(Closed) Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it…

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 197
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Oh honey, block his phone number…
Eve if he comes with a shut-up ring, don’t you want to live your life with someone who wants it as bad as you do? Someone who will stand up and be by your side when things get rough, not someone who runs like a coward, cause, poor thing, he’s stressed! He is so self centered, he doesn’t even realize that you may be stressed too and is just complaining to you. This is not a reliable man in whom you can put your trust; yours and your DD’s lives in his hands. This would not be a happy marriage, honey. I really hope that you can see that.

Cutting all contacts, blocking phones and emails, changing your locks; it would really help you put some distance and start healing; start fresh. He is not worth the pain he’s putting you through, just because he’s stressed. That is not love.

Post # 198
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

He LAUGHED at you?  Oh honey, keep that message and listen to it whenever you are the least bit tempted to talk to him because…WHAT A JERK.  Not only is he not respecting what you want and need, he’s straight up LAUGHING at you.  I seriously want to hunt this guy down just so I can punch him in the face. 

Great job being strong!  Keep it up!  Each day it’s going to get a little easier.  I highly suggest blocking his number from your phone, too.  You don’t need the added aggravation of his continual harassment of you.  This guy is really a piece of work.

Post # 199
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

CLBB : I’m proud of you that you’ve not been communicating with him during this time – keep this up please, for your sake and for DD’s sake.

But (and I’m sorry if these seems like it is not supportive) why, WHY would you want someone in your and DD’s life who thinks that spending the rest of their life with you, married, is a joke?

Not only does he not want to get married to you, he is purposely using your desire to “be engaged” to try and weasel his way back into your life. To what end, I don’t know.  You mentioned that after 3 years, if he doesn’t want to get engaged, why is he still around? – How about saying – I spent three years of my life with you, and you know what, I’m not going to waste anymore time with someone who doesn’t respect me or my family.

Post # 200
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Holy geez, this guy is AWFUL!  His voicemails and texts make me feel gross because he just sounds so SLIMY.  He is bad for you, and more importantly, he would be HORRIBLE for your daughter.  Can you really imagine him as her stepfather?  I’m looking at this from the perspective of your daughter–when I was 9 my mom met a guy and she completely reverted to her teenage self.  She was obsessed with him, when he was around she was happy, when he was gone she was miserable..it’s like she forgot she was a mother and that I was her daughter who needed to be cared for in a stable environment.  When I was 10, she had him move in with us, which I was not ready for and wasn’t happy about–I told her this, and she said, “This really isn’t about you.”  Well, actually, it should have been.  I should have been her first priority.  You’re doing so well right now–if you let this guy back in your life, you would be saying that he’s your priority, not your daughter.  Don’t do that.  Prioritize your daughter.  Prioritize yourself.  You two deserve better than this guy, and she deserves so much more than a guy like that as a stepfather.  Block his number, block his email, concentrate on you and your daughter and then, in time, you will meet someone who loves your daughter and you and wants to step into that role for both of you.  I can’t imagine how hard this is for you–I know you’re heartbroken, and that’s ok!  But you’ve done SO WELL and I hope you continue to stay strong–as days go by you’ll realize you don’t need him at all, the sadness will lessen, and it will keep getting easier.  We’re here for you, and we’re all SO PROUD of you!!  (((HUGS)))

Post # 201
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Oh, lordy.  I think it’s time to investigate either changing your number or having one of your friends (preferably of the burly, male variety) make it clear to him that his repeated attempts to contact you must stop.  This sort of behavior is ridiculous coming from a teenager.  From a grown-ass man it’s pathetic.  (Not to mention selfish, cruel and belittling.)

I think everything mrsmdphd said it right on target, and second the posters who stated that your daughter is going to model her future relationships on what she sees you doing.  Right now, you’re showing her exactly how to go about standing up for yourself, and that it’s okay to want a commitment, which is awesome.  You’re teaching her that she has a say in her relationships and how she’s treated, and every little girl needs that!

Have you explained to DD yet that she won’t be seeing your ex anymore?  Or told your parents/friends about the breakup?

Post # 202
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m glad you are being strong and not contacting him, but oh man he is pissing me off, and I don’t even personally know the guy.

You don’t have to agree with me and neither does anyone else, but maybe what you need is closure. I don’t know if thats what you need, but maybe eventually you need to let him know “Hey listen, You know what I want/wanted and you won’t commit to that. I had been with you for three years, I think it’s normal for me to want a commitment from you, I don’t think it’s me being “bitchy” or complaining, I think it’s me telling you “Hey I love you, I want to get married.”, but you won’t give that to me, and I won’t wait anymore for it to happen. So please stop contacting me.” Or something like that. I think maybe because you guys broke up and it was like “We’re over.” and that’s it and didn’t talk or anything about it, that maybe that is why you are sad. I mean I know you’d be sad reardless because this a man who you have loved for a long time, but maybe it would help. I mean I don’t know, but thats what I would do, because every time I have broken up with someone we talked about it, and got closure. But like I said it’s up to you, and no one has to agree with me, it’s just a suggestion. Good luck with everything. =]

 

Post # 203
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m in the newly formed “Change your Number” camp. He is trying to manipulate you because he believes he can. He has placed ridiculous restrictions and conditions on you. He thinks you’ll just come on back. Do not take his calls, do not read his texts, do not listen to his messages. This guy is a manipulator, and you deserve so, so much better.

Post # 204
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I HAVE to say this again: CuteLittleBB YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER! There are tons of guys who would kill to have someone like you to spend the rest of their lives.

He just pisses me off more and more with every text and every message. He thinks he can make you come back and do as he pleases with you because he’s messed up before and you had given it another chance. He’s just trying to make you go back to him, but he doesnt seem to be willing to do anything to change what he’s being doing wrong or to make you happy.

This is just not what you need in your life. Stay Strong sweetie!

Post # 205
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

So one thing – if he really wanted to get back together, then where are the flowers, where is HE? He knows where you live and all he seems to be doing is texting you and leaving messages. What it seems like he wants is for you to come back to him, without him having to do anything more than send a few text messages.

It seems like he is trying to make you feel bad for wanting to marry him! Dont let him get to you – I hate to say this, but if he wanted to get engaged, he wouldnt be talking to you like this.

Keep staying strong sweetie, we are all behind you

Post # 207
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

And you deserve absolutely nothing short of that CLBB.  He’s totally playing games with you.  Has he even said once he wants you back?  No.  Because he doesn’t really want you back, he just wants to win the sick little game he’s playing.  He sounds very narcissistic, actually.  You do NOT want to spend the rest of your life with a narcissist, trust me! 

Stay strong, we’re all here for you!

Post # 208
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so late to this since I’ve been gone for a week, but I just wanted to give you a hug!

Post # 210
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

Oh honey I am so sorry. It is so hard. I wish I could give you a hug 🙁 It will pass, and you will be stronger for it. When the right man does come along, you will be that much more thankful for him, trust me, I went through the same thing. You deserve everything you dream of, and you will get it!!

Post # 211
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think he is doing some of these things becuase he did similar in the past and you took him back. I think he thinks if he keeps trying ,eventually you will fold, and he didn’t really have to put much effort into it.

Even if he came with a ring in hand now, I personally would still not take him. He would be doing it only to appease you. The ring is no guarantee of marriage. Change your number, and move on, girl. You need to find someone who WANTS you, not just someone who wants to appease you.

HUGS TO YOU!!!

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