(Closed) Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it…

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

As much as I know you want to resend it DONT.. for your DD you HAVE got to stick to your guns.. no more “please dont please dont..” from him.. this time.. its for real. I agree with the above poster.. Some wine or some ice cream.. and watch some funny movies.. and get some sleep.

Post # 18
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh hunny I’m so sorry to hear this! I am a firm believer in sticking to your guns, if in your gut it feels right to be apart, even though it hurts, be apart. And everytime you want to call/text him, remind yourself that you DESERVE a man who wants to be with you 110%, you DESERVE someone to love and honor you. As hard as it may be to swallow, if he give you more stress than happiness, then maybe it isnt right.

Good luck. I know the next few days/weeks/month will be hard. But take deep breaths, lean on friends and family for support, and remember to put yourself and your feelings first. You deserve complete happiness. ((((hugs))))

Post # 20
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

awww so sorry to hear this! take some time out on the couch, enjoy some ice cream and time with friends.

Dont resend the text-  you made your point very clear and you cant control what he will do. The chances it didnt go through are extremely slim so just leave it a day or two.

You deserve to be happy and with someone who loves you

Post # 22
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time. I’ll tell you what I tell anyone else in a less-than-stable relationship: it’s just not supposed to be that hard! You’ll know when you find it, but a truly loving relationship doesn’t involve all this kind of drama. It’s surrounded by mutual love and respect, not stress and chaos. I know you will find this someday — you deserve it!

Post # 24
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Everything happens for a reason . I know you must be crushed. Sometimes guys get nervous and all they need is a few days away to clear there minds and then they come back because they realized they can’t live without you!! Im sure this is what will happen with you guys. If not then he is a fool . I think its good you didn’t give in. He will realize what he walked away from. You only deserve the best..Hugs

Post # 25
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m so sorry you are going through this.  While I have no idea about what is going on in your relationship other than what you have written in this post, it sounds like he its better if he stays out of your life.  He clearly doesn’t care for you the way a loving boyfriend would, let alone someone who is marriage material.

More importantly is the level of immaturity that he is showing.  His past behavior of not wanting to make your relationship more permanent or serious to this point of just living in the same city is telling, but more importantly this is all happening over something on facebook?  That is simply ridiculous. 

As difficult as this is right now, especially after being together for 3 years, he doesn’t seem to feel remotely invested in the relationship and there is not just someone, but many people out there that will treat your far, far better…. the way that you deserve to be treated. 

Post # 26
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Can you do something to distract yourself? Like hang out with a friend, go on a spur of the moment vacation, etc.? I’ve always found that having a good distraction is so helpful with things like this. The last time something like this happened, I jumped in my car and drove 6 hours to LA. It gave me time to think/cry, and also gave me something to look forward to. But, regardless, if you’re like me you’re going to have your phone at your side at all times waiting for his text message or call. Worst feeling in the world. It’s a really tough thing to go through. While I agree with standing your ground and not writing back, I’m also a big believer in not “playing games.” Here’s how I feel… if you want to call someone, call them. Don’t hold yourself back to the point where you’re killing yourself. Things will work out for the best in the end.

If I were you, and it’s hard to say without really understanding what’s going on, I’d probably give it a couple of days, and then ask him to meet up for coffee or something like that. Have a serious heart-to-heart with him. Get to the bottom of what’s really going on with your relationship. And have a friend nearby so that you have someone to help you through it if things don’t go well. 

Have you ever read the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?” If not, take a look at it. It’s helped our relationship. 

Post # 27
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m sorry that you’re hurting but I want you to know that it will get better.  My last boyfriend, I was CONVINCED we were meant to be and we were going to get married and all that.  We were getting ready to move in together and get married and live happily ever after…Well, when we broke up I was (understandably) absolutely devastated, but each day it got easier and easier and in time, I learned that loving myself (and for you, your little girl) was enough.  I enjoyed my time with family and friends and it was really what I needed.  And when I was just getting used to being single and ok with it, love came along.  I wish you the best of luck and if you need anything you can always message me :o)

Post # 30
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m so sorry, I know this is so hard and heart-breaking for you. When someone is a part of your life for so long, it seems impossible to move on. And its going to be overwhelming at first, because you are flooded with emotions. The saying “take it one day at a time,” in this situation, you are going to need to take it one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time.

Stay strong and keep reminding yourself not to resend that text. More than likely he got it and he is choosing to not respond. Know that you have said your peace. Like others suggested, do you have any wine or beer or anything to just relax you a bit. Maybe turn on your favorite comedy movie? I know it probably seems impossible to turn off your mind right now.

As far as if he is out living up the single life, as hard as that is to stomach and as much as it hurts, its just one more thing to prove to you that he isnt the guy for you. Relationships are hard, yes, but love is love and its not this diffucult. Keep reminding yourself that you are worth more than this, and you and DD deserve someone who loves you both unconditionally.

Good luck girly I hope you are able to get some much needed rest tonight.

Post # 31
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Been here before. My ex before I met my husband was slightly older than me and always giving me mixed messages. First we moved intogethor bc he wanted to get married again, wanted children and a life togethor. Well that turned into a yr later, I dont know yet, then a little later, I never want to marry or have children so you decide what we should do. Well while I was trying to figure if I should sacrifice a dream of marriage and children I’ve always had for someone I truly love, he cheated with 2 different girls. It was devastating and I was so torn bc after I moved out he did the same thing. Came back wanting to try and work things out bc he was lonely bc both girls found out his game. Sorry, no. At this time, you as I was, are very vulnerable. However, I think you know deep down in your heart this is not the love you or your child deserve. This is not fair to DD as well. After a few mths of tears and self pity and trying to rebuild the blow to my self esteem, I knew I would no longer sacrafice my goals and dreams and knew what real love was suppose to feel like. Love is not suppose to be a battle and you deserve the best. Keep distracted, that is best. Yes you will have bad days and you want to give in, but keep pushing yourself. Your ex has alot of growing up to do and you are so far ahead of him. No one can tell you what to do. But dont miss out on the beauty of life and love waiting for someone. I met my wonderful husband almost a year to the day later and it was so easy and still to this day is. I could not imagine my life if I had made a different choice so many years ago. What I do know, my ex never grew up. He is still a single 38 yo who seems more married to his bass boat than anything else. He lost all his friends, friends that are married with children bc he does not agree with their lifestyle. Fine maybe some feel that way, but really, I could have wasted more time of my life waiting for someone or trying to have someone love me that really was never going to change. Lift your head up high honey and walk forward. You never know what life has in store for you around that corner…:) Best wishes!

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