(Closed) Devastated about my little sister…

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Well, there’s nothing you can do about it right now. Just suck it up and be a great sister. She needs that right now. Telling her she made a mistake or making her feel bad will only push her away. Tell her that you are happy for her and want to be involved in her life. You want to be that sister.. so when things go bad, she’ll also come to you – thick and thin, you want her to know that she can depend on you. GL!

Post # 4
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I am so sorry!! This is not the happy ending we all wished for you.

It sounds like there isn’t a lot you can do for her. Keep being supportive and interested in her life, listen to her and let her know how important it is for her to be in your wedding. I think you’ll have to temporarily tolerate her husband in order to stay in touch with her.

Post # 5
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh, that’s so sad. I’m so sorry this part of the story didn’t end better, but it’s not over yet. Keep the lines of communication with her as open as you can; speaking as somebody who once had a very controlling boyfriend, I can say it was very isolating. Having somebody I could turn to was really important to my eventually getting him out of my life.

Post # 6
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so sorry for your situation.  My sister is also with someone who I also cannot stomach.  She married him a couple months before my wedding at our local courthouse, as well.  She also had a son, last month, so my family tolerates the guy because of it all, but we don’t talk because her guy just disgusts me (it’s a long story for why this is).  We haven’t talked for a few months now, but my sister e-mailed me (just yesterday actually) and she we should ALL apologize to each other and said something about me seeing her son.  It’s a difficult situation and I’m not sure what to do about it yet, either.  So, I really feel where you are at.  I can’t really share any pearls of wisdom because I am looking for some myself, but I do wish you and your sister much luck!

Post # 7
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

That really stinks.  I’m so sorry for you and your family- especially your little sister.

My only bit of advice (as a former Domestic Violence hotline counselor):

No matter how she behaves or what she does while he is manipulating her- DO NOT LET IT DRIVE YOU APART!  NEVER judge her, always reassure her that you love her and want her in your life and be supportive of her in any way you can.

Some people may tell you to use tough love or something to try and get her to leave him- it won’t work.  The Jerk is trying to alienate her from her family, isolate her, and leave her without a support system so she is totally dependent on him- and cannot leave. 

If/when she does come to her senses, you want to be sure that she can reach out to you for help to get away from him!

I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Post # 8
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

@rosychicklet: That’s exactly what I wanted to say but you said it so perfectly! She needs a sister right now. So much better than "tough love" or whatever — your lack of judgement will make it easier for her to admit to herself that things aren’t quite right.

Post # 9
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

That’s really terrible.  I’m so sorry to hear the situation has evolved in to something so horrific.  This "man" has power over your sister’s life right now, but don’t let him have it on yours.  I know that its a bunch of blah when things are so volatile, but keep your chin up.  You said as an attorney you see this sort of thing every day; what would you suggest others do? 

I can’t imagine what that must have been like for your Dad, and the rest of your family.  I hope and pray that you are all able to find peace. 

Post # 10
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Rosy Chicklet couldn’t have said it better. Be supportive of her becuase one day she will need and WANT that from you again!

Post # 11
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t have anything new to add her.  Just I’m sorry.  Please keep us updated.

Post # 12
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

 I wish I could offer you more than my word of encouragement for you and your family. I truly hope your sister is/will be ok and see that she has no need to turn her back on your family. My heart and preyers go out to you and to yours.

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