(Closed) Devastated!! Calling off wedding, Need support and advice what to do. LONG POST!!!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

girly, it sounds like you’re going through a tough time 🙁 If that was me, I would pack up my stuff and leave. I know it sounds hard and that you don’t want to leave and that is totally understandable, but you deserve better. You deserve to be treated like you are the most wonderful girl in the world, and hes not giving that to you. No part of you deserves to be cheated on or lied to, and no matter how much he tries to play it off, thats exactly what hes doing. You’re not a failure, you are SO much stronger than you know 🙂 Let him know that you dont need him, you are worth more than that and you’re going to make sure you find it. Put yourself first girl and dont settle for less than what you deserve. You sound like an awesome girl, dont be brought down by somebody who obviously cant see that!

 

Good luck and ill be praying for you!!

Post # 32
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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devastatedbee:  It was extremely hard but every bit worth it.

It seems hopeless now but it won’t in a while. Just start by calling and emailing all your vendors and cancelling so you can’t back out. That first one was the hardest but once I did it and I knew there was no going back, it got easier. To be honest I think I felt more relief calling it off than anything else. That’s how you know it’s bad. My mom helped me call wedding guests on my side to let them know it was cancelled and I left calling his relatives up to him. Just take it one single day at a time. Set some tasks for yourself and do one each day. It’s hard but you will get through it and you will be stronger on the other side.

It totally changed me and made me into a better person for it because I learned that nothing was worth putting myself in bad situations. I was worth more than that. I regained my confidence and I gave myself lots of time to heal. I focused on being a better me than I had ever been before. It really gives you perspective and when I started dating again, I knew exactly what to look for I knew this time around that when red flags presented themselves to remove myself immediately rather than waiting years and putting up with crap for years until it was a huge mess. I learned what to look for and what to leave behind.

You can do it. You’re strong enough and you’re worth it.

Post # 33
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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devastatedbee:  woman!!! You are NOT a failure!!! He was a master manipulator… Think about it this way it would be more embarrassing to know all this and marry him anyway and eventually divorce. Stay clear away from him bc loneliness will make a person do some crazy things.. Focus on things you like and getting yourself on your own feet… Who cares if your 32 And starting over think of it as a second chance… Thank god you don’t have kids with that liar of a man. trust me now that you are single somelne who deserves you will walk into your life and you won’t look back other then to say you dodged a bullet.

Post # 34
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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devastatedbee:  Whether or not it’s “abuse” I don’t know, but does it really matter? You stayed around longer than you should have already and it’s time to get the F out. He’s a player, simple as that. He’s just bad at it because he keeps getting caught and can’t keep his stories straight. I have a feeling that he probably has cheated and definitely will again. 

Post # 35
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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devastatedbee:  I’m so sorry. 

My ex was acting weird and I got suspicious, but he wouldn’t let me see his phone. I put the suspicious feeling aside and went ahead with the wrdding. 

Not long after, I managed to access his Facebook and found out he was MAJORLY cheating. 

Please trust your gut. Don’t go through with marrying him. 

TRUST ME when I say it is far more embarrassing to call off a marriage 27 days after the wedding, than it is to call off an engagement. 

Not to mention how expensive it is to break up when lawyers and stuff are involved. 

Please dont do it. 

Youll also be surprised how people react when you tell them. They will be proud of you for being strong enough not to put up with shit. 

There are tons of groups online (Facebook, meetup.com, etc.) where you can meet like minded people. 

Ive met tons of ladies who also have celiac on Facebook and it’s been great getting to know them. Just put yourself out there and you’ll be able to meet new girl friends. 

And try to get into some classes like cooking, yoga, painting, Kung fu, whatever. Great for meeting people! 

I wish you the best of luck. I know it hurts now but the pain will slowly fade and you’ll be SO thankful you left him.

