(Closed) Devastated!! Calling off wedding, Need support and advice what to do. LONG POST!!!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 76
Member
25 posts
Newbee

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devastatedbee:  You’re right it’s absolutely emotional abuse! A perfect example of it really! He’s going to make you feel bad for it, this is nothing to do with the accident there’s no reason for him to bring it up other than to play the victim. He’s been lying and there’s no reason to lie unless he knows he’s been doing something that would upset you.

You may have to start over and that is scary but you’ll have the opertunity to build something far happier. Good luck bee! Big hug x

Post # 77
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry you are going through this heartbreak. Yes, starting over again is hard and saddening, but better to be single and happier than be with someone who makes you so unhappy and is manipulative.  Don’t live your life filled with regrets and disappointment – that’s what you would have if you stayed with him or went back to him.  Better things are ahead for you now.  It might not seem like that right now, but things WILL get better and look up. Stay strong!  🙂

Post # 78
Member
25 posts
Newbee

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SunflowersInFL:  Its shocking how many people are actually like that!

My ex of 3 1/2 years told me all sorts! He once told me he had burnt a house down, found a body in a skip, made up a fake ex (who was addicted to heroin at 13 apparently), said this fake ex came over to his house and gave him a letter (he even wrote one out), lied about overdosing, lied about attempting suicide, pretended to faint regually, would lie about where he got gifts from (he ‘scubadived’ in cornwal for a  shell that was clearly varnished and topical), gave me a gucci watch ‘his grandad gave him on his death bed’ it was fake. Wow. Litterally never writen all that down before. What a total phycho!

In reality he was a wet rich mummys boy! 

Post # 79
Member
47 posts
Newbee

This reminds me of my ex. i realized it was emotional abuse way too late. As you realize what kind of person you’ve been with, you start to feel like you’re waking up from some deep sleep. You can’t believe you never realized it before. You go through a rough time looking back and questioning all the things you missed before. The hardest thing is realizing it was never love, but pure manipulation. I still have trouble with self esteem after years of being told I was the crazy one. I recommend you find a therapist to help you through the emotions. Eventually you come out of the shock and you’ll realize you weren’t crazy. You will learn what you truly deserve. I got lucky and found someone who truly loves me. I never thought love was supposed to feel this good. It’s insane what we put up with until you realize you deserve better. 

 

Basically you’ll be scared right now, but just give it time and you’ll find being single so much better than being with an abuser. Also, canceling a wedding is much easier than going through divorce. *hugs*

Post # 82
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

First, take care if yourself so you can think clearly. Second completely drop this loser. Can you imagine being MARRIED to this jerk? I don’t wish anyone to have to put up with this kind of shit. You sound like a really nice girl and he treats you as if you were less than human. It’s disgusting and he needs professional help. I know that people can change, but that doesn’t mean you have to let them drag you through the mud. Get out now. 

Post # 83
Member
1651 posts
Bumble bee

Oh wow, I feel so bad for you.  I think you should move on, this is tiring, and you have put up with enough to long. 

 

Post # 84
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m going to be brutally honest with you, as I was once the “leaver,” too.

 

Leaving is the hardest decision you will EVER make, but it’s the right one. You may find that you lose friendships and family cuts you off (mine did), because they didn’t see the inside of the relationship, but the true ones all come back.

I am so so proud of you, OP! You’ve got to live your life for youself, no one else. Love and hugs!

It will get better, I promise.

Post # 85
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

Manipulating. Would almost bet personality disorder. I won’t diagnose on the internet, but I would bet money on it. Also. Kudos to you for getting out. Don’t look back.

Post # 86
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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devastatedbee:  I went through a very very similar situation a year and a half ago. I had taken my ex back after his cheating and thought we had worked things out, but then low and behold he cheated again. I know the hurt from calling off the wedding (we were less than 3 months away after a 2 year engagement), but just know that you are making a great choice in leaving! Some day you will meet someone who will love you and care for you the way you deserve! I had a hard time believing that at first, but I have met an incredible man and am so grateful that I left when I did. Things will get better even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. *hugs*

Post # 87
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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devastatedbee:  

GFerg: thanks for the advice – I like the doing the nice things for myself. Even though I am hard up for money right now, maybe a new haircut and a manicure could just help me feel good about myself again. He’s already told me “good luck finding someone else better than me.” So I am already having the fears of being a 32 year old woman and never finding anyone ever again 🙁

What an ass!  He’s just saying that because he’s trying to scare you and keep control over you. Look, I was 38 when my ex and I divorced. But I found love again and remarried.  So don’t worry yourself over that. Do you have any pets? When I went through my divorce, I spent a lot of time taking my dogs to the dog park, walking them, etc. It was like therapy to me. 🙂 Best wishes! I wish I could give you a hug – everything will be ok! And I’m glad your family is there for you.

Post # 88
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

This is so similar to my reletionship with an ex, we we’re engaged and he cheated on me with a so called lesbain. what an awful lie! Trust me, you deserve more than this and you will find someone who truly loves and respects you. You’re better off out of it. walking away is the right choice.

Good luck Bee. X

Post # 90
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

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devastatedbee:  I am sorry this happened to you. Nothing is worse than going through a breakup. So sorry. But on the other hand, get your shit and leave his ass. You are worth so much more than what he is offering to you and I think you know it too. There is an old story about a couple in the old days with a lantern. The man is slowing turning the lantern down so that each day it is darker and darker in the home, and he swears he hasn’t touched it. He is manipulating her to believe SHE is the crazy one and he hasn’t touched the lantern, although he is purposely doing it. (Something along those lines anyway.) Leave. Manipulation turns into abuse. Please, trust me and leave. 

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