(Closed) Devastated!! Calling off wedding, Need support and advice what to do. LONG POST!!!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 92
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

I dated someone for years who has the same ridiculous crazy stories. Imagine this scenario (didn’t actually happen exactly like this but it was similar). I get to his place, I find panties under his bed, he tells me it was his friend’s girlfriend and they did it on his bed. Then his search history (I was not snooping) shows he went onto the part of craigslist where you can get a hooker. Again blames it on his friend. Stuff like that happened on a regular basis. Some people are not meant to be in serious relationships with anyone but unfrotunately manipulate us into thinking they are good people.

Your ex-guy deserved a few kicks in the balls. There are different ways of moving on. Some are kindof questionable, but can help if you’re feeling like your world is all lost. I know people won’t agree with me, but consider dating other men to make yourself feel a bit better. 

Post # 93
Member
845 posts
Busy bee

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devastatedbee:  Man, I don’t even know how people cope in situations like this, but I have and you will too. Somehow the pain subsides and you move on. It may feel like the pain will last forever, but it doesn’t. 

My first serious relationship ended (my ex cheated on me, then dumped me). I was beyond devastated. I was a freaking mess. It’s almost embarrassing to admit how ridiculously heart broken I was. I felt 100% sure I would never get over it and would love him forever. I was so hurt and just spinning. It was awful. Then, my sister died a few weeks later. Also, I had moved to a whole new town after my parents had just divorced. So, between the breakup, moving away from all my friends, the divorce, my,sister dying and being young and dumb, it was a hard time.

Fast forward to now and I am feeling great. I have an amazing Fiance and life is good. I look back and I am so grateful my ex wasn’t willing to take me back (yes, he cheated on me and I begged him to stay with me and he wouldn’t). He was not the one for me. This man that lies is not the one for you. You know that. You’re being brave and intelligent. You’re only 32. You have so much time and so much life to live. It is ok to start over. 

You WILL get through this. You really and truly will.

Post # 94
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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devastatedbee:  it was about 2.5 months after I left my ex’s country that I went on a date with my now fiancé. 

I was feeling hopeless about ever finding love and didn’t even feel like dating. I turned my guy down the first time he asked and eventually changed my mind a month later. 

I surprisingly recovered very quickly after cutting off all contact with my ex, leaving country, going to new City, etc. I guess I was just so distracted with a new job, seeing people I had not seen in awhile, meeting new people, etc, That I didn’t have time to dwell on the past.

I would recommend cutting all contact with your ex. It helps you recover soooooo much faster. 

If you’re truly ready for love, I believe it will find you, as it did with me. 

Post # 95
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Hi Im no expert but he sounds like a lying cheater and if u don’t call off the wedding now he’ll prob cheat on u in the future. I’m not saying u have to dump him but as for the wedding I wouldnt. How long do u wana wait for him to change? It might take years and years or never. It’s really up to yoU. it can be scary starting over but I think u will be totally fine. I just have a feeliNg. U sound like a nice person and u don’t deserve that. 

Post # 96
Member
21 posts
Newbee

And everything is totally Gona be ok!!! It’s not the end of the world ur not the first person to call off a wedding. After u move on people won’t even care about what happened with this guy. It’s all about the new guy 

Post # 97
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I just want to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Ive been emotionally cheated on and he tried to turn it around to make it my fault. I understand not wanting to talk to your friends either – maybe sending out a generic email to them letting them know the wedding is off, and asking them to respect you right now may be an option. 

Also – don’t shut out your friends. They will be more understanding if they know you and be able to help you pick up the peices. 🙂

Sending you good thoughts!! 

