(Closed) Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it…

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 168
Member
3123 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Kudos to you and continuing my well wishes for you and DD!

Post # 171
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee

High Five Cute for not answering the phone or responding to him!!!!!!!!!!!!!

His last message is saying well, I know you want to get married but I don’t so I dunno…….

Don’t settle for anything less at this point and delete his messages….seriously…delete them!  Stay angry!

Hang in there!

 

Post # 172
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ah Cute I am so sorry, it WOULD be hard hearing those voicemails. I think if anything, you should maybe send him a text saying “Please respect my boundaries and realize I need some space right now.” And that is the ONLY thing you should say to him, don’t write back if you texts you back or tries to call you. Or better yet, can you have a friend do it? Just have her write him and let him know you need some space and he needs to back off. That actually would be better…

I think that is just not cool for him to continue to call you and leave these pointless messages, if you wanted to talk you would have called him back. I really think they best way for you to clear your head would be if you would cut off all contact with him. Him leaving voicemails and sending random texts is his way of trying to reel you back in.

 

EDIT: I just think it is pretty obvious that he really doesn’t WANT to get engaged to you. I still think if he were to show up with a ring it would be a shut up ring and in the end it would be worse ๐Ÿ™

 

GOOD JOB for sticking to your guns!

Post # 173
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Stay strong cute! I just read this whole thread and you are doing great – don’t give up.  It must be SO HARD listening to these messages from him but well done on not picking up the phone.  

From what you wrote and the messages he’s leaving it really seems like he is immature and selfish.  And if he’s saying he wants you back, I’m SURE he wants you back but only on HIS TERMS – meaning, no engagement, no moving in….  But of course he isn’t going to say that…

I agree that the only thing that you should do if you do contact him at all – is just to let him know that you don’t want him contacting you anymore.  Even if you feel inside that you still want him to contact you because you aren’t ready to let go – it really is for the best and it will help you to heal.  I think it would be very empowering for you to take control of the situation and tell him not to contact you. It will probably be very hard to do, but I bet it would be a huge leap in the healing process.  It strikes me that when he leaves messages he says things like “you can text me” or “you can call me”…. like he’s giving you permission… ugh.  That just rubs me the wrong way.  What about “I miss you and I’d like us to talk about our relationship” or something like that????  

Stay pissed for a while longer – then at some point you will have to let go of the anger and move on from this experience.  Focus on being happy with yourself and your daughter.  Show her that no man is going to take away your happiness and control your life.  You can use this sad time to be an awesome example to her! 

 

Post # 174
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Arg, I HATE this guy!  I think his messages to you have been pretty clear.  He doesn’t want to marry you.  He’s putting the failure of the relationship squarely on your shoulders and is telling you that he’ll be with you on his terms and only his terms.  Your desires and needs mean absolutely NOTHING to this man.  He might possibly marry you if a theoretical gun is pointed at his head, but it will only be because he has no choice and will resent you for the rest of your lives for it.

This man is so toxic, I can feel his poison from across the country.  Block his number and email address, please. 

Post # 176
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

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@CuteLittleBuzzingBee:

Kudos for not picking up.  If you can delete him, please do so.  I hate how he is trying to get you to contact him so he can  string you along. WHAT-he feels LOVEY!  NOT -I Love You!  I suppose then anyone would do.  He just happens to know your number, and figures you came back before, so you’ll do it again if he keeps sending you lousy messages???  What a JERK he is being!!! 

So, I know that DD is not feeling well,-I hope she feels better!  Maybe you could watch fun movies together, have a movie marathon and make some popcorn!!  ๐Ÿ™‚

It will get easier soon.  Keep up the good work!  ((Hugs))

Post # 177
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@VikingPrincess: True – Actions do speak louder than words, but I think that he is showing action by at least texting and not giving up. Granted, you are right in one way I just think that obsessing over little details of what was and was not said sometimes makes more of a mess emotionally for oneself than needed.

Post # 178
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@CuteLittleBuzzingBee: Wow, that’s super shitty. I didn’t know he wasn’t remaining faithful during your last break. OF course that would arise insecurity this time around. Big hugs to you.

Post # 179
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

The way this guy communicates puzzles me. But either way it’s his actions that speak anyway.

I agree with you telling him to back off, IF you are strong enough to do it. If not I agree to have a friend or even your mom do it for you.

Anyway super kudos to you for sticking to your guns! GIRL, you are way stronger than you originally thought, look at that! Wink

I hope your daughter feels better!

Post # 180
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

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@CuteLittleBuzzingBee: Uuuugh.  I’m sorry you’re stuck listening to those messages, but kudos to you for keeping strong and not giving in to the temptation to pick up.  Honestly, if I were you, I’d be sitting on my hands and taping my mouth shut, but you’re doing great.

That message, though… Where does he get off?  It sounds to me – and this is just my opinion – like he’s laming you for things.  Like, everything would be fine if you just didn’t stress him out so much with all this crazy engagement talk.  To which I say, “What the hell, buddy?  You’re the one who broke promises, lied and took advantage.  You said you would do X, Y and Z and then didn’t deliver.  Even when you knew what the stakes were.  So if you feel sad and lonely now it’s your own damn fault.”

@lezlers: Ahhhh, the theoretical gun.  Not nearly so interesting to contemplate as the actual variety. (I kid, I kid.  Kinda.)

Post # 181
Member
618 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I just sat here and read this entire post this morning. Your X is making me furious!!!!!! Do not answer his texts, do not call him back, do nothing with him at all!!!!! 

That last message makes me want to vomit. He knows you want to get engaged and he is using it like bait–dangling it in front of you—you’ll come running back and nothing will be different.

BUT!!! What he doesn’t realize is that you are a strong, independent woman who respects herself and knows that she deserves the best out there and this guy is definitely not it.

Many previous posters are right—if it’s the right relationship and he’s the right person, it’s not going to be this hard. Also, guys are simple—if they want you, they will get you. They don’t play games.

Stay strong and keep your chin up! This too shall pass!

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