Post # 36
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

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devastatedbee:  I sort of do, because I was sort of in this situation before. I tried my best not to focus on the negative of the situation. Now is your time to shine. Focus on YOU. Look at this like a clean slate. You get to find the job that YOU want where YOU want! After you have the funds, you can go out and get a place of YOUR own. YOU can decorate the way YOU want. And when you are settled and happy, once again you can start to find the right man for you. But right now, in this moment, is time for you to find happiness with yourself. Although difficult to do right now, you will find strength. Think of the doubts and negativity that this man had surrounded you with. Now is your chance to start with someone who doesn’t have such emotional baggage (meaning the temperments, not the accident) and who comes home at a decent hour to YOU. Wanting to talk to YOU. Not texting other women!!!

Good luck!

Post # 37
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I think this is a case of hurt now or hurt MORE later. 

I’m sorry you’re going through this OP but you deserve better. 

Post # 38
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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devastatedbee:  Be forthcoming with your parents about why you need to return home. Their love for you is unconditional and they’ll help you keep your head straight through this foggy time. Some of my hardest breakups are responsible for bringing my Mom and I as close as we’ve become. I hope you find a similar support system, either with them or some siblings or close friends that can help you bring these difficult decisions to motion. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.

Post # 39
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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devastatedbee:  First thing… life is not a competition, stop measuring your life to your married friends, or those with babies.  Everyone’s got issues.

Second, unless you want to keep getting lied to and second guessing yourself all the time, you should follow your gut.  I have a strong suspicion this man claims he loves you and lies to your face and when you come back he’s laughing in the back of his mind.  He has proven to you time and time again that he’s not trustworthy and is EXTREMELY manipulative, which is very scary.

I think your confusion stems from all that’s going on, and not going on in your life.  Losing him will feel devastating also because you don’t have a purpose right now, but until you find a job, go volunteer or join a $10/month gym — anything to keep yourself busy and away from him.  His behavior is not appropriate, and to me he sounds very sleezy and not like a good person at all.

As for living with your family, while not ideal, think of them as a support system you can rely on while you get back on your feet.  You’re not the first person who’s had to move back in with their parents, and you won’t be the last.  Stop punishing yourself for needing help.

Post # 40
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You’ve done the right thing by leaving 10000000%. He’s clearly never going to change his ways. RUN, don’t go back, delete hsi number, find someone who is worth your time – this guy just isn’t it for you. I’m sorry you’re going through this, you deserve SO much better!

Good for you for standing up for yourself. You don’t need his BS. Baggage or not, his actions are totally irresponsible and selfish. Move on, get out, bye bye!

Post # 41
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee

Well damn I was exhausted just reading that, no way in hell would I stay. No relationship should be that hard. Would you seriously ever want to have kids with him? Would you trust him to be there for you and faithful if you got diagnosed with cancer?  Would he stay if you were in a car accident that left you paralyzed? Just hypotheticals to ask yourself, because honestly he sounds very emotionally selfish to me

You need to marry someone who you *know* will stand with you when times get reeeeally tough, not flirt around and lie and cause problems when you have little rough patches

You are absolutely doing the right thing. You have done nothing wrong. And you deserve someone who will make your life easier, not be the main source of your problems. Easier said than done, but you’re a strong woman and you’re capable of anything

Post # 42
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh honey, I wish I could help you out by calling all of your vendors for you.  Leaving is the right decision!  NO relationship should be this hard!  HE is making you CRAZY!  Please leave, and don’t look back.  I promise you leaving him will be the very best decision you have ever made! xoxo

 

Post # 43
Member
787 posts
Busy bee

You’re doing the right thing. 

If you two have joint bank accounts, take out your half of the money now and move it to your own account. 

Email your vendors and cancel. Did you or your parents contribute money for deposits? Just ask the vendors if there’s any chance you can get back some of your deposits in the event they are able to re-book that date if another client comes along. It’s worth asking, but don’t get hung up on the lost deposits – which it sounds like you’re not anyway. It sounds like you’re worried about the logistics of cancelling, but I imagine cancelling a wedding would be a lot quicker and easier than booking one. 

You will be okay. 

Post # 45
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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devastatedbee:  Wow – you need to thank your lucky stars that you escaped before this man became your husband! There are SO many red flags in this whole thing – be strong, get your stuff, block him and walk into the future with your head held high – away from this prick!

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