(Closed) devastated by mother's diagnosis

posted 2 weeks ago in Emotional
Post # 2
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@rosasinensis:  I’m so sorry bee. I didn’t want to read and run.

cancer is shit! It’s worse than that, it’s shit on amoebas on rats.

It’s really important at this time that you care for yourself as well. You cannot carry the emotional and physical burden of everyone. 

let your husband in, let him know how you feel and keep communicating about what support you need and don’t feel shy to ask for help.

it might be worth seeking out a counsellor or cancer charity that you can use as a sounding bored. Some people find it easier to off load to a stranger as they don’t worry about burdening a professional in the way they worry about doing it to a family member 


take care x

Post # 3
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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@rosasinensis:  Bee, I am so so sorry for what you’re going through. You need support. Please join a support group and a professional counselor for this. Allow others in your inner circle like your husband and sibling to help emotionally support you during this time. Cancer sucks. 

Post # 4
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

My heart is breaking for you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 

Post # 5
510 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry for your mother’s diagnosis. Sending hugs. 

I lived through two cancer battles of my closest family, one fierce and one very short. It was too much to bear. I lost my Da. My heart was broken, shattered and then it felt like it was missing entirely. “When you’re going through Hell, keep going.” 

You will need support. Let your husband in on your emotions. Probably expect to cry often now and for the next long while. Cancer diagnosis changes your life in that you’re never again free from the constant niggling worry about how much time you have left with your loved one.

It sounds like your mum has a long road ahead of her so this will be a marathon. Find some sort of therapy for yourself, whether that’s a free group cancer support at the hospital or a video therapist. Take any help you can get, because your energy reserves will be stretched. Take lots of pictures and spend quality time with your mum, husband and sibling. And take time for yourself when you need it, even if it’s just to go to a movie theater by yourself and sit in the corner tearfully eating popcorn. Or to have a cocktail with your best girl.

You are grieving now, and it’s a dreadful time. A dinner date night once a fortnight would probably be good to help keep part of your life feeling like it isn’t entirely consumed by the C word. 

(On a terribly practical note, if your mother will be sharing a bathroom with you when she’s in treatment you’ll want to stock up on lysol wipes now since a covid outbreak in your area then might make a shortage and if she has radiation you’ll need to wipe everything down before using it yourself.)

 Your mum and sibling (and yourself!) will likely be angry at times. Every nerve is raw for those who grieve. And you’re all grieving the loss of the future you hoped you had. Try to share a laugh when you can. Take it all one day at a time. Get as many hugs as you can from your husband and then your mum when you’re out of quarantine. Good luck, Bee. I hope your mum will be well.

Post # 6
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Lost my dad to a rare form of cancer less than a year ago. While it’s important to educate yourself, I recommend you stop shy of the prognosis information found online. Your mom is so much more than a statistic. Doctors have treatment options designed to give her the best possible outcome and of course, every patient responds differently. Personally, I found I was able to stay much more optimistic for my dad and my own sanity by not subjecting myself to the data regarding life expectancy. All the luck in the world to you and your mom’s fight to kick cancers ass!

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