY is… you marrying your FH
Post # 4
I am so sorry – this is defintely stress you don’t need right now! I know how you feel; my Fiance has 2/3 of our guest list, so we can’t really have “sides”. However, the only advice I can give is: remember, the only people who matter are you and your fiance. Everyone has a different definition and requirement for friends. No one will judge you – everyone there will just be excited and honored that they can share in your special day!
Post # 5
That sucks, sorry you are going through that. I was thinking maybe she would be able to come to the wedding by going to work but leaving early? Being in the wedding party would require the whole day off, but if she were to just work half day (this is assuming it’s daylight shift she works)
But you are getting married! The imporant thing is you and your Fiance and no one else 🙂
Post # 6
That sucks, on top of all the usual stress of planning a wedding! Honestly, I don’t think a single person at your wedding is going to be thinking that having a smaller bridal party means you have no friends. I’ve seen uneven bridal parties lots of times and thought nothing of it. And 6 and 3 will look really nice because there the girls can walk down with a guy on each arm. Try to focus on the happiness – you are getting married, its going to be beautiful, and you will feel so loved on your day!
Post # 7
@saddestbride: ummmm…. if she’s trying to “find” a way to come but can’t get off work, pictures would be kind obvious that she lied to her employers and she’d probably end up fired.
So, that’s probably why she can come to the wedding a guest (incognito so to speak) but not be in the wedding party. One she can avoid being in photos (as a guest) the other she can’t (as a member of the wedding party).
It sucks, but, that’s life. 🙁 Lots of hugs!!!!! and sorry you’re being stuck with this situation. 🙁
Post # 9
@Zinzerena: It’s a long story but just trust me that I know for sure that’s not the reason (the pictures etc). I don’t know what the real deal is but if it’s a good reason for her it has to be good enough for me I guess! No way around it.
Thanks bees for the encouraging words. I’m still pretty bummed about it this morning but some perspective is good. I feel a little silly picking an “incognito” name like saddestbride, yes, clearly this is the SADDEST thing to ever happen to a bride to be… (sarcasm).
This is the same bm who flaked on going to my shower with me – long story, my Mother-In-Law wanted to throw me a shower, but due to family tensions I asked her to just invite my mom and my bridesmaids. Two are out of town, so I didn’t expect them to come, one never responded to the formal invite or to repeated texts/facebook messages, and the fourth (this one) said she wanted to come but then an hour before the event sent me a text saying she was feeling ill.
On top of that my mom got drunk that morning (she’s an alcoholic) and no way could I bring a belligerent drunk to my IL’s nice thoughtful shower. So I had to show up alone to my own shower. I’m sure that looked GREAT to all the women in FI’s family.
Post # 10
@saddestbride: awwww, lots of hugs sent your way!
I’m sorry she’s being flakey on you. 🙁 Seems that problem is an epidemic lately.
I say this because one friend I know was dumped by her boyfriend before Irene hit, another girl’s boyfriend who lives 20mins from her couldn’t bother checking up on her or answering texts about if HE was alright when Irene hit, and one of my step-son’s best friends has pretty much gone off the deep-end and their friendship is basically dead in the water.
So, poor choices that hurt others seem to be an epidemic right now. 🙁 Hopefully she’ll at least come to the wedding and will feel bad for flaking out on you.
Either way, I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this! (((((HUGS)))))