(Closed) Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it…

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 138
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2006

@CuteLittleBuzzingBee: awesome that you’re doing some things for yourself!  and congrats on the job interview going so well. i’ve been unemployed for about a year so I know how difficult it is and how great it is to have a good interview.  chin up ! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 139
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Glad to see you are concentrating on yourself! I hope you hear back from the job real soon and that you get it – you certainly deserve it!

Just keep doing what you are doing. The counselling sounds like a really good idea – when I broke up with my ex I was in so much shock by what I had done that I turned into a zombie. I spoke with a counsellor over the phone a few times and saw her once and she was able to get me to see that I did what I did for good reason and that he was a manipulative guy who kept me down to make himself feel better. I never looked back after that! And I was rewarded with a guy who makes me feel loved, makes me happy and accepts me for the person I am.

You have to believe that you deserve someone who will love you the way you love them and will want to commit.

Keep looking after yourself – and keep being strong!

Post # 141
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

You’re being very strong. Good for you and DD!
Continue keeping yourself busy and making small, positive changes in your life. I hope you get good news on the job, that sounds exciting!

So, apart from working, what are your hobbies? Are there things that you always wanted to do but never did, because your X didn’t want to?

For me, it was taking dancing lessons… My X told me he’d die before he’d dance with me – after being together 6 years, go figure! Anyway, I grabbed a friend, who was more than pleased to come and dance with me and we had a blast! That friend’s my husband now.

What I’m saying is, think about things you didn’t do because of him, but that you would have loved to… and go for it! It’s liberating, and you get to have fun.

Post # 143
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

You are being strong by not responding to him.

Keep in mind that just because you cry and feel sad doesn’t mean you are not being strong. You NEED to cry. You NEED to be angry, even. You need that to heal. It’s necessary. 

You also need to continue to take care of yourself. Get good sleep, eat well, easy on the wine or alcohol too. Go for a walk or run, etc.

I’m sorry I know the weekends will be incredibly rough because this was his and your time. But now you can free that up for yourself and DD. Go OUT this weekend with her. Spend time with her alone.

Tell her about the breakup right away. Telling her will make it sink in even further. Your daughter will learn a lesson and she will see you as being STRONG. It will be an anchor in her mind not to put up with any crap. I think once you tell her it will be scary because now you can’t turn back, it will send the wrong message. This isn’t one of those situations where it’s a good idea to take him back unfortunately. This guy has used up his chances.

Anyway best of luck to you. We will be here (I love how supportive this thread is!)

Post # 144
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I agree 100% with what LadyLuna711 said…
Do not stay home this weekend; go away with your DD, spend time with her. It will be hard, but way better than staying at home.
You are going through something very difficult, but you ARE strong. And standing up for yourself, setting more accurate standards on what you deserve is hard, but good for you. It makes you stronger. It makes your DD stronger. You are her role model. What would you want for her, when she’s your age? Do not settle for less than what you would want for her. You are worth it.

Post # 145
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I also think it’s a good idea to tell DD.  Tell as many people as you possibly can.  Once you do that, it’ll be harder to get back together again because you know you’ll be having to deal with the “huh? WHY??” as well as sending a bad message to DD about strength, independence and respect for yourself.

Stay strong, you’re doing OUTSTANDING.  I also want to echo those who are telling you to get some exercise.  It really helps.  Try kickboxing!  Awesome way to get our your aggression, not to mention extremely empowering!

Post # 146
Member
846 posts
Busy bee

@CuteLittleBuzzingBee:

Hang in there!!  I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!  Do something special with DD this weekend!  Make it fun and exciting for the both of you to bond!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 147
Member
955 posts
Busy bee

Cute, good job on staying strong!  It is the bravest thing to do!!!!  In fact you are braver than you think you are!

I was so here a year and a half ago.  A guy I totally adored broke my heart, not only that I was sick.  I was just in a panic.  He was going to parties while I was sick!  I dumped him but he brought it on by acting like that.  I then ignored everything from him.

Fast forward to now the jerk has emailed me 2x while he was in town this past weekend…..I deleted the emails and I didn’t think twice about seeing him.  Idiot!  You only get one time buddy!  He was simply looking for attention but I don’t waste my time anymore.

Good luck with everything and remember to take this day by day, hour by hour.

Post # 149
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What a jerk off SERIOUSLY! It’s like “oh you just stomped on my heart, but sure lets have small talk!!?” 

 

I hope you are holding up okay, Spend some time with DD this weekend and get your mind off of it!

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