Post # 98
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I went through something very similar. He made comments that I’d never find anyone, that he was the best thing I’d ever find, that I was used up and no one would want me except for sex. He lied, made things up, created senarios in his head about me. Before this relationship, I looked at women who stayed with abusive men as semi-coward but it can happen to anyone (this was someone I had known for many years as a friend before we got in a relationship). He wanted to get engaged, but it didn’t feel right. I eventually left after he physically threatened me. It’s emotionally draining and can hit your self-esteem pretty hard, but it does get better. I worked on making me happy and improving my life, then set out on dating again. I met the man of my dreams not too long after and we are planning our wedding. He’s the polar opposite of my ex. He’s honest, open and treats me with respect. I’m 2 years younger than you, but 32 is by no means old and it’s never too late to start over. It gets better and you’ll thank your lucky stars you met someone who respects and honestly cherishes your relationship.

Post # 99
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

Hi

this is my first post and im so happy it’s this thread. First I want to say I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Second I want to say that you are absolutely right to get out of that situation. You’ve already done the hardest part, even though it might not seem like it. The hardest part is to feel in your heart and know in your kind and trust your intuition that you’re right to get out of that relationship. You may think your life is falling apart and you might be scared now but trust me, please please please trust me, you are so much better off. You have no idea now that after the heartbreak and devastation is gone, once you’ve called all the venues to cancel, once you’ve told friends and family, the relief you will feel. It will be overpowering and empowering as well. Don’t look at this situation as falling apart, think of it as a blank slate. You have he chance to reinvent yourself and start a whole, unattached, chapter in your life. With no guy and no job, you have so many beautiful opportunities open to you. ease believe me. I know where you’ve been. Don’t ever regret the decision you made. You’re a powerful and strong woman and you deserve the whole world. If your intuition tells you this is right, then don’t you dare defy it. If you ignore that feeling, you may end up more trapped than before…with children and no way out. DO NOT RECONSIDER HIM. 

 

I know how hard it is, we are sisters of the same crappy kind of guy. Hold your head up. Do yoga. Take it one day at a time. And never look back. 

Post # 100
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Glen Echo Park

View original reply
devastatedbee:  This feels horrific now, but it’s going to be SO MUCH better than enduring a horrible marriage and eventual divorce. You’re free now, and it won’t be long before you’re 1000 lbs lighter from shedding the emotional weight of trying to make a relationship work that never will. 

You did the right thing — it shouldn’t be that hard! 

Post # 101
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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devastatedbee:  this is definetly emotional abuse.

sorry for butting in but I went through the same thing.

Post # 102
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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devastatedbee:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this – but based on what you’ve said, it’s definitely for the best. I think by ending it now you’re definitely saving yourself an endless amount of heartache down the line. Although it might not seem like it now, everything will be okay! 

 

Post # 103
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I have an ex partner who constantly emotionally cheated and then made me feel like I was crazy to suggest that was the case.  It is most certainly manipulation and emotional abuse that you are dealing with. Breaking it off may be diffucult but, if your friends and family know the truth about it, they should be proud of you and support you. 

Post # 104
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2016

This guy sounds abosolutely awful. The fact that he lied to you and tried to cover up this tracks with fake stories is not acceptable. You did the right thing in leaving him and starting fresh, don’t feel sad that you don’t have someone or kids because at least you know in your heart that you’re true to yourself and you deserve better. If you continued this relationship, had kids, got married who know what other bs could come up that he’s been hiding from you. Someone who loves you would never do the things he did to you. He may have loved you in an artificial manner but he never respected you enough and no girl deserves someone like that. You are a strong person and you should be proud of yourself for walking away from someone like that. Hugs.

Post # 105
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

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devastatedbee:  Print out this post immediately. Read it every morning and every night, word for word. Let the emotions remind you of what has happened. This will help remind you why you will not respond to his “omg I ruined us” types of messages. You left him for a reason, and you were strong enough to go through with it. Utlimately, you’d be putting up with all of this the rest of your life and not living. Is he really worth it?

My heart breaks for you, that you probably are hurt. I know that feeling. But know that once you push away, and you start anew, you’ll be able to live life as you deserve… without the lies.